I close my eyes and think, when i open them i am afraid to think again. So many things going though my head. I didn't think this was important to share, even i get tired of me, but if i don't write i will not go to sleep and i am tired.. I am still trying to figure out if i should go to Coyote 2 Moons or not. I been working hard to find a balance,is not easy, after all the last few years have been all about extremes. I am trying to be responsible and be home more for my kids, and it;s working, grades are going up and the house is livable even if i die a little everyday looking at the world continue, mountains to be conquered,races to be run, but i truly believe that things can happen i just have to be patient. It will be a tragedy if i become in love of trying to save the world and forget about my kids dreams, right now the most important thing for me is to make sure my kids dreams and hopes do come true, just like any other parent on an endless schedule driving to and from lessons and homework. My kids are happy, I count the days until my next race, or continuously day dream about my next adventure, I am so grateful for that, not sure what i would do if i didn't have that.
Today I found out i failed part of my final, not to worry she said, the truth is that with so much going on is no surprise, taking classes, training, kids and constantly traveling to see Charlie was difficult for me to concentrate on my classes and had to postpone quite a few to accommodate my trips to the USA, since i broke my hand and the programs had to be written by hand i had to wait until the last minute to submit them and they were not my best job, but i had to submit them and i missed several key parts of the programs, and now it might be to late the deadline to get it done has past, i can do a better job for sure but i have to start all over again since there is a time limit to finish the program. Sometimes I feel like my life is one giant game of chutes and ladders. After the call I sat on the car thinking, "What happened?"" I even had my wedding dress picked" I know that true life is for better or for worse but i have seen plenty of for worse, i am so ready for the better part.
Is no use trying to quit, i have tried before and i just delay things, I quit acting before when i found myself stressed and unable to manage the pressure of such industry, i have tried to reinvent myself many times over, to take college classes, to try to be taken seriously but i should never worry about what other people think and I should have follow my passion. Here I am now, working as an actor again, i think is ironic that i didn't think that i was pretty enough to be in the industry, and now i found myself nocking on doors and having the very same door that i closed before opening, now that my hair is going grey and the wrinkles stay even after i have stopped smiling.
But i guess maybe i needed to take a long detour, so i could be ready for my life. The wonderful thing about been older is that i completely refuse to quit, I want this life so badly that i am willing to wait for as long as necessary, more than the acting, adventure is where i feel at home, so yes, i am not sure how i will manage but i will make it to Coyote 2 Moons 100 mile ultra and ironman, Tx and i will also ride across Canada this summer, life owes me that, I am a good mother and i deserve to do the things that are positive and make me happy. After all is for my kids own good, the reason why they are dreaming big is because they feel safe at home, safe to dream big and nobody will laugh at their dreams no matter how unattainable they might seem.
So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.
Christopher Reeve
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
USA v Charles R. Engle
Well, i guess now since sentencing happen, we are all allowed to talk about Charlie's case, I decided to post Charlie's dad's letter since there is nobody more passionate about the case than his dad, as a parent i can relate that a parent will do anything if he or she feels that a child has been treated unfairly.
This will be the last time i will make reference about the case, I decided to post it since Anonymous is determined to tell us all how wrong Charlie was, let me say something, i sat thought the trial and listen to all the evidence and not once did i feel any different about Charlie, we have our problems but they were never about how i think he handle this situation.
Also there is a great documentary regarding the housing crisis CNBC House of Cards.
"Ref: USA v Charles R. Engle
United States District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia
Judge: Jerome B. Friedman
Prosecutor: Joe Kosky
Defendant: Charlie Engle (Charles R. Engle, Jr.)
US Government, IRS, Criminal Investigation: Robert Wayne Nordlander
Nordlander’s Supervisor: David Kalil
Kalil’s boss in Charlotte, NC: Jeannine Hammett
Hammett’s boss: Michael Thomas, Director of Field Operations for the Southeast Region
This trial began September 28, 2010. Sentencing took place on January 10, 2011.
There were 15 Counts of bank fraud, wire fraud, mail fraud, false statements to banks, and money laundering lodged against Charlie Engle. The United States dropped one count of providing false information to HSBC Bank before the trial started. The Jury found Charlie not guilty on the other count of providing false information to Shore Bank of Cape Charles, VA. The Jury found Charlie not guilty of money laundering. The bulk of the charges which resulted in guilty verdicts (12 Counts) involved faxes and Federal Express regarding loan applications and settlement papers. As a layman, I remain confused as to how one can be found not guilty of providing false information to the banks named in the Indictment, yet be found guilty of fraud.
It is important to note here that there were no Counts involving tax issues even though this was an IRS tax investigation. Indeed, this whole sordid affair started as a tax evasion investigation by Robert Nordlander, whom we consider to be a rogue IRS agent, but the United States Government was not able to find any tax code violations. They used what they called a “confession” by Charlie to start an investigation into bank fraud. The “confession” was not a confession. It was a statement regarding two stated income loans which Charlie obtained. Charlie was never advised by any lender that he was getting a stated income loan. This alleged confession to an IRS Undercover Agent took place four years after the loans for Yarmouth and Mason Street were obtained, and represented Charlie’s description of what he came to learn later was his involvement in a couple of “liar’s loans”, and his knowledge that his loan broker attributed a $400,000 annual income to him when the loan broker knew very well that Charlie did not earn $400,000. The Government asked everyone to believe that Charlie confessed to getting liar’s loans, when neither lender testified at trial that they had advised Charlie that he was getting a liar’s loan. Remember, Charlie disclosed all employment information as well as his tax returns to this broker. The Underwriter was a Bank of America company and this company, Impac Funding, had the responsibility to verify Charlie’s assets since this was a SIVA loan (stated income, verify assets). The United States Government knew very well that Impac did not verify assets and other material requirements for the underwriting of this loan. They simply were pushing loans out the door as most of us now know. We had a Judge and Jury who seemed not to know anything about the housing bubble bursting and the subsequent collapse of the mortgage industry due to the subprime lending practices of such banks as Bank of America, through companies such as Impac Funding, and at that time, Countrywide, which later became a Bank of America company. Judge Friedman stated in open court that he had never heard of a Stated Income loan, yet he refused to allow an expert witness to testify as to the lending practices prevalent in 2005-06. These lenders were tasked by the banks with selling these loans and then bundling them into bonds and derivatives for sale to investors, many of whom were foreign entities. Did Kosky, Nordlander, Friedman, Noll, Hammett, or Kalil know anything about what occurred during those 2005-06 days of toxic lending? How could they not? Could they possibly be that uninformed about current events? Together, they convicted what might be the only borrower in the United States of bank fraud regarding Stated Income loans. Charlie’s loans involved no victims. Not one person, other than Charlie Engle, lost money on those loans. He lost almost $100,000 in down payments. He lost the properties and the equity in them. He lost his credit. He lost his means to make a living. He lost his freedom and is going to prison because he got duped into taking two stated income loans on investment properties. Charlie had bought at least 15 properties in his lifetime and made money every time. There were never any issues legally or ethically about these prior purchases and sales. He reported and paid his taxes on all of those transactions. It is an honest way to make a living. The United States Government tried to portray Charlie’s real estate investing as a criminal endeavor. These last two properties, Yarmouth and Mason, turned out to be big losers, for many reasons. Robert W. Nordlander is the main reason for this tragedy. He is a liar and a manipulator. He lied to the Grand Jury, and he lied to the trial jury. He lied to his Supervisors, Kalil and Hammett, and they blessed his lies by okaying his requests for investigation, even after he had to drop tax issues as the basis for his investigation. He used tax evasion as the basis for performing surveillance on Charlie and his friends, for searching Charlie’s garbage, and for impounding Charlie’s mail. What did these efforts turn up? Nothing. So he went back to the well one more time to get an Undercover encounter approved. It is widely known that when there is no evidence of wrongdoing, the next measure for law enforcement is to get a confession, in any way possible. In this case, an agent from Myrtle Beach, Ellen Burrows, was used. I have copies of the confession and copies of the internal IRS memos memorializing the confession. Again, I will say this was not even close to a confession. Nordlander spun the conversation with the Undercover to fit his story. Nordlander’s version of a confession is not only inaccurate, it is intended to deceive.
There were two properties involved: 3118 Yarmouth, which Charlie acquired through a 1031 Exchange, whereby he exchanged a property he had owned for 7 years for the Yarmouth property. His share of the proceeds from the 1031 Exchange was $66,000, which was paid by Towne Bank to Charlie’s Bank of America account at the time of the closing of the Yarmouth escrow. The other property was a condo located at 115 Mason Street in Cape Charles. Charlie had placed a $5000 deposit two and a half years prior in the form of an “option to purchase” for a fixed price of $250,000 upon completion of the under construction condo. Thus, both properties designated in the Indictment were properties which Charlie had long investment ties to and were in no way impulse or short term purchases (schemes) as the United States Government tried to insinuate. The original Mason Street purchase for the option price of $250,000 was executed by a full documentation loan whereby Charlie provided all documentation requested by Shore Bank and its Underwriter. The United States Government, through the person of IRS agent Robert W. Nordlander, introduced a letter of intended employment and claimed that said letter was falsely concocted and part of a scheme to mislead the bank into making the loan. In fact, if the bank had done its required due diligence, it would have found that the letter, which was written by a colleague of Charlie’s named Robert Coyne, was a 100% accurate description of a venture that was underway and in which Charlie had invested $25,000. It is very important to note that this project was only under way a short time and would not qualify as employment for loan purposes anyway, since two years is required for a chain of employment to get a loan. The lender either knew this or should have known this. This was just more misleading information used to try to bring down Charlie Engle. It worked. None of the lenders did the requisite due diligence on these loans. Unfortunately, Charlie’s attorney was unable to grasp the importance of using the lack of due diligence to impeach the lenders’ testimony and the United States Government worked diligently to paint Charlie as a thief and a liar, when they knew very well that it was not true. Consequently, we were not able to pin down the lenders in the eyes of the jury. For many reasons, we are exploring civil remedies against the lenders at this time. It is also important to note here that the trial jury was less than stellar. That’s all I will say about that at this time.
This case started, according to Agent Nordlander’s testimony to the Grand Jury and at trial, when he read a newspaper article about Charlie Engle and his athletic exploits as an ultra-marathoner and a top endurance athlete. Nordlander stated that he was curious how a guy like this could earn a living and travel around the world and compete athletically. He stated that he was certain that Charlie was not reporting taxable income in order to support his lifestyle. It turns out that this “lifestyle” theme is somewhat of a fad among US Attorneys’ offices. Neil MacBride, US Attorney for the Eastern District of Virginia, an Obama appointee, stated for the press that Charlie “manipulated the mortgage industry” to support his lifestyle; a remark that is totally false and misleading. It is difficult to believe that someone as high up the food chain as MacBride could accuse a single borrower, with no victims, of manipulating the mortgage industry by getting duped into taking a couple of stated income loans. Charlie had never heard of a stated income loan in 2005-06, and the lenders didn’t explain to him what they were or why he was getting one. As a matter of fact, Charlie was fedexed the subject loan applications, which were all filled out by the lenders, and told to return them in a matter of an hour or two, in order to meet the close of escrow deadline. This was part of their scam. Not only did they never review the loans with Charlie, they forced him to sign as much as 50-60 pages of loan docs in a few hours and return them immediately. Charlie never met any of these lenders face to face. These loans had 2/28 ARM’s, resettable every 6 months, based on the LIBOR, and were interest only, starting at 7.5% interest. These loans were so toxic that it wasn’t safe to be in the same room with them. Charlie, nor anyone, could have ever serviced these loans. When the housing market collapsed, because of these kinds of loans, Charlie quickly and wisely defaulted. He would never have been able to make those payments, even though he serviced the Yarmouth loan for almost a year. The condo went from an appraised value of $415,000 in 2006, to $124,000 today, and it is not selling at $124,000. Something is very wrong with those numbers. What really went on with that condo? What does the Government know that they have not revealed? The Yarmouth house went from $555,000 to less than $275,000 today. The Mason Street condo sold in foreclosure for more than Charlie owed, so there was no loss to the bank or anyone. Whoever bought it though has lost a ton by now. The Yarmouth house sold for $292,000, generated a foreclosure loss for B of A of approximately $262,000, an amount which the US Government has asked Charlie to repay. Are they blaming Charlie for the collapse of the housing market? Nordlander writes in an internal IRS memo that Charlie indeed caused the collapse of the US housing market. Yes, I have it in writing. Charlie should not be tasked with paying this loss to a bank which caused this problem to begin with. Has the Government asked any of Bernie Madoff’s victims to pay him back because they stopped paying into his funds?
This case is an embarrassment to me, to US citizens everywhere, and to the United States Government. They have ruined Charlie Engle’s life. He lost speaking engagement contracts, endorsements, magazine article fees, and so much more. We don’t know why this occurred. Nordlander claims he was just reading his newspaper. Frankly, I don’t believe him. I believe he had another motive and we are looking into that possibility currently. He testified also that if he saw a person driving a nice car, like a Ferrari, he might run the tags, and pull the driver’s tax returns to see if it looked like he could afford such a car. How did we get to this point in the United States of America? Is our Government so morally bankrupt that they have to delve into citizens’ private lives when there is no visible sign of wrongdoing? Actually, sponsors were paying for Charlie’s travels. Nordlander, Kosky, and Neil MacBride hammered Charlie’s lifestyle at every opportunity, and how he was defrauding banks through second mortgages to get money to support his lifestyle. In fact, I have an internal IRS memo from Nordlander to Kalil and Hammett stating that Charlie Engle appeared NOT to be living a “lavish” lifestyle. Notwithstanding that statement, they continued to tell the Grand Jury, the trial jury, and the press that Charlie used unlawfully obtained money to support his lifestyle. This is just not true. They used a journalist/goon named Tim McGlone in Norfolk to spread their propaganda. First he reported erroneously that Charlie took loan money to finance his run across Africa. Elementary fact checking would have proven that to be not true. His most recent contribution to the Government was describing Charlie’s loans as over a million dollars in an article after the sentencing took place. Of course, they counted the Mason Street condo, which was originally purchased for $250,000, and paid off in full on a refinance for $300,000, as $550,000 in purchases. By counting the condo twice, they simply continued the thread of deception which they engaged in from day one. They wanted to use that million dollar figure. At the end, the restitution amount shrunk to $260,000, and that was simply due to default and foreclosure. That property would have lost its value whether it was sold or not sold. All properties lost their values during this time frame.
Charlie obtained $66,000 from the proceeds of a 1031 Exchange. This was totally legal and the United States Government did not ask Charlie to repay it. The same is true for the $80,000 he received from the “cash out refinance” of the Mason condo. He paid $250,000, with $50,000 down payment originally, and months later refinanced it for $300,000 against an appraisal of $400,000 and withdrew $80,000 in equity. This was perfectly legal. Charlie left even more equity on the table. The transaction was called a “cash out refinance”. There was nothing deceptive about that. Remember, the property was later sold in foreclosure for more than the $300,000 loan amount. The statements by the Government that Charlie took $146,000 from second mortgages was simply not true. There was one second mortgage involved in the three transactions and that was for $111,000 on the Yarmouth property. That $111,000 was a purchase money second mortgage, and went directly to the Seller. Furthermore, the Government, as late as Jan. 10, 2011, at the sentencing was telling the Court that Charlie had caused the banks to lose $405,000. In fact, based on discovery provided by the United States Government before the trial in September, 2010, the Mason condo was sold in foreclosure for $312,000. So why did Nordlander, Kosky, Kalil, and Hammett continue to insist that the banks lost $405,000? I can only surmise that they continued to lie about the numbers in order to confuse the real issue, which was that subprime lending practices had caused the housing bubble to burst, and not individual borrowers who were coerced into taking stated income loans.
We just found out that Charlie is to report to Beckley, West Virginia, on February 14, 2011. Of course, they wouldn’t send him to Butner, which is about 55 miles from Greensboro. Then he would be able to see his sons and friends regularly. The Government certainly wouldn’t want that. We have no idea why this Prosecutor, Kosky, or the Probation Officer, Jeff Noll, would misrepresent the truth so blatantly and aggressively against someone like Charlie. Noll’s presentencing report was so amateurish as to be embarrassing. It was filled with errors and misstatements of facts. He requested that Charlie serve 47 months in prison. There was a federal sentence handed down in Seattle recently to two individuals who caused the IRS to lose out on $240 million in taxes in a tax shelter scheme. The sentence: 50 months. The question remains: why did these United States Government people want so badly to put Charlie Engle in prison over two stated income loans, and no victims were involved other than Charlie.
Charlie has helped many, many people get off drugs and alcohol. He is active to this day in that regard. He was instrumental in helping to raise over $6 million for H2O Africa, with the Matt Damon Foundation. Charlie starred in a documentary, Running the Sahara, narrated by Matt Damon. He did this in the middle of this property mess. Yes, he definitely was trying to make some money to support himself and service his debt, including child support payments during this time. He was committed to his sport and he was trying to turn it into a way to make a living. The United States Government repeatedly accused him of trying to make money to pay his child support and living expenses. Since when did that become against the law in the United States of America? Nordlander is someone we understand to a point. Let’s just say he has “shortcomings”, which might explain some forms of envy vis a vis a Charlie Engle, but it doesn’t explain his propensity for lying under oath, which I look forward to disclosing. He should be indicted for perjury. More troubling is how his Supervisors, Kalil and Hammett, justified using a tax investigation to trample on Charlie’s Fourth Amendment and other rights, and to investigate every aspect of his personal life only to toss it aside, and substitute bank fraud because of a conversation with an IRS Undercover in Mimi’s Café in Greensboro, NC. The IRS had everything but a SWAT Team involved in the Undercover operation. They were armed and there were seven or eight of them. They spent over 660 hours admittedly on this investigation at a cost to the taxpayers of probably more that $2 million. I don’t know the real amount. They do. And what is the outcome? Charlie is to spend 21 months in prison and repay Bank of America $262,000 for a default and foreclosure, which is only one of millions caused by the subprime lending practices of banks like B of A. There is nothing else to the case. It was so simple and so void of substance that nobody, including the jury, the Judge, our attorneys, the prosecutor, and the IRS, could understand it. The jury is a topic I will address later.
One lender is an admitted liar and a felon. He forged his own parents’ signatures on a loan application. Nordlander never mentions his name, which is John J. Hellman, Jr., of Priority Financial, in any internal IRS memos that I can find. One Grand Juror asked Nordlander if the loan officers might be indicted. Nordlander and Kosky deflected the question and no answer appears in the Grand Jury transcript. They clearly avoided making a response to the Grand Juror. This Hellman character has not been sentenced yet. I am watching with great interest to see what he gets for a sentence. To his credit, he did not admit to any scheme with Charlie, since there was none, which is what the Government had charged Charlie with publicly. He simply said that Charlie told him that he was making $32,500 a month, a figure so implausible that it would be comical if the consequences were not so severe. The loan application he wrote for Charlie was revealed by a handwriting expert hired by the US Government to have been initialed apparently “by someone other than” Charlie Engle, and signed by someone who might or might not be Charlie Engle. Would that be reasonable doubt? I have in my possession four other loan application pages signed by John Hellman. All four are clearly signed by different people. This lender was churning out stated income loans, but you won’t learn that from the United States Government. By all rights, all borrowers who received Stated Income loans involving John J. Hellman, Jr., through Priority Financial, or Impac Funding should have been notified that he was under investigation for falsifying income on loans. How many such loans were brokered by Hellman that involved Stated Income loans? The Government withheld this information from the Grand Jury and provided no testimony at trial as to the extent to which Hellman brokered these loans. Why wasn’t Charlie notified that this person was indicted for falsifying Stated Income Loans? The lenders certainly should have notified everyone who received a loan from Priority Financial or any Bank of America company. There are lots of unanswered questions. A big one would be: how many Bank of America/Countrywide/Impac Funding executives have been indicted for subprime lending practices?
The other loan by Linda Gaskill of Shore Bank in Cape Charles attributed an income of $15,000/month to Charlie. Charlie denies telling her that, but at the same time, Charlie had bank deposits in 2005, the year that loan was applied for, of $247,000, with an income of over $180,000, so there was no falsification anyway. The United States Government lied about that income to the Grand Jury and to the Trial Jury. Thus, there are only two loans in question, because the third loan was a full doc loan which was fully repaid by the refinance. Of the two, we have a forgery on the loan application of one, and the stated income in the proper amount of $180,000 on the other. So how did this happen? When the tax investigation scheme created by Nordlander proved not to be viable, he was probably embarrassed to have wasted so much Government time and money, so he lied to his Supervisor about the tax evasion, in order to bring in the Undercover.
It is also noteworthy here to clarify the degree to which these lenders went to avoid knowing Charlie’s income. On four occasions, two by Linda Gaskill at Shore Bank, and two by Hellman’s staff at Priority Financial, the lenders had Charlie’s employer at Extreme Makeover, Home Edition, on the telephone to verify Charlie’s employment. They both aggressively made certain to let this person know that they did NOT want to know Charlie’s income. Hellman’s Underwriter even wrote in black and white bold print on a Verification of Employment form which the employer, Rob Davis signed, “NO INCOME NEEDED, THANKS.” Did the United States Government know this? Of course they did. They had a copy of the Verification of Employment form described above. Furthermore, this does not explain why both lenders did not order and read Charlie’s tax returns. He signed 4506 Forms giving both of them permission to access his tax returns. The fact remains that these lenders wanted to be able to put down an income figure necessary to fit the requisite ratios needed by the Underwriters to approve the loans. They assured Charlie that he was already pre-approved and requested that he trust them and just sign and return the forms. Not only did the United States Government know this, the United States Government encouraged these practices by turning a blind eye to all regulation regarding these subprime lenders.
The fact, though, remains, that those liar’s loans cost Charlie a lot of money and he, and only he, lost money because of them, so what kind of a confession would that be? We will let US public opinion make a determination about this case. I asked Brad Miller, Charlie’s North Carolina Congressman, to monitor the case; not to get involved, but to monitor it. He blew it off. We shall see what others say about this case.
I have the documentation to back up what I have written in this paper/complaint, particularly regarding Charlie’s innocence of the income falsification charges, which is what the entire case was about. I want to state here that even if Charlie had misstated, exaggerated, or falsified his income, he should not be going to prison. Millions of people were duped into taking stated income loans during 2005-06. It was such a corrupt lending tactic that the US Senate in May, 2010, banned further use of stated income loans. If the US Government arrested all of the people who were duped into falsifying their income on stated income loans during that period of time, the judicial system and the prisons would be full for many, many more years. Anyone who is minimally current regarding the lending/banking/housing crisis knows the role that stated income loans played in the near destruction of the US economy. How then could Judge Friedman, the Jury, Mr. Kosky, Mr. Noll, Nordlander, Mr. Kalil, Ms. Hammett, and US Attorney Neil MacBride have such a low level of awareness regarding the current events now and in 2005-06? The United States is still in economic trouble because of subprime lending practices by banks such as Bank of America. It is appalling that these people could be so ignorant of the facts. I ask again. What was the real reason for the viciousness and mean-spirited IRS lynching of Charlie Engle?
I am a US Army veteran, having served from 1966-69. I volunteered my services because I thought it was the right thing to do. How proud am I of my Government now?
Richard Engle"
This will be the last time i will make reference about the case, I decided to post it since Anonymous is determined to tell us all how wrong Charlie was, let me say something, i sat thought the trial and listen to all the evidence and not once did i feel any different about Charlie, we have our problems but they were never about how i think he handle this situation.
Also there is a great documentary regarding the housing crisis CNBC House of Cards.
"Ref: USA v Charles R. Engle
United States District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia
Judge: Jerome B. Friedman
Prosecutor: Joe Kosky
Defendant: Charlie Engle (Charles R. Engle, Jr.)
US Government, IRS, Criminal Investigation: Robert Wayne Nordlander
Nordlander’s Supervisor: David Kalil
Kalil’s boss in Charlotte, NC: Jeannine Hammett
Hammett’s boss: Michael Thomas, Director of Field Operations for the Southeast Region
This trial began September 28, 2010. Sentencing took place on January 10, 2011.
There were 15 Counts of bank fraud, wire fraud, mail fraud, false statements to banks, and money laundering lodged against Charlie Engle. The United States dropped one count of providing false information to HSBC Bank before the trial started. The Jury found Charlie not guilty on the other count of providing false information to Shore Bank of Cape Charles, VA. The Jury found Charlie not guilty of money laundering. The bulk of the charges which resulted in guilty verdicts (12 Counts) involved faxes and Federal Express regarding loan applications and settlement papers. As a layman, I remain confused as to how one can be found not guilty of providing false information to the banks named in the Indictment, yet be found guilty of fraud.
It is important to note here that there were no Counts involving tax issues even though this was an IRS tax investigation. Indeed, this whole sordid affair started as a tax evasion investigation by Robert Nordlander, whom we consider to be a rogue IRS agent, but the United States Government was not able to find any tax code violations. They used what they called a “confession” by Charlie to start an investigation into bank fraud. The “confession” was not a confession. It was a statement regarding two stated income loans which Charlie obtained. Charlie was never advised by any lender that he was getting a stated income loan. This alleged confession to an IRS Undercover Agent took place four years after the loans for Yarmouth and Mason Street were obtained, and represented Charlie’s description of what he came to learn later was his involvement in a couple of “liar’s loans”, and his knowledge that his loan broker attributed a $400,000 annual income to him when the loan broker knew very well that Charlie did not earn $400,000. The Government asked everyone to believe that Charlie confessed to getting liar’s loans, when neither lender testified at trial that they had advised Charlie that he was getting a liar’s loan. Remember, Charlie disclosed all employment information as well as his tax returns to this broker. The Underwriter was a Bank of America company and this company, Impac Funding, had the responsibility to verify Charlie’s assets since this was a SIVA loan (stated income, verify assets). The United States Government knew very well that Impac did not verify assets and other material requirements for the underwriting of this loan. They simply were pushing loans out the door as most of us now know. We had a Judge and Jury who seemed not to know anything about the housing bubble bursting and the subsequent collapse of the mortgage industry due to the subprime lending practices of such banks as Bank of America, through companies such as Impac Funding, and at that time, Countrywide, which later became a Bank of America company. Judge Friedman stated in open court that he had never heard of a Stated Income loan, yet he refused to allow an expert witness to testify as to the lending practices prevalent in 2005-06. These lenders were tasked by the banks with selling these loans and then bundling them into bonds and derivatives for sale to investors, many of whom were foreign entities. Did Kosky, Nordlander, Friedman, Noll, Hammett, or Kalil know anything about what occurred during those 2005-06 days of toxic lending? How could they not? Could they possibly be that uninformed about current events? Together, they convicted what might be the only borrower in the United States of bank fraud regarding Stated Income loans. Charlie’s loans involved no victims. Not one person, other than Charlie Engle, lost money on those loans. He lost almost $100,000 in down payments. He lost the properties and the equity in them. He lost his credit. He lost his means to make a living. He lost his freedom and is going to prison because he got duped into taking two stated income loans on investment properties. Charlie had bought at least 15 properties in his lifetime and made money every time. There were never any issues legally or ethically about these prior purchases and sales. He reported and paid his taxes on all of those transactions. It is an honest way to make a living. The United States Government tried to portray Charlie’s real estate investing as a criminal endeavor. These last two properties, Yarmouth and Mason, turned out to be big losers, for many reasons. Robert W. Nordlander is the main reason for this tragedy. He is a liar and a manipulator. He lied to the Grand Jury, and he lied to the trial jury. He lied to his Supervisors, Kalil and Hammett, and they blessed his lies by okaying his requests for investigation, even after he had to drop tax issues as the basis for his investigation. He used tax evasion as the basis for performing surveillance on Charlie and his friends, for searching Charlie’s garbage, and for impounding Charlie’s mail. What did these efforts turn up? Nothing. So he went back to the well one more time to get an Undercover encounter approved. It is widely known that when there is no evidence of wrongdoing, the next measure for law enforcement is to get a confession, in any way possible. In this case, an agent from Myrtle Beach, Ellen Burrows, was used. I have copies of the confession and copies of the internal IRS memos memorializing the confession. Again, I will say this was not even close to a confession. Nordlander spun the conversation with the Undercover to fit his story. Nordlander’s version of a confession is not only inaccurate, it is intended to deceive.
There were two properties involved: 3118 Yarmouth, which Charlie acquired through a 1031 Exchange, whereby he exchanged a property he had owned for 7 years for the Yarmouth property. His share of the proceeds from the 1031 Exchange was $66,000, which was paid by Towne Bank to Charlie’s Bank of America account at the time of the closing of the Yarmouth escrow. The other property was a condo located at 115 Mason Street in Cape Charles. Charlie had placed a $5000 deposit two and a half years prior in the form of an “option to purchase” for a fixed price of $250,000 upon completion of the under construction condo. Thus, both properties designated in the Indictment were properties which Charlie had long investment ties to and were in no way impulse or short term purchases (schemes) as the United States Government tried to insinuate. The original Mason Street purchase for the option price of $250,000 was executed by a full documentation loan whereby Charlie provided all documentation requested by Shore Bank and its Underwriter. The United States Government, through the person of IRS agent Robert W. Nordlander, introduced a letter of intended employment and claimed that said letter was falsely concocted and part of a scheme to mislead the bank into making the loan. In fact, if the bank had done its required due diligence, it would have found that the letter, which was written by a colleague of Charlie’s named Robert Coyne, was a 100% accurate description of a venture that was underway and in which Charlie had invested $25,000. It is very important to note that this project was only under way a short time and would not qualify as employment for loan purposes anyway, since two years is required for a chain of employment to get a loan. The lender either knew this or should have known this. This was just more misleading information used to try to bring down Charlie Engle. It worked. None of the lenders did the requisite due diligence on these loans. Unfortunately, Charlie’s attorney was unable to grasp the importance of using the lack of due diligence to impeach the lenders’ testimony and the United States Government worked diligently to paint Charlie as a thief and a liar, when they knew very well that it was not true. Consequently, we were not able to pin down the lenders in the eyes of the jury. For many reasons, we are exploring civil remedies against the lenders at this time. It is also important to note here that the trial jury was less than stellar. That’s all I will say about that at this time.
This case started, according to Agent Nordlander’s testimony to the Grand Jury and at trial, when he read a newspaper article about Charlie Engle and his athletic exploits as an ultra-marathoner and a top endurance athlete. Nordlander stated that he was curious how a guy like this could earn a living and travel around the world and compete athletically. He stated that he was certain that Charlie was not reporting taxable income in order to support his lifestyle. It turns out that this “lifestyle” theme is somewhat of a fad among US Attorneys’ offices. Neil MacBride, US Attorney for the Eastern District of Virginia, an Obama appointee, stated for the press that Charlie “manipulated the mortgage industry” to support his lifestyle; a remark that is totally false and misleading. It is difficult to believe that someone as high up the food chain as MacBride could accuse a single borrower, with no victims, of manipulating the mortgage industry by getting duped into taking a couple of stated income loans. Charlie had never heard of a stated income loan in 2005-06, and the lenders didn’t explain to him what they were or why he was getting one. As a matter of fact, Charlie was fedexed the subject loan applications, which were all filled out by the lenders, and told to return them in a matter of an hour or two, in order to meet the close of escrow deadline. This was part of their scam. Not only did they never review the loans with Charlie, they forced him to sign as much as 50-60 pages of loan docs in a few hours and return them immediately. Charlie never met any of these lenders face to face. These loans had 2/28 ARM’s, resettable every 6 months, based on the LIBOR, and were interest only, starting at 7.5% interest. These loans were so toxic that it wasn’t safe to be in the same room with them. Charlie, nor anyone, could have ever serviced these loans. When the housing market collapsed, because of these kinds of loans, Charlie quickly and wisely defaulted. He would never have been able to make those payments, even though he serviced the Yarmouth loan for almost a year. The condo went from an appraised value of $415,000 in 2006, to $124,000 today, and it is not selling at $124,000. Something is very wrong with those numbers. What really went on with that condo? What does the Government know that they have not revealed? The Yarmouth house went from $555,000 to less than $275,000 today. The Mason Street condo sold in foreclosure for more than Charlie owed, so there was no loss to the bank or anyone. Whoever bought it though has lost a ton by now. The Yarmouth house sold for $292,000, generated a foreclosure loss for B of A of approximately $262,000, an amount which the US Government has asked Charlie to repay. Are they blaming Charlie for the collapse of the housing market? Nordlander writes in an internal IRS memo that Charlie indeed caused the collapse of the US housing market. Yes, I have it in writing. Charlie should not be tasked with paying this loss to a bank which caused this problem to begin with. Has the Government asked any of Bernie Madoff’s victims to pay him back because they stopped paying into his funds?
This case is an embarrassment to me, to US citizens everywhere, and to the United States Government. They have ruined Charlie Engle’s life. He lost speaking engagement contracts, endorsements, magazine article fees, and so much more. We don’t know why this occurred. Nordlander claims he was just reading his newspaper. Frankly, I don’t believe him. I believe he had another motive and we are looking into that possibility currently. He testified also that if he saw a person driving a nice car, like a Ferrari, he might run the tags, and pull the driver’s tax returns to see if it looked like he could afford such a car. How did we get to this point in the United States of America? Is our Government so morally bankrupt that they have to delve into citizens’ private lives when there is no visible sign of wrongdoing? Actually, sponsors were paying for Charlie’s travels. Nordlander, Kosky, and Neil MacBride hammered Charlie’s lifestyle at every opportunity, and how he was defrauding banks through second mortgages to get money to support his lifestyle. In fact, I have an internal IRS memo from Nordlander to Kalil and Hammett stating that Charlie Engle appeared NOT to be living a “lavish” lifestyle. Notwithstanding that statement, they continued to tell the Grand Jury, the trial jury, and the press that Charlie used unlawfully obtained money to support his lifestyle. This is just not true. They used a journalist/goon named Tim McGlone in Norfolk to spread their propaganda. First he reported erroneously that Charlie took loan money to finance his run across Africa. Elementary fact checking would have proven that to be not true. His most recent contribution to the Government was describing Charlie’s loans as over a million dollars in an article after the sentencing took place. Of course, they counted the Mason Street condo, which was originally purchased for $250,000, and paid off in full on a refinance for $300,000, as $550,000 in purchases. By counting the condo twice, they simply continued the thread of deception which they engaged in from day one. They wanted to use that million dollar figure. At the end, the restitution amount shrunk to $260,000, and that was simply due to default and foreclosure. That property would have lost its value whether it was sold or not sold. All properties lost their values during this time frame.
Charlie obtained $66,000 from the proceeds of a 1031 Exchange. This was totally legal and the United States Government did not ask Charlie to repay it. The same is true for the $80,000 he received from the “cash out refinance” of the Mason condo. He paid $250,000, with $50,000 down payment originally, and months later refinanced it for $300,000 against an appraisal of $400,000 and withdrew $80,000 in equity. This was perfectly legal. Charlie left even more equity on the table. The transaction was called a “cash out refinance”. There was nothing deceptive about that. Remember, the property was later sold in foreclosure for more than the $300,000 loan amount. The statements by the Government that Charlie took $146,000 from second mortgages was simply not true. There was one second mortgage involved in the three transactions and that was for $111,000 on the Yarmouth property. That $111,000 was a purchase money second mortgage, and went directly to the Seller. Furthermore, the Government, as late as Jan. 10, 2011, at the sentencing was telling the Court that Charlie had caused the banks to lose $405,000. In fact, based on discovery provided by the United States Government before the trial in September, 2010, the Mason condo was sold in foreclosure for $312,000. So why did Nordlander, Kosky, Kalil, and Hammett continue to insist that the banks lost $405,000? I can only surmise that they continued to lie about the numbers in order to confuse the real issue, which was that subprime lending practices had caused the housing bubble to burst, and not individual borrowers who were coerced into taking stated income loans.
We just found out that Charlie is to report to Beckley, West Virginia, on February 14, 2011. Of course, they wouldn’t send him to Butner, which is about 55 miles from Greensboro. Then he would be able to see his sons and friends regularly. The Government certainly wouldn’t want that. We have no idea why this Prosecutor, Kosky, or the Probation Officer, Jeff Noll, would misrepresent the truth so blatantly and aggressively against someone like Charlie. Noll’s presentencing report was so amateurish as to be embarrassing. It was filled with errors and misstatements of facts. He requested that Charlie serve 47 months in prison. There was a federal sentence handed down in Seattle recently to two individuals who caused the IRS to lose out on $240 million in taxes in a tax shelter scheme. The sentence: 50 months. The question remains: why did these United States Government people want so badly to put Charlie Engle in prison over two stated income loans, and no victims were involved other than Charlie.
Charlie has helped many, many people get off drugs and alcohol. He is active to this day in that regard. He was instrumental in helping to raise over $6 million for H2O Africa, with the Matt Damon Foundation. Charlie starred in a documentary, Running the Sahara, narrated by Matt Damon. He did this in the middle of this property mess. Yes, he definitely was trying to make some money to support himself and service his debt, including child support payments during this time. He was committed to his sport and he was trying to turn it into a way to make a living. The United States Government repeatedly accused him of trying to make money to pay his child support and living expenses. Since when did that become against the law in the United States of America? Nordlander is someone we understand to a point. Let’s just say he has “shortcomings”, which might explain some forms of envy vis a vis a Charlie Engle, but it doesn’t explain his propensity for lying under oath, which I look forward to disclosing. He should be indicted for perjury. More troubling is how his Supervisors, Kalil and Hammett, justified using a tax investigation to trample on Charlie’s Fourth Amendment and other rights, and to investigate every aspect of his personal life only to toss it aside, and substitute bank fraud because of a conversation with an IRS Undercover in Mimi’s Café in Greensboro, NC. The IRS had everything but a SWAT Team involved in the Undercover operation. They were armed and there were seven or eight of them. They spent over 660 hours admittedly on this investigation at a cost to the taxpayers of probably more that $2 million. I don’t know the real amount. They do. And what is the outcome? Charlie is to spend 21 months in prison and repay Bank of America $262,000 for a default and foreclosure, which is only one of millions caused by the subprime lending practices of banks like B of A. There is nothing else to the case. It was so simple and so void of substance that nobody, including the jury, the Judge, our attorneys, the prosecutor, and the IRS, could understand it. The jury is a topic I will address later.
One lender is an admitted liar and a felon. He forged his own parents’ signatures on a loan application. Nordlander never mentions his name, which is John J. Hellman, Jr., of Priority Financial, in any internal IRS memos that I can find. One Grand Juror asked Nordlander if the loan officers might be indicted. Nordlander and Kosky deflected the question and no answer appears in the Grand Jury transcript. They clearly avoided making a response to the Grand Juror. This Hellman character has not been sentenced yet. I am watching with great interest to see what he gets for a sentence. To his credit, he did not admit to any scheme with Charlie, since there was none, which is what the Government had charged Charlie with publicly. He simply said that Charlie told him that he was making $32,500 a month, a figure so implausible that it would be comical if the consequences were not so severe. The loan application he wrote for Charlie was revealed by a handwriting expert hired by the US Government to have been initialed apparently “by someone other than” Charlie Engle, and signed by someone who might or might not be Charlie Engle. Would that be reasonable doubt? I have in my possession four other loan application pages signed by John Hellman. All four are clearly signed by different people. This lender was churning out stated income loans, but you won’t learn that from the United States Government. By all rights, all borrowers who received Stated Income loans involving John J. Hellman, Jr., through Priority Financial, or Impac Funding should have been notified that he was under investigation for falsifying income on loans. How many such loans were brokered by Hellman that involved Stated Income loans? The Government withheld this information from the Grand Jury and provided no testimony at trial as to the extent to which Hellman brokered these loans. Why wasn’t Charlie notified that this person was indicted for falsifying Stated Income Loans? The lenders certainly should have notified everyone who received a loan from Priority Financial or any Bank of America company. There are lots of unanswered questions. A big one would be: how many Bank of America/Countrywide/Impac Funding executives have been indicted for subprime lending practices?
The other loan by Linda Gaskill of Shore Bank in Cape Charles attributed an income of $15,000/month to Charlie. Charlie denies telling her that, but at the same time, Charlie had bank deposits in 2005, the year that loan was applied for, of $247,000, with an income of over $180,000, so there was no falsification anyway. The United States Government lied about that income to the Grand Jury and to the Trial Jury. Thus, there are only two loans in question, because the third loan was a full doc loan which was fully repaid by the refinance. Of the two, we have a forgery on the loan application of one, and the stated income in the proper amount of $180,000 on the other. So how did this happen? When the tax investigation scheme created by Nordlander proved not to be viable, he was probably embarrassed to have wasted so much Government time and money, so he lied to his Supervisor about the tax evasion, in order to bring in the Undercover.
It is also noteworthy here to clarify the degree to which these lenders went to avoid knowing Charlie’s income. On four occasions, two by Linda Gaskill at Shore Bank, and two by Hellman’s staff at Priority Financial, the lenders had Charlie’s employer at Extreme Makeover, Home Edition, on the telephone to verify Charlie’s employment. They both aggressively made certain to let this person know that they did NOT want to know Charlie’s income. Hellman’s Underwriter even wrote in black and white bold print on a Verification of Employment form which the employer, Rob Davis signed, “NO INCOME NEEDED, THANKS.” Did the United States Government know this? Of course they did. They had a copy of the Verification of Employment form described above. Furthermore, this does not explain why both lenders did not order and read Charlie’s tax returns. He signed 4506 Forms giving both of them permission to access his tax returns. The fact remains that these lenders wanted to be able to put down an income figure necessary to fit the requisite ratios needed by the Underwriters to approve the loans. They assured Charlie that he was already pre-approved and requested that he trust them and just sign and return the forms. Not only did the United States Government know this, the United States Government encouraged these practices by turning a blind eye to all regulation regarding these subprime lenders.
The fact, though, remains, that those liar’s loans cost Charlie a lot of money and he, and only he, lost money because of them, so what kind of a confession would that be? We will let US public opinion make a determination about this case. I asked Brad Miller, Charlie’s North Carolina Congressman, to monitor the case; not to get involved, but to monitor it. He blew it off. We shall see what others say about this case.
I have the documentation to back up what I have written in this paper/complaint, particularly regarding Charlie’s innocence of the income falsification charges, which is what the entire case was about. I want to state here that even if Charlie had misstated, exaggerated, or falsified his income, he should not be going to prison. Millions of people were duped into taking stated income loans during 2005-06. It was such a corrupt lending tactic that the US Senate in May, 2010, banned further use of stated income loans. If the US Government arrested all of the people who were duped into falsifying their income on stated income loans during that period of time, the judicial system and the prisons would be full for many, many more years. Anyone who is minimally current regarding the lending/banking/housing crisis knows the role that stated income loans played in the near destruction of the US economy. How then could Judge Friedman, the Jury, Mr. Kosky, Mr. Noll, Nordlander, Mr. Kalil, Ms. Hammett, and US Attorney Neil MacBride have such a low level of awareness regarding the current events now and in 2005-06? The United States is still in economic trouble because of subprime lending practices by banks such as Bank of America. It is appalling that these people could be so ignorant of the facts. I ask again. What was the real reason for the viciousness and mean-spirited IRS lynching of Charlie Engle?
I am a US Army veteran, having served from 1966-69. I volunteered my services because I thought it was the right thing to do. How proud am I of my Government now?
Richard Engle"
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
The formula
I have try to post for so long just to loose my courage. Just like my good friend and fellow adventurer Bill told me, "your blog sucks lately, you are evasive, it was better when you spoke honestly". so here we go.
if you are looking for adventure or running you should stop reading right now. I am not sure how much i want to share yet so it be PG-13 or N-17, I have always been brutally honest to my friends, none of this is news but to strangers is not exactly small talk.
Things keep coming up and as usual i just deal with them as they come the best i can, when i find myself on a situation where i thing i am over my head, either in an expedition or a relationship i ask myself questions honestly and try to figure out, to a lot of people this seems cold and calculating specially if its about something personal but i believe this works for me, there is nothing worse than spinning your wheels.
Lets look at my current situation for example, I am in Vancouver still jumping hoops to get a job as a personal trainer, hell, i dont even get call back to volunteer at one of the gyms, i am not special enough, Vancouver is full of great athletes and my resume is not opening doors yet, i broke my right hand and barely missed have it operated on after they broke my hand and re set it twice. I am missing Arrowhead ultra as a result and most likely Badwater ultra since haven't really run enough races to qualify,last year i was MIA in the ultra world because i was climbing instead. I lost my sponsors so climbing is off until further notice and Charlie and I are on a break and not sure when if it will ever resolve. So how am i doing? I am great really. Every time i find myself in a situation that promises to turn into something too stressful, I use a formula to dig my way out of it.
So here is the process
First realize that it could be worse. Long time ago i promise to myself than i could handle anything except something happening to my kids, so instantly no matter what happens i feel grateful that is not that.
Second -I am honest to myself so I avoid the blame game, nothing good comes of that, the why is important only so you can hopefully stop it from happening again, after that throw it away or you will spin your wheels. The world is full of people like Marlon Brando's character Terry Mallow on the movie On the Waterfront screaming "I could have been a contender"
Third-Find the good things that this opportunity is bringing, no matter what it is if there is something hang on for dear life. If there is nothing then go to step four.
Fourth- Make something amazing out of what ever challenge you overcame, don't let it be in vain, things don't happen for a reason is up to you to give them meaning. Just imagine the incredible courage that it took for the mother who lost a child to a drunk driver and then created Mothers Against Drunk Drivers.
So for me, Vancouver has proven tought but it has also given so many opportunities for my kids, my youngest son Hans is like a twin with my nephew, they are very busy with sports and it makes me happy to know he is not hanging out at the 7-11.
Karl's grades just exploded, thanks to the accommodations the school is making he is back to where he was before he was diagnosed, all A's and B's, he is feeling so confident that he even choose a University Emily Carr he wants to study Industrial design, you should have seen my sister's Muneca's face when Karl told her, "visual arts?!!"i am still smiling about it, until now everybody has focus on what karl was able to do, not on what he is capable of accomplishing if given the right tools.
So by now you probably forgotten that i cant find a job right? I not only stop the pity party, i also threw a party for the new found opportunities, what ever you feed your brain is what you will get, anger in, stress and depression out, happiness in, laughter love and excitement out, simple.
If you are reading this and thinking of excuses of why you really can't overcome this, whatever it is, a bad job, a bad relationship, go back and try the steps again, if your still can't find it is for one reason and one only. You don't want the change, and its OK, is perfectly fine, is OK as long as you don't drive yourself crazy over this. Own it or it will own you. One of my sister use to drive herself crazy over her weight, she use to call me crying all the time, she cried because she missed her treats, so i reminded her that she was certainly not movie star shape but healthy so it was OK but she cried and cried because she wanted to rock a bikini, then she use to also call me when she had a cookie, i finally couldn't take it anymore, i told her to eat or not eat the cookies i didn't care, to just made up her mind about what was more important to her then to stick to it. At the end she stuck to it until she reached a comfortable weight, not bikini but short dress weight, then made sure to enjoy her cookies responsible, easier to maintain that to loose the weight.
Of course i always get the easy for you to say, and no, is never easy for anybody and since when is it a competition? and what do you get then, yes your life do really suck, you win, now go and live a miserable life guilt free? is in it the whole point to ALWAYS find the way out?
For me life has showed me many opportunities when the skill to quickly survive and excel at a challenge proved a lifesaver, the first time i was rape i was 12, i was left to care for a relative and took advantage of me, and you want to know what it's worse, that relative was blind, so later i had to learn to overcome what blindness signified to me but for my sons i will do anything. So no, is never easy for anybody but I have seen what giving up looks like, i wasn't the only one in my extended family of course and it pains me to see the others who ended up with terrible lives as a result.
So there you go Bill, i hope you are right when you told me that by sharing i will allow other's to find their peace. There is something about keeping secrets that destroys you. For me everything changed when Oprah talked about it on her show, I felt relieved that somebody else had gone through it too, not only did she survived it but thrived, make no mistake, i will never say that it made me who i am, i am who i am inspite of it, this should never happen to a child ever or any human being for that matter.
So how did I overcome this? I kept focusing on things such as sparing my other little cousins of the same fate. It took me an awful long time to find the courage to tell, once I did they couldn't keep my mouth shut.
There seems to be thousands of years between that child and who I am now, that been the lowest point of my life then, recently I felt the same pain only stronger when Karl was diagnosed with Cone Rod Dystrophy and I was waiting on results for my other son Hans to see if the growth on his bone was benign or cancerous, thankfully turned out to be benign, I learned that what ever pain I felt was nothing compared to the one I felt then, so never again will I complain about me, but I wish for my kids a long and uneventful life.
I am ready again, I will be going to the drawing table soon to find something that I CAN do, enough with what I can't, I am sure that if I dream hard enough I will find an amazing adventure waiting to be had.
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
if you are looking for adventure or running you should stop reading right now. I am not sure how much i want to share yet so it be PG-13 or N-17, I have always been brutally honest to my friends, none of this is news but to strangers is not exactly small talk.
Things keep coming up and as usual i just deal with them as they come the best i can, when i find myself on a situation where i thing i am over my head, either in an expedition or a relationship i ask myself questions honestly and try to figure out, to a lot of people this seems cold and calculating specially if its about something personal but i believe this works for me, there is nothing worse than spinning your wheels.
Lets look at my current situation for example, I am in Vancouver still jumping hoops to get a job as a personal trainer, hell, i dont even get call back to volunteer at one of the gyms, i am not special enough, Vancouver is full of great athletes and my resume is not opening doors yet, i broke my right hand and barely missed have it operated on after they broke my hand and re set it twice. I am missing Arrowhead ultra as a result and most likely Badwater ultra since haven't really run enough races to qualify,last year i was MIA in the ultra world because i was climbing instead. I lost my sponsors so climbing is off until further notice and Charlie and I are on a break and not sure when if it will ever resolve. So how am i doing? I am great really. Every time i find myself in a situation that promises to turn into something too stressful, I use a formula to dig my way out of it.
So here is the process
First realize that it could be worse. Long time ago i promise to myself than i could handle anything except something happening to my kids, so instantly no matter what happens i feel grateful that is not that.
Second -I am honest to myself so I avoid the blame game, nothing good comes of that, the why is important only so you can hopefully stop it from happening again, after that throw it away or you will spin your wheels. The world is full of people like Marlon Brando's character Terry Mallow on the movie On the Waterfront screaming "I could have been a contender"
Third-Find the good things that this opportunity is bringing, no matter what it is if there is something hang on for dear life. If there is nothing then go to step four.
Fourth- Make something amazing out of what ever challenge you overcame, don't let it be in vain, things don't happen for a reason is up to you to give them meaning. Just imagine the incredible courage that it took for the mother who lost a child to a drunk driver and then created Mothers Against Drunk Drivers.
So for me, Vancouver has proven tought but it has also given so many opportunities for my kids, my youngest son Hans is like a twin with my nephew, they are very busy with sports and it makes me happy to know he is not hanging out at the 7-11.
Karl's grades just exploded, thanks to the accommodations the school is making he is back to where he was before he was diagnosed, all A's and B's, he is feeling so confident that he even choose a University Emily Carr he wants to study Industrial design, you should have seen my sister's Muneca's face when Karl told her, "visual arts?!!"i am still smiling about it, until now everybody has focus on what karl was able to do, not on what he is capable of accomplishing if given the right tools.
So by now you probably forgotten that i cant find a job right? I not only stop the pity party, i also threw a party for the new found opportunities, what ever you feed your brain is what you will get, anger in, stress and depression out, happiness in, laughter love and excitement out, simple.
If you are reading this and thinking of excuses of why you really can't overcome this, whatever it is, a bad job, a bad relationship, go back and try the steps again, if your still can't find it is for one reason and one only. You don't want the change, and its OK, is perfectly fine, is OK as long as you don't drive yourself crazy over this. Own it or it will own you. One of my sister use to drive herself crazy over her weight, she use to call me crying all the time, she cried because she missed her treats, so i reminded her that she was certainly not movie star shape but healthy so it was OK but she cried and cried because she wanted to rock a bikini, then she use to also call me when she had a cookie, i finally couldn't take it anymore, i told her to eat or not eat the cookies i didn't care, to just made up her mind about what was more important to her then to stick to it. At the end she stuck to it until she reached a comfortable weight, not bikini but short dress weight, then made sure to enjoy her cookies responsible, easier to maintain that to loose the weight.
Of course i always get the easy for you to say, and no, is never easy for anybody and since when is it a competition? and what do you get then, yes your life do really suck, you win, now go and live a miserable life guilt free? is in it the whole point to ALWAYS find the way out?
For me life has showed me many opportunities when the skill to quickly survive and excel at a challenge proved a lifesaver, the first time i was rape i was 12, i was left to care for a relative and took advantage of me, and you want to know what it's worse, that relative was blind, so later i had to learn to overcome what blindness signified to me but for my sons i will do anything. So no, is never easy for anybody but I have seen what giving up looks like, i wasn't the only one in my extended family of course and it pains me to see the others who ended up with terrible lives as a result.
So there you go Bill, i hope you are right when you told me that by sharing i will allow other's to find their peace. There is something about keeping secrets that destroys you. For me everything changed when Oprah talked about it on her show, I felt relieved that somebody else had gone through it too, not only did she survived it but thrived, make no mistake, i will never say that it made me who i am, i am who i am inspite of it, this should never happen to a child ever or any human being for that matter.
So how did I overcome this? I kept focusing on things such as sparing my other little cousins of the same fate. It took me an awful long time to find the courage to tell, once I did they couldn't keep my mouth shut.
There seems to be thousands of years between that child and who I am now, that been the lowest point of my life then, recently I felt the same pain only stronger when Karl was diagnosed with Cone Rod Dystrophy and I was waiting on results for my other son Hans to see if the growth on his bone was benign or cancerous, thankfully turned out to be benign, I learned that what ever pain I felt was nothing compared to the one I felt then, so never again will I complain about me, but I wish for my kids a long and uneventful life.
I am ready again, I will be going to the drawing table soon to find something that I CAN do, enough with what I can't, I am sure that if I dream hard enough I will find an amazing adventure waiting to be had.
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Adventuring in times of recession
Unless you are Bill Gates I am sure that you are feeling the belt tightening right now. For me, it had definitely slow down and some of the initial plans have change just because is so hard to find sponsors or to even fund the adventures myself, but when adventure is in your blood, nothing can stop you.
I am still dreaming of adventures, they might not be the ones that i originally planned, some of them are out of my reach, at least for the time been or maybe for ever but adventure still runs in my blood.
So what to do to create adventure? simple, start again. Adventure is doing something that both excites you and scares you. Go for a pr, try a new sport.
I am back training hard, I have postponed climbing because is too expensive but I also want to be ready, so when the time comes to climb again i will be in top shape to pack my bags and head out. To tame the beast i looked hard at things that i could do that would be more approchable, i signed to do Ironman in Texas, My ex husband is there, so I have a place to stay and he can help me with airmiles. I am also looking for races that are close to me, the nice thing about having moved to British Columbia is that there are a lot of races that I haven done here yet.
There are also races that not as popular therefore registration is lower than the usual high profile races. Arrowhead 135 mile race is less than $200 for registration. Yes i have to run with a sled in Minnesota in the middle of Winter but that is just part of the adventure.
As well you can find groups such as the Fat Ass Club that for a small fee will let you participate in races that are fuss free and fun. This type of races are not for beginners, there are no markings or check points just a bunch of people with alike interest. So much like it was at the beginning before ultra races became the thing to do for ambitious runners who needed more after the marathon became accessible to the moms and the Oprah’s of the world.
I am taking advantage of this slow time to work on the things i neglected when i was so busy, like spending more time with family,and i could take family and friends to runs with me once in a while because i wasn't on such a tight training schedule.
Right now is also a great time to take the times to improve on other things, I am working on running faster, something that i been struggling, Having had so many races last year, there was no time to train properly, i basically survived. I am now looking at a fewer races but hoping for a faster time.
Yes, there is a reccession, that however shouldn’t stop you from waking up excited everyday, all i have to do is remember that beginning of my running almost 5 years ago, the car camping, eating jelly beans bought in bulk to save, searching Craig’s list for much needed items that i couldn’t afford new. I was fortunate to have experience some amazing races and climbs using nothing but the best but at the end all I want is to be out there.
Is amazing how little it takes when you make up your mind, for halloween my sister Muneca, her friend Leticia and i run a 6 mile race on a costume and it was a blast! yes I love ultras but is all about the excitement of running no matter what the distance. To save money some races are also offering the option to charge a smaller fee if you don’t require a t shirt, I think more races should offer that, we paid half of what we usually do.
I am back training as hard i as did last year preparing for a world record. Is all about giving your best and knowing it. Things are not going to change, I always expected to go back to my normal life once I found I had run out of options, I would have just admit to myself that it had been one helluva ride and move on, no chance of that, this is who i am, curious by nature.
Adventure is out there still, good times makes us lazy, just watch a kid and everything and everyday is an adventure.
I have a couple of 50K's coming up, the first next Sunday in North Vancouver's Lynn Valley Park, Fat Ass Club is putting it on so is no frills for sure just trails and a bunch of people that have something in common, love to run.
I sometimes wonder why some people are born with the incredible desire to make everyday count while others don't think is worth their effort. I hear very often elaborate excuses of WHY they can't do it and I meet sadly very few who spend time thinking on the HOW to do it. It all comes down to one thing, things are very though right now for everybody and the ones out there working hard on doing it are the ones that want it the most, as for me, all i remind myself is that i dont have to do it, but that i want to do it, so is ok if i call it training even if is to just run 50k on a race that is not a race really but an organized run, after all isn't that what real adventure is, the act of doing something that a few dare to do.
So what if your next race is only the local 5K? try to go for a pr or maybe help train somebody,I cant tell you that i enjoyed watching my sister crossed the finish line more than i did qualifying for Boston, she has been in a lot pain from her condition so it was such a rush seeing her knowing how painful is for her to run. I am thankful for that, last year, I couldn't have taken the time to encourage her to do it. Just remember to go hard with what you got.
I am still dreaming of adventures, they might not be the ones that i originally planned, some of them are out of my reach, at least for the time been or maybe for ever but adventure still runs in my blood.
So what to do to create adventure? simple, start again. Adventure is doing something that both excites you and scares you. Go for a pr, try a new sport.
I am back training hard, I have postponed climbing because is too expensive but I also want to be ready, so when the time comes to climb again i will be in top shape to pack my bags and head out. To tame the beast i looked hard at things that i could do that would be more approchable, i signed to do Ironman in Texas, My ex husband is there, so I have a place to stay and he can help me with airmiles. I am also looking for races that are close to me, the nice thing about having moved to British Columbia is that there are a lot of races that I haven done here yet.
There are also races that not as popular therefore registration is lower than the usual high profile races. Arrowhead 135 mile race is less than $200 for registration. Yes i have to run with a sled in Minnesota in the middle of Winter but that is just part of the adventure.
As well you can find groups such as the Fat Ass Club that for a small fee will let you participate in races that are fuss free and fun. This type of races are not for beginners, there are no markings or check points just a bunch of people with alike interest. So much like it was at the beginning before ultra races became the thing to do for ambitious runners who needed more after the marathon became accessible to the moms and the Oprah’s of the world.
I am taking advantage of this slow time to work on the things i neglected when i was so busy, like spending more time with family,and i could take family and friends to runs with me once in a while because i wasn't on such a tight training schedule.
Right now is also a great time to take the times to improve on other things, I am working on running faster, something that i been struggling, Having had so many races last year, there was no time to train properly, i basically survived. I am now looking at a fewer races but hoping for a faster time.
Yes, there is a reccession, that however shouldn’t stop you from waking up excited everyday, all i have to do is remember that beginning of my running almost 5 years ago, the car camping, eating jelly beans bought in bulk to save, searching Craig’s list for much needed items that i couldn’t afford new. I was fortunate to have experience some amazing races and climbs using nothing but the best but at the end all I want is to be out there.
Is amazing how little it takes when you make up your mind, for halloween my sister Muneca, her friend Leticia and i run a 6 mile race on a costume and it was a blast! yes I love ultras but is all about the excitement of running no matter what the distance. To save money some races are also offering the option to charge a smaller fee if you don’t require a t shirt, I think more races should offer that, we paid half of what we usually do.
I am back training as hard i as did last year preparing for a world record. Is all about giving your best and knowing it. Things are not going to change, I always expected to go back to my normal life once I found I had run out of options, I would have just admit to myself that it had been one helluva ride and move on, no chance of that, this is who i am, curious by nature.
Adventure is out there still, good times makes us lazy, just watch a kid and everything and everyday is an adventure.
I have a couple of 50K's coming up, the first next Sunday in North Vancouver's Lynn Valley Park, Fat Ass Club is putting it on so is no frills for sure just trails and a bunch of people that have something in common, love to run.
I sometimes wonder why some people are born with the incredible desire to make everyday count while others don't think is worth their effort. I hear very often elaborate excuses of WHY they can't do it and I meet sadly very few who spend time thinking on the HOW to do it. It all comes down to one thing, things are very though right now for everybody and the ones out there working hard on doing it are the ones that want it the most, as for me, all i remind myself is that i dont have to do it, but that i want to do it, so is ok if i call it training even if is to just run 50k on a race that is not a race really but an organized run, after all isn't that what real adventure is, the act of doing something that a few dare to do.
So what if your next race is only the local 5K? try to go for a pr or maybe help train somebody,I cant tell you that i enjoyed watching my sister crossed the finish line more than i did qualifying for Boston, she has been in a lot pain from her condition so it was such a rush seeing her knowing how painful is for her to run. I am thankful for that, last year, I couldn't have taken the time to encourage her to do it. Just remember to go hard with what you got.
Adventure is not outside man, it is within. George Eliot.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Race schedule
I am working on my new race schedule. I am still working on hopefully go to Mt. Aconcagua Argentina in Feb, also on the agenda is Ironman Woodlands, TX in May and Ultraman Penticton in Aug. I will also register for Badwater, cross my fingers and hope i get accepted next summer. So if everything goes well this is what it looks like
Aconcagua- Climb- Feb
Ironman- Triathlon- May
Badwater- Ultra- July
Ultraman- Triathlon- Aug
I am also looking for smaller races close by but it will be more to keep me busy, Thankfully things are back to normal. Karl is doing better at school, they are doing everything they can to make sure he has a fair chance at school. He is till has not friends, i don't like that, kids at school all they see is what he is able to do, not what he is capable of. I was going to train him to do a race with me to show his classmates that Karl is capable of so much but i decided to let him be, he is happy, he doesn't feel the need to prove anything and i have a huge respect on that.
things are working fantastic in Vancouver,it rains but is really beautiful and my sister Muneca and i play a good tag team with the kids.
The next few months will be busy but i love it, is all about the things and people i love.
It always seems impossible until its done.
Nelson Mandela
Aconcagua- Climb- Feb
Ironman- Triathlon- May
Badwater- Ultra- July
Ultraman- Triathlon- Aug
I am also looking for smaller races close by but it will be more to keep me busy, Thankfully things are back to normal. Karl is doing better at school, they are doing everything they can to make sure he has a fair chance at school. He is till has not friends, i don't like that, kids at school all they see is what he is able to do, not what he is capable of. I was going to train him to do a race with me to show his classmates that Karl is capable of so much but i decided to let him be, he is happy, he doesn't feel the need to prove anything and i have a huge respect on that.
things are working fantastic in Vancouver,it rains but is really beautiful and my sister Muneca and i play a good tag team with the kids.
The next few months will be busy but i love it, is all about the things and people i love.
It always seems impossible until its done.
Nelson Mandela
Friday, October 8, 2010
The Perfect Storm
There are moments in life when words seem to fill the space that surrounds you. I am on my way back from what it probably was one of the most difficult weeks. Charlie was found guilty and i am shattered. While words fill the space in between my mind and my body none can come close to describing my feelings. I can’t begin to explain, but one question keeps coming up, how can it be? How can you begin to understand that one act of courage like running the sahara can prompt somebody to launch an investigation on how can somebody afford to take time off for such venture? How can somebody persist for 500 hrs until they can find something that can explain the reason behind somebody wanting to push themselves to the edge of where not many dare to venture that is something that some people find incredibly puzzling and the only explanation to them is that there must be something terribly wrong.
The only thing that keeps me moving is the desire to put this all behind us. While the details can be confusing one thing is always consistent, Charlie is a good man, flawed yes, and aren’t we all who desire more from life?, but decent, he is an incredible human being. Charlie trusted somebody and that turned out to be a terrible mistake, nobody is sadder than him that this is causing pain to everybody close to him, i am sad on the idea that trust can be a dangerous thing, i love Charlie’s ability to trust over and over again no matter what, that is the sign of true courage.
So here I am on my way home to my kids trying to piece this incredible love i feel into what it is sure to be an amazing mosaic of feelings and memories. I am so grateful for so many things in moments like this, for the love and admiration i feel for my boyfriend, for Charlie’s kids who seem to give us the strength and dignity we need right now, for friends and family who are ready to step forward and remind everybody about all the things that Charlie has done to better the life of others, and for the roads that that i will turn while i seek to find the strength i need to find peace. After sentencing Charlie and i have bowed to run at the same time each day,so we can feel together even if we are apart, after the love for our kids and each other we both share a passion for running. That started to give me hope, that no matter what, somethings cant be taken as long as you stay true to yourself. There is only one thing that i regret in life at this point is that i didn’t meet Charlie sooner.
Are we going to be OK? you betcha, Charlie and I are the kind of people that look ahead, the only time we look back is at memories that make us smile, even in the hardest moment, when anxiety was to much waiting for the verdict, i told Charlie that this was a lot like the movie The Jerk, Charlie been investigated when an article was published about his run, Steve Martin’s character in the movie is attacked by a sniper when his name is published in the phone book and he becomes “somebody” the pressure and sadness got the best of me yesterday and couldn’t stop crying, Charlie did his best Steve Martin impersonation and told me” he hates cans!” we couldn’t stop laughing after that, i loved that he was so worry about me, not himself. After all like someone said, “Nobody promise that it was going to be easy, just that it was going to be worth it.” and it is.Is just one more mountain that we must summit together, that's all.
The only thing that keeps me moving is the desire to put this all behind us. While the details can be confusing one thing is always consistent, Charlie is a good man, flawed yes, and aren’t we all who desire more from life?, but decent, he is an incredible human being. Charlie trusted somebody and that turned out to be a terrible mistake, nobody is sadder than him that this is causing pain to everybody close to him, i am sad on the idea that trust can be a dangerous thing, i love Charlie’s ability to trust over and over again no matter what, that is the sign of true courage.
So here I am on my way home to my kids trying to piece this incredible love i feel into what it is sure to be an amazing mosaic of feelings and memories. I am so grateful for so many things in moments like this, for the love and admiration i feel for my boyfriend, for Charlie’s kids who seem to give us the strength and dignity we need right now, for friends and family who are ready to step forward and remind everybody about all the things that Charlie has done to better the life of others, and for the roads that that i will turn while i seek to find the strength i need to find peace. After sentencing Charlie and i have bowed to run at the same time each day,so we can feel together even if we are apart, after the love for our kids and each other we both share a passion for running. That started to give me hope, that no matter what, somethings cant be taken as long as you stay true to yourself. There is only one thing that i regret in life at this point is that i didn’t meet Charlie sooner.
Are we going to be OK? you betcha, Charlie and I are the kind of people that look ahead, the only time we look back is at memories that make us smile, even in the hardest moment, when anxiety was to much waiting for the verdict, i told Charlie that this was a lot like the movie The Jerk, Charlie been investigated when an article was published about his run, Steve Martin’s character in the movie is attacked by a sniper when his name is published in the phone book and he becomes “somebody” the pressure and sadness got the best of me yesterday and couldn’t stop crying, Charlie did his best Steve Martin impersonation and told me” he hates cans!” we couldn’t stop laughing after that, i loved that he was so worry about me, not himself. After all like someone said, “Nobody promise that it was going to be easy, just that it was going to be worth it.” and it is.Is just one more mountain that we must summit together, that's all.
Monday, September 6, 2010
The end is often the beginning
“What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.”T. S. Eliot
I am in Vancouver now, it seems like a long time ago when I was still what it used to be my home. It was a bit weird to try and fit a lifetime on a 8"x16" storage space, trying to decide on what to keep and what to give away. I have never been emotionally attached to material things, but it was hard for me to walk away from the sentimental value of the objects that have surrounded me for the last 12 years.
The last few months have been incredibly busy,I guess you can tell that my move to Vancouver was somehow me trying to escape something. My house was not healthy anymore, i had spend so much time and money trying to keep the stability that my kids needed but the cost kept increasing, both emotionally and financially, at the end i just didn't want it anymore.
The first step was a clear one, sell my house, the other steps were not as easy to figure out. Been engaged, moving to North Carolina seem like the obvious choice, but when you have kids, falling in love and getting married are not as easy as the first time around. The last months have been a maze of suggestions and decisions to be accounted for, legally is one thing, but doing the right thing is an other. I love Charlie with all my heart but at the end doing things right by my kids is what made me happier, I do want things for myself, but i also know that is only a few more years that my kids need then the rest of my life belongs to me. Fortunately, Charlie agreed with me, reluctantly, but agreed to let me move to Vancouver closer to my sister.
Things aren't exactly easy for Charlie right now, and not been there at this moment makes me feel selfish. The last few months have been of deep soul searching and i longed to go back to the core of my being, the one thing that made wake up every morning and try my hardest was the desire for my kids to a better life. What a lot of people think is why not just go to court and get it? but at what price? to me the best way to give my kids a better life is to teach them to find it, to want it, and that is to lead by example.
You cant make people want things, but if you live your life the fullest you might inspire them to do the right thing. Since i decided to just go hard with what i do best and that is to live my life the best way i know, honest and openly.
I am a lot happier, I am gone back to dreaming again on the things that give me joy, once again I dream of climbing the highest peak, I feel alive and focus. That's how I know when I am on the right path, things where chaotic around me, nobody really seemed sure of my decision yet, at night when things quiet down, I once never doubted, I stood firm yet I had no desire to explained more than it was necessary.
I moved to Vancouver so I can get back to the things that require my full attention. I need to get back to work, soon, but I also have to make sure that my kids are not spending too much time alone at an age where is critical that I am involved, I am also experiencing some challenges with both of my kids, one is loosing focus and wanted to quit swimming, while what type of sport is not exactly important to me, teaching Hans the valuable lesson of following through is a lesson i want him to master. All the talent in the world would be wasted if you don't have the discipline and the desire to work hard.
Karl on the other hand quit exercising because it became to hard for him, the last few years i did what any other single parent will do, i spent countless of hours working at something that was putting food on the table, while my kids were home alone,even long after the paycheque stop coming I kept thinking that it was right around the corner, I just needed to work a bit harder.
so while i am stopping my adventures as a possible source of income, i am now pursuing them just as hard as a passion. It's been a crazy ride and one that i will continue to do as an amateur.
So my decision to move came after analyzing all the obstacles and coming with the best possible solution. My sister lives here so supervising kids will be easier if I have family close, also when I go back to working, having somebody hand me a homecooked meal once in a while will mean everything.
As for my kids, the best way for me to motivate both of them is to join them, I am going to be taking swimming with the intention of doing an Ultraman that way I am less inclined to let Hans convince me to not go to training if I need to get to the pool as well. I am also planning on doing a big biking quest with Karl, just the two of us, so I can have an excuse to be his training partner and he would not feel weird. Most of his peers are either way to advance for him at sports and he will never be invited or not interested in sports so he gets invited to do activities that encourage a sedentary lifestyle, so if i can get to a level where he can join friends he will be invited again.
The next few years will be crazy and difficult but I feel that I am nearing the finish line, you know, by now your lungs burn, your legs hurt and all you want is to quit. But this it the exact moment where been focus is most important. I believe that if i work hard, i will set my kids on a path that will take them to the life they were born to be.
I used to think that that was not possible anymore, just because I was single and struggling finacially now I realized that is not true, is passion, hardwork and unconditional love that will give them the tools they need to succeed in life. And by success I only mean happiness.
As for me, I do believe that if I stay true and do things for the right reason the universe will take care of me too.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)