Is so hard to write right now, I am for the first time having a hard time explaining my feelings. Extraordinary Moms aired today. There are so many thoughts racing on my head. I never anticipated that we were going to be showcased with the likes of Christina Amanpour, Hilary Clinton and Rossy O'Donnell, been associated to Oprah Winfrey is enough to want to pinch yourself, been attached to all the amazing women featured it made me feel like "Why me?"
I have always know that there is no such a thing as an act without consequences,sooner or later you will have to face them. I try to live my life the way i believe is right for me, i refuse to believe that there is not going to be a cure for my son Karl, i need that if i am to kiss my son every day, to me doing what i do is no different than any mother would do for their child.
What Extraordinary Moms did and allow me to reach wider audience to hopefully inspire more people to dream harder and work together to find a cure. To convince more people of what i have already known, nothing is impossible.
One incredibly surprise was to learn that when the news arrived to my hometown, it was received with ecstasy and they want me to come to Sinaloa to speak to local schools, it seems that somebody from the Governor's office read my comments about me wanting to inspire kids to stay in school, to not choose a life of crime, when i heard that it was probably the most emotional moment for me, this is incredible in many levels, to be able to save even one child of a terrible fate will mean that my life is that more meaningful, after all, i was one of those kids, i am forever grateful for the insight of knowing that shortcuts eventually end in tragedy, that though hard work and the stubbornness to not quit it was were i would find a way out poverty.
The negative side of such exposure thankfully was small, and it came on the form of having to listen the advise of well intended people who thought that i should somehow turn this into a cash cow, it was very frustrating, I know that we all need money and if i could find money without compromising what i am about it would mean that i would better focus on my cause, finding a cure and helping others live the life they were mean to live. I believe that as long as i work hard on those things everything will be OK. I would love nothing more that to have my house paid off, but if i put that on top of my list unfortunately that means that finding a cure would be second or even third because with making money comes pleasing your boss. That is the reason why i try to fund my own expeditions as much as i can. Is frustrating for a lot of people close to me to know that I am choosing this, that if I wanted i could make my life easier but that would mean choosing different paths.
I am aware of the consequences and how it affects everybody, it is hard, the plan is to continue working hard to raise awareness and funds for worthy causes and when is not possible to fund my own expeditions work hard to be better at the sport I am choosing a level that i am recognized for my athletic abilities to attract sponsors that way, this is extremely hard given my physical limitations that i cant change such as age and ability and also given that i still have my kids full time and they always come first but i am sure going to work hard to try to accomplish that.
Sacrifices mean that until i find a flexible well paid job, i take whatever i can get to supplement my income, and sometimes that might even mean cleaning homes, i have never felt that i am above anything but it was hard to go back and start form the bottom after reaching management level, i particularly remember bringing my youngest son Hans to one of the homes because he was sick and didn't go to school, it turned out the house was one of his classmates, a girl in his class, i could see he was embarrassed, he sat in the front porch and i gently teased him that if i found a note that read " I love Hans" tucked in her room i was sure to let him know, that made him smile but I am also aware that I am also teaching him something positive, he will forever respect anybody no matter what their status is.
My own embarrassment lasted even less, what ever felt the first day i cleaned a strangers home is nothing compare to the pain i feel when i hear my son ask me what's for dinner while he is looking at the plate, mash potatoes, perogies, pasta, ravioli they all look the same mass to his eyes.Or when he asks me which bottle among all the ones on the bathroom is the hand soap because unknowingly i kept buying different brands of soap depending on what was on sale. That stabs me in the heart deeply, the pain sharpest i have ever felt in my life. I am thankful for been able to experience it fully, for the sharp awareness, that is what fuels the desire to wake up every day with a purpose beyond wanting a better car or neighborhood.
So is maddening when somebody suggests that if i work on polishing my speech i could even have a career as a public speaker, this is about my son about dedicating my life to making his and anybody else like him that is vulnerable a better world, if i improve naturally in the process i am ok, but i refuse to stand in front of the mirror to practice, i want my heart to always speak first. One even suggested that Karl might be getting a big big to have his mother advocating for him, imagine that person facing Dick Hoyt and telling him that his son Rick might be getting a bit to big to be carried around on a stroller, there is no more powerful bond than a parent-child bond and no matter how old my kids are I will always be their mother.
So i don't expect the road to get any easier, I am here for my kids, make no mistake, when the last article is shelved i will still be waking up early to make sure that i am doing everything i can for them. That's OK with me, i cant imagine a better life than the one I already have.
Español
Es tan difícil de escribir ahora mismo, estoy por primera vez, tengo dificultad para explicar mis sentimientos.Hoy salió al aire el documental Madres Extraordinarias. Hay tantos pensamientos de que me pasan por la cabeza. Yo nunca hubieran imaginado que ibamos a formar parte de de ese grupo que incluia celebridades con la talla de Christina Amanpour, Hilary Clinton y O'Donnell Rossy, con el solo echo de ser asociado con Oprah Winfrey es suficiente como para querer pellizcarse, pero que nos hayan incluido en ese grupo de todas esas mujeres increíbles me hizo sentir como "¿Por qué yo?"
Siempre he sabido que no hay tal cosa como un acto sin consecuencias, tarde o temprano tendrás que enfrentarte a ellos. Trato de vivir mi vida como creo que es correcto para mí, me niego a creer que no vallan a encontrar una cura para mi hijo Carlos, necesito pensar asi para poder besar a mi hijo todos los días y no llorar de dolor, para mí hacer lo que que hago no es diferente que cualquier madre haría por su hijo.
Lo que el documental hizo fue permitirme llegar a un público más amplio para inspirar esperanza a más gente a soñar más y trabajar juntos para encontrar una cura. Para convencer a más gente de lo que tengo yo ya se, que nada es imposible.
Una increíble sorpresa fue aprender que cuando las noticias llego a mi ciudad natal, fue recibida con con fervor y quieren que yo vaya a Sinaloa para hablar con las escuelas locales, parece que alguien de la oficina del gobernador ha leido mis comentarios acerca de mi deseo de inspirar a a los niños a permanecer en la escuela, para no elijan una vida de delincuencia, cuando me enteré de eso, ese fue probablemente el momento más emotivo para mí, esto es increíble en muchos niveles, el poder salvar a un niño de ese terrible destino significa que mi vida es más sentido, después de todo, yo no fui mu diferente a ellos, estoy eternamente agradecido por haber tenido la sabiduria de que tomar los caminos faciles no llevan al bien, que es con el trabajo duro y el no darse a rendir al final es lo que tra mas satisfaccion.
El lado negativo de dicha exposición por suerte era menor, y llegó en la forma de tener que escuchar los consejos de personas bien intencionadas que pensaban que yo de alguna manera debe convertir esto en una mina de oro, fue muy frustrante, ya sé que todos necesitamos dinero y si pudiera encontrar el dinero sin poner en lo que estoy en ello significaría que mejor se centraría en mi causa, la búsqueda de una cura y ayudar a otros a vivir la vida que se significa vivir. Yo creo que mientras yo trabajo duro en las cosas todo va a estar bien. Me gustaría nada más que para tener mi casa, dio sus frutos, pero si pongo que en la parte superior de mi lista por desgracia eso significa que la búsqueda de una cura sería el segundo o tercer incluso porque con lo que el dinero viene complacer a su jefe. Esa es la razón por la cual trato de fondo de mis propias expediciones tanto como puedo.
Soy consciente de las consecuencias y cómo afecta a todo el mundo, es difícil, el plan es seguir trabajando duro para crear conciencia y recaudar fondos para causas nobles y cuando no es posible financiar mis propias expediciones trabajar duro para criar a un nivel que estoy reconocido por mi capacidad atlética para atraer a patrocinadores de esa manera, esto es extremadamente difícil dadas mis limitaciones físicas que yo no puedo cambiar, como la edad y capacidad, y también teniendo en cuenta que todavía tengo a mis hijos a tiempo completo y siempre son lo primero, pero estoy seguro va a trabajar duro para tratar de lograr eso. Claro que lo mas frustante para cierta gente es verme batallar sabiendo que si dejo todo esto atraz puedo conceguir mas dinero. Pero yo se que en mi corazon no podria ser feliz asi nunca mas.
Sacrificios significa que hasta que encuentre un trabajo flexible que page bien, tomo todo lo que me ayude a pagar mis gastos, ya veces incluso he limpiado casa ajenas, yo no me siento que estoy por encima de ese tipo de trabajo, pero es dificil haceo despues de haber llegado a un puesto de gerencia, me acuerdo especialmente de un dia que me toco llevar a mi hijo más pequeño Hans a una de las casas porque estaba enfermo y porque no fue a la escuela, resultó que la casa era uno de sus compañeritas de clase, yo podría ver que él estaba avergonzado, pero también soy consciente de que cambia para siempre de una manera positiva, que siempre respetará a todos de ahora en adelante, no importa cuál sera su situación economica.
Mi vergüenza propia no es nada en comparación con el dolor que siento cuando escucho a mi hijo preguntarme qué hay le estoy dando de cenar cuando le ofresco su plato , puré de papas, pastas, todo eso es la misma masa ante sus ojos. Eso me clava en el corazón profundo dolor, el más agudo que he sentido en mi vida. Estoy agradecida por poderlo sentir en carne propia, eso me ayuda a despertar cada día con un propósito mas produndo que el de querer un mejor auto o en mejor vecindario.
Así que es desesperante cuando alguien sugiere que si yo trabajo en pulir mi imagen talvez hasta podría incluso tener una carrera como figura publica, se trata de mi hijo acerca de dedicar mi vida que él y todos más como él, que estan vulnerables, tengan un mundo mejor, si yo mejoro de forma natural en el proceso eso esta bien, pero me niego a estar delante del espejo para practicando como actriz de televison, yo quiero que mi palabras salgan de mi corazón siempre.
Así que no espero que el camino va a ser más fácil, estoy aquí por mis hijos, no se equivoquen,aun cuando el último artículo se haya publicado hacerca de mi, yo todavia me despiertare temprano asegurarandome de que estoy haciendo todo lo posible para ellos. Pero yo no puedo imaginar una vida mejor que la que ya tengo.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Seize every opportunity along the way, for how sad it would be if the road you chose became the road not taken. ~Robert Braul
Got an email from the race organizers welcoming me to TransAlsp, it was a great morning waking up to that news. The story of how i got invited is interesting, Bernd Meyer whom I never met has been asking me to be his partner at the race, I declined but he kept emailing me with reasons why i should consider his offer. Better judgment told me not to go, I am not the best at teams, specially the ones required to stay close through the course, mountaineering is different because you are usually walking roped together, behind each other, so even though i am surrounded by people, it still gives me some space. But races like TransRockies and TransAlps, you run together all the way, my problem? there is not escape. i love the solitude of climbing and running long distance,I enjoy going for a run with my best friend Nadia talking and laughing once in a while but is a completely different matter to be out a race for 3 to 5 hrs a day, a week at a time talking. I know where to push her buttons so after a few hours together, i told her something that i knew would get her upset and then she speed off only to wait for me at the checkpoint to cross it together, she never knew why i did it. I cancel on Bernd several times, he likes to talk too so i was very hesitant about it, but something kept telling me that i should consider going, here is an opportunity of a lifetime and i should be taking advantage of it, his sponsors are paying, second, i get more fan mail from Germany that any where else, actually, i only get request for sign pictures from Germany, the first time i showed my sister Muneca the email, I was asking her if she saw a sign of this been a joke, why will anybody want a sign picture of me? Muneca looked at it and said that it looked legit so i send the picture away, then other requests started to arrived. Then i got word that i had made the cover of Trail Magazing that was all i needed to decide that I should go to TransAlps,so i started focusing on running again i am also working hard at been more of a team player.
I am well aware of my short comings, just as i am well aware of the consequences. Every act has a consequence, your life is a direct reflection of your priorities. I strongly believe in taking full ownership of my life, it strengthens the commitment to the choices i have made and it helps me decide, some choices are hard to make, we all have choices, when we struggle is when we are making the ones we are forced to make, they are not the ones we want to make.
They are some people that know me well and can tell you that i might be the most unsympathetic person in the world, Nadia gave me for my birthday a "whining" sand clock, not for me but for her, it saved our relationship, she got one minute of release and for me a time when i could just say, OK, time is up. I work harder on two things, either changing the situation or accepting it, there is no middle ground, the word has never made any progress but just having countless of hours of just talking about a problem, now you know why politics is difficult, you have a lot of smart people terrific at identifying a problem but not great at action.
The problem is not the wasted time, the problem I see if the choices you make while you feel you have no choice. "I might as well just give up and eat myself to death, I am never going to loose weight"
Sometimes acceptance is just patience, contrary to what some people believe, i don't enjoy been single, i dislike the choices i have to make in order for me to be in a relationship, it took me a while to figure out that, yes it was me, it was not until i met Charlie that i realized that. Somebody that believed was right for me didn't workout at all, after we broke up i did almost what an alcoholic does and made amends, contacted some of my past relationships to apologized," sorry remember when I told you that it was really you? sorry, i guess it turned out, it was really me."
I am well aware that as long as i am committed to the choices that i make, the amount of time i spend training, raising my kids alone, and the involvement with my charities, i have to suck it up and not complain if i spend Saturday nights folding laundry while my kids are out with friends.
Of course this is not an easy thing to do, with every choice there is consequence, i disliked making the call to the charities telling them that i was aborting all future climbs because my fiance needed me and and spending the money in helping him instead, as much as i disliked calling Charlie and telling him that i couldn't do it anymore, they where both equally devastating and it brought criticisms no matter what direction I took, so as usual i had to relay on my judgment to make the decision and made myself ready to face the consequence. Sometimes the choice is made for me, like my involvement with the charities, i get cc'd on every conversation Karl school aid with the visual aids specialist for the school district, like the one below.
"
After that email i knew i needed to call Charlie. But i take full ownership of it, i stand by the outcome fully understanding that while, i don't have to be involved on the charities, after all who is going to say is my fault if Karl goes blind but i will have to face it everyday asking myself, did I do everything I could?.
I am working on several things that might bring the quest back, I needed to go back to working so it's taking a bit longer than I would like to but this opens many opportunities to maybe do more and better I hope. So everyday I am still living my life with purpose, when the time comes I want to be ready.
Seize every opportunity along the way, for how sad it would be if the road you chose became the road not taken. ~Robert Braul
I am well aware of my short comings, just as i am well aware of the consequences. Every act has a consequence, your life is a direct reflection of your priorities. I strongly believe in taking full ownership of my life, it strengthens the commitment to the choices i have made and it helps me decide, some choices are hard to make, we all have choices, when we struggle is when we are making the ones we are forced to make, they are not the ones we want to make.
They are some people that know me well and can tell you that i might be the most unsympathetic person in the world, Nadia gave me for my birthday a "whining" sand clock, not for me but for her, it saved our relationship, she got one minute of release and for me a time when i could just say, OK, time is up. I work harder on two things, either changing the situation or accepting it, there is no middle ground, the word has never made any progress but just having countless of hours of just talking about a problem, now you know why politics is difficult, you have a lot of smart people terrific at identifying a problem but not great at action.
The problem is not the wasted time, the problem I see if the choices you make while you feel you have no choice. "I might as well just give up and eat myself to death, I am never going to loose weight"
Sometimes acceptance is just patience, contrary to what some people believe, i don't enjoy been single, i dislike the choices i have to make in order for me to be in a relationship, it took me a while to figure out that, yes it was me, it was not until i met Charlie that i realized that. Somebody that believed was right for me didn't workout at all, after we broke up i did almost what an alcoholic does and made amends, contacted some of my past relationships to apologized," sorry remember when I told you that it was really you? sorry, i guess it turned out, it was really me."
I am well aware that as long as i am committed to the choices that i make, the amount of time i spend training, raising my kids alone, and the involvement with my charities, i have to suck it up and not complain if i spend Saturday nights folding laundry while my kids are out with friends.
Of course this is not an easy thing to do, with every choice there is consequence, i disliked making the call to the charities telling them that i was aborting all future climbs because my fiance needed me and and spending the money in helping him instead, as much as i disliked calling Charlie and telling him that i couldn't do it anymore, they where both equally devastating and it brought criticisms no matter what direction I took, so as usual i had to relay on my judgment to make the decision and made myself ready to face the consequence. Sometimes the choice is made for me, like my involvement with the charities, i get cc'd on every conversation Karl school aid with the visual aids specialist for the school district, like the one below.
"
Can you get speech to text software for Karl's computer? His typing skills are very poor and we believe his eyesight may have deteriorated since school started- he couldn't use it at school so much but he would be able to use it at home for essay writing. It is necessary to 'train' the software to your own voice so he should have some help getting this accomplished?"
After that email i knew i needed to call Charlie. But i take full ownership of it, i stand by the outcome fully understanding that while, i don't have to be involved on the charities, after all who is going to say is my fault if Karl goes blind but i will have to face it everyday asking myself, did I do everything I could?.
I am working on several things that might bring the quest back, I needed to go back to working so it's taking a bit longer than I would like to but this opens many opportunities to maybe do more and better I hope. So everyday I am still living my life with purpose, when the time comes I want to be ready.
Seize every opportunity along the way, for how sad it would be if the road you chose became the road not taken. ~Robert Braul
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. ~Mark Twain
I been thinking lots about why i persue time consuming and diffuclt paths since really nobody is watching all the time, why not just skip a work out or eat poorly? we have the life that we deserve, happines and kindness attracts that, more happiness and kindness.
I am working on the most difficult job because it has a very superficial angle, yet i work with people sometimes 20 years my senior and i feel right at home, i am very comfortable with who i am.
There are a few reasons of why living a healthy life is worth it.
From age 25 to age 30 i wore glasses full time, with time as i took better care of myself, it progressed to only for reading or driving until i stop wearing them al together, in my last eye exam a month ago i was told my vision is 20/20
I am 43 and turning 44 this year, my skin is healthy and hardly feel the need to wear make up
, not Halle Berry but so much better than famous party girl Lindsey Lohan's skin)
I was dignossed with depressions in my teens and early twenties and had lots of health problems that couldn't be diagnosed, most doctors attibuted it to genetics ( daugter of an alcoholic and raised in poverty), finally one smart Doctor told me that it was my lifestyle that unless i changed it was only getting worse. It has been 20 years since the last time i had to say in bed because of stress or depression, or had to self medicate with alcohol or cigarets, and except for my Mexican temper that shows up once in a while( i am soo not a pushover) i am very happy, genuinely, deep in my core happy.
I have deep and meaninful relationships with people close to me, my kids, family and friends. Kindness brings internal and external peace while i adore to participate in events that are full of drama or exciting i crave order and peace in my personal relationships, things get chaotic from time to time and they are dealt with when they raised but there is no need to bring anymore chaos into my personal life.
Is not necessary to make big changes right away, for me it has been a long road to find mysellf here, it started with minor changes then major ones like quitting smoking at age 24 and then drinking. I never did it for health or vanity, it was simply because i was tired of treating myself badly, is in funny we are great at nurturing others but terrible at nurturing ourselves? self compassion is a very difficult thing but is the best gift you can give yourself and to the ones close to you.
So what is it?
With me started with one word " enough" as in I am enough and i had enough, i am very glad i been journaling since the age of 12 is great to see the progression and also when i was ready i was able to see that sometimes i wasn't kind to myself, maybe i believed that i deserved it but it took one brave day to say enough, of course it was just the beginning, i took many steps back but just as many forward and that is what i needed, to just take the first step to accepting who i was.
So kindness start with you, you can't give what you don't have.
here is the actual entry of in my journal July 19, 2002 ( coincidentally is the year of my divorce)
"it's almost midnight, the clock is turning to the 19th day and today is the start, the beginning and it all start with a single word, enough.
I had enough of living my life complaining for what i don't have or what it should have been.
I's enough of me waiting for the perfect man, job, or my kids been at a right age to be fully happy and fulfilled.
It's enough with just what the universe has granted me
I am enough.
from this moment i promise to never compromise my life anymore.
I will respect me
I will believe in me
I will not compromise anymore
I will work had to accomplish the things i believe i can
I will not seek an easy way out
I will honor my believes
I will do what i takes.
Because I am worthy of a great life and all i need is he courage to take control of my life again".
Of course there were days that i cried after that entry but i went back over and over to it and i still do when i find myself at cross roads i go back to remind myself of the things that matter to me and also to avoid making the same mistakes.
Why am i sharing? i know there are some people out there that are having a hard time right now that need a friend, i want to extend my hand and say the same things i told myself almost 10 years ago, you are worth it, just have the courage to make the changes necessary to have the life that is meant for you, kindness starts with you.
I am working on the most difficult job because it has a very superficial angle, yet i work with people sometimes 20 years my senior and i feel right at home, i am very comfortable with who i am.
There are a few reasons of why living a healthy life is worth it.
From age 25 to age 30 i wore glasses full time, with time as i took better care of myself, it progressed to only for reading or driving until i stop wearing them al together, in my last eye exam a month ago i was told my vision is 20/20
I am 43 and turning 44 this year, my skin is healthy and hardly feel the need to wear make up
, not Halle Berry but so much better than famous party girl Lindsey Lohan's skin)
I was dignossed with depressions in my teens and early twenties and had lots of health problems that couldn't be diagnosed, most doctors attibuted it to genetics ( daugter of an alcoholic and raised in poverty), finally one smart Doctor told me that it was my lifestyle that unless i changed it was only getting worse. It has been 20 years since the last time i had to say in bed because of stress or depression, or had to self medicate with alcohol or cigarets, and except for my Mexican temper that shows up once in a while( i am soo not a pushover) i am very happy, genuinely, deep in my core happy.
I have deep and meaninful relationships with people close to me, my kids, family and friends. Kindness brings internal and external peace while i adore to participate in events that are full of drama or exciting i crave order and peace in my personal relationships, things get chaotic from time to time and they are dealt with when they raised but there is no need to bring anymore chaos into my personal life.
Is not necessary to make big changes right away, for me it has been a long road to find mysellf here, it started with minor changes then major ones like quitting smoking at age 24 and then drinking. I never did it for health or vanity, it was simply because i was tired of treating myself badly, is in funny we are great at nurturing others but terrible at nurturing ourselves? self compassion is a very difficult thing but is the best gift you can give yourself and to the ones close to you.
So what is it?
With me started with one word " enough" as in I am enough and i had enough, i am very glad i been journaling since the age of 12 is great to see the progression and also when i was ready i was able to see that sometimes i wasn't kind to myself, maybe i believed that i deserved it but it took one brave day to say enough, of course it was just the beginning, i took many steps back but just as many forward and that is what i needed, to just take the first step to accepting who i was.
So kindness start with you, you can't give what you don't have.
here is the actual entry of in my journal July 19, 2002 ( coincidentally is the year of my divorce)
"it's almost midnight, the clock is turning to the 19th day and today is the start, the beginning and it all start with a single word, enough.
I had enough of living my life complaining for what i don't have or what it should have been.
I's enough of me waiting for the perfect man, job, or my kids been at a right age to be fully happy and fulfilled.
It's enough with just what the universe has granted me
I am enough.
from this moment i promise to never compromise my life anymore.
I will respect me
I will believe in me
I will not compromise anymore
I will work had to accomplish the things i believe i can
I will not seek an easy way out
I will honor my believes
I will do what i takes.
Because I am worthy of a great life and all i need is he courage to take control of my life again".
Of course there were days that i cried after that entry but i went back over and over to it and i still do when i find myself at cross roads i go back to remind myself of the things that matter to me and also to avoid making the same mistakes.
Why am i sharing? i know there are some people out there that are having a hard time right now that need a friend, i want to extend my hand and say the same things i told myself almost 10 years ago, you are worth it, just have the courage to make the changes necessary to have the life that is meant for you, kindness starts with you.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
you know you are at Coyote Two Moon when..
You know you’re at C2M 2011 when:
10. Your fellow runners are adorning propeller hats, butterfly wings and jungle bells.
9. You receive a free dermabrasion treatment on top of the ridge with your paid entry fee. Courtesy of Mother Nature.
8. Your Race Director is wearing a Pig costume.
7. You’re headlamp is doing no good, cause your breathe is so hot in the cold air you can’t see through it.
6. You reach Howard’s Creek “Love Shack” and are offered Peace, Love and Merlot.
5. The “Rockstar” volunteers offer to help you change your clothes, cause your damn fingers won’t work anymore.
4. There’s a rubber snake on top of the ridge in a blizzard. What the…
3. You find yourself running down Cozy Dell in a pair of platform sneakers made of mud, but don’t remember putting them on.
2. Chicken broth seems like the next best thing since sliced bread.
And the number 1 reason you know you’re at C2M 2011 when:
Every runner, crew and volunteer has returned safely off the mountain.
10. Your fellow runners are adorning propeller hats, butterfly wings and jungle bells.
9. You receive a free dermabrasion treatment on top of the ridge with your paid entry fee. Courtesy of Mother Nature.
8. Your Race Director is wearing a Pig costume.
7. You’re headlamp is doing no good, cause your breathe is so hot in the cold air you can’t see through it.
6. You reach Howard’s Creek “Love Shack” and are offered Peace, Love and Merlot.
5. The “Rockstar” volunteers offer to help you change your clothes, cause your damn fingers won’t work anymore.
4. There’s a rubber snake on top of the ridge in a blizzard. What the…
3. You find yourself running down Cozy Dell in a pair of platform sneakers made of mud, but don’t remember putting them on.
2. Chicken broth seems like the next best thing since sliced bread.
And the number 1 reason you know you’re at C2M 2011 when:
Every runner, crew and volunteer has returned safely off the mountain.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Coyote 2 Moon- Corrections
Boy did I get in trouble. I want to clarify somethings about my race report, i hope it didn't come through as a whiner, I just wanted to tell you my experience. Never did I intent to make anybody that organized or volunteered at C2M responsible for what happened. On the contrary, I received plenty of emails from Chris the RD to be prepared for, and I am quoting him, CaCa weather.
There was a couple of things that Chris called me on, and eventually even cost me to be penalized on the final results.
Is not Coyote 2 Moons but Coyote 2 Moon, no s.
Is not a race but and event, although i disagree with that, I am sure if you are in the back you will think of it as an event if you are in the front you will think is a race.
The loot bag was not full of irrelevant paraphernalia, although i am still waiting on his response on the meaning on the stir stick from Best Western, two 2009 agendas and pamphlets such as Elvis Presley's impersonator show in Vegas.
and the most important clarifications was that they were aware of my absence, I think that Chris and everybody involved did an amazing job at getting everybody down from the ridge safely. When i finally was able to find help my main concern was to notify that i was safe, and when I approached a volunteer at an aid station later he told me he had no knowledge that there was any talk of asking about any stranded runner, so there my understanding that they had not realized yet that i was not at any of the 3 operating aid stations on top of the ridge, i was not surprise or anything, given the sudden nature of the weather and the amount of people that needed to be looked after.
I am sure that everybody is wondering how can i even get lost, I made many mistakes and i was aware of the risks, nothing too dangerous, but I have always respect nature, i knew i was safe, I can run for along time so keeping warm was not a problem but is the outdoors after all and i never take it lightly, the best thing is to thing ahead of what the problems might be, in my case, when I worried is when the wind became to strong and i was worried that if it picked me up and send me flying they will not have found my that easy and if i get hurt and became unable to move that could be trouble.
Rule number one, always know when to turn around.
I also shared with Chris that I felt fully responsible, i knew i was ill prepared, i was already struggling at the beginning, some people might think that i had no place there but think that i do, i wanted to be there, i will probably never have a life that is optimum for that kind of adventure, by choice, my lifestyle is 100% based on my priorities, I could do more but that would mean that i spend less time doing the things that my kids need from me, is their time now, not mine, in a few more years they will be gone and then i can pursue my passions fully.
But as hard as it will be i still want to participate such events, I have the feeling that my life will always have these kind of obstacles, I lived for my family, but i much rather be there for them and push through a race or a climb than give up on that kind of lifestyle. I am also aware of my limitations so I am careful about not finding myself in a situation where I have to cut my arm to free myself.
Bottom line, I highly recommend C2M. Coyote 2 Moon is for anybody that is looking for a challenge, elite or not will feel at home.C2M, is a lot of fun but the course is challenging enough for anybody even at the elite level, so don't skip it if you are serious about other well know races like WS.
The volunteers are nicest and most dedicated people I have ever met on an event, I mean, one of them gave me his socks so i could continue, they wanted me to continue as much as I did, they didn't have to care but they did.
I left the original post, everybody experiences things differently,I want you to read both sides of the story, also it reflect the chaos on my brain that usually happen after something like that, and trust me, this is not the last time you will find me in a chaotic state again, Ironman here I come!
There was a couple of things that Chris called me on, and eventually even cost me to be penalized on the final results.
Is not Coyote 2 Moons but Coyote 2 Moon, no s.
Is not a race but and event, although i disagree with that, I am sure if you are in the back you will think of it as an event if you are in the front you will think is a race.
The loot bag was not full of irrelevant paraphernalia, although i am still waiting on his response on the meaning on the stir stick from Best Western, two 2009 agendas and pamphlets such as Elvis Presley's impersonator show in Vegas.
and the most important clarifications was that they were aware of my absence, I think that Chris and everybody involved did an amazing job at getting everybody down from the ridge safely. When i finally was able to find help my main concern was to notify that i was safe, and when I approached a volunteer at an aid station later he told me he had no knowledge that there was any talk of asking about any stranded runner, so there my understanding that they had not realized yet that i was not at any of the 3 operating aid stations on top of the ridge, i was not surprise or anything, given the sudden nature of the weather and the amount of people that needed to be looked after.
I am sure that everybody is wondering how can i even get lost, I made many mistakes and i was aware of the risks, nothing too dangerous, but I have always respect nature, i knew i was safe, I can run for along time so keeping warm was not a problem but is the outdoors after all and i never take it lightly, the best thing is to thing ahead of what the problems might be, in my case, when I worried is when the wind became to strong and i was worried that if it picked me up and send me flying they will not have found my that easy and if i get hurt and became unable to move that could be trouble.
Rule number one, always know when to turn around.
I also shared with Chris that I felt fully responsible, i knew i was ill prepared, i was already struggling at the beginning, some people might think that i had no place there but think that i do, i wanted to be there, i will probably never have a life that is optimum for that kind of adventure, by choice, my lifestyle is 100% based on my priorities, I could do more but that would mean that i spend less time doing the things that my kids need from me, is their time now, not mine, in a few more years they will be gone and then i can pursue my passions fully.
But as hard as it will be i still want to participate such events, I have the feeling that my life will always have these kind of obstacles, I lived for my family, but i much rather be there for them and push through a race or a climb than give up on that kind of lifestyle. I am also aware of my limitations so I am careful about not finding myself in a situation where I have to cut my arm to free myself.
Bottom line, I highly recommend C2M. Coyote 2 Moon is for anybody that is looking for a challenge, elite or not will feel at home.C2M, is a lot of fun but the course is challenging enough for anybody even at the elite level, so don't skip it if you are serious about other well know races like WS.
The volunteers are nicest and most dedicated people I have ever met on an event, I mean, one of them gave me his socks so i could continue, they wanted me to continue as much as I did, they didn't have to care but they did.
I left the original post, everybody experiences things differently,I want you to read both sides of the story, also it reflect the chaos on my brain that usually happen after something like that, and trust me, this is not the last time you will find me in a chaotic state again, Ironman here I come!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Coyote 2 Moons race report
Well, this one is for the books. This year’s C2M race is one to remember for anybody that participated. Sat night at midnight the race director cancel the race due to unsafe conditions when a blizzard and high winds. The RD had the daunting task of getting everybody down the ridge safely. Organizers and volunteers were so busy trying to keep the shivering runners warm scattered in 3 different aid stations that nobody realized I was missing, lost and desperately tying to find shelter.
Pre race activities included an evening of bowling and if you wore the best costume could earn you bonus points, the picnic had us all singing, fail to join in the fun and you earn boner points, it was amazing watching such serous runners like Karl Metltzer so relaxed bowling in a costume just days before that race. Make no mistake; the race is competitive and very challenging. The race package included great quality items such a Patagonia jacket but the majority of the items on the loot bag were useless items such a stir stick from a cheap hotel bar, last year’s calendars, or irrelevant pamphlets from places that aren’t even in the area .
I started on the M3 group; we start from slowest to fastest with the intention that everybody finishes in a 4hr window. My start time was Friday at midnight, two previous groups first as early as 6pm, while Howard drove to the start and tried to nap for a few hours, I ended up trying to relax back at the room watching my favorite novela Eva Luna .Jack and John kept me company pretending to be interested on the story line when they knew and I knew the only reason why they let me changed the channel was that Latin soap actress are easy on the eye.
Finally at 11:30 I decided to go to the start line at Thatcher School field, It had been raining already, I was dreading it for many reasons, I was hugely undertrained and the weather forecast was calling for a storm Sunday morning so while I stood there in the rain with 10 other runners in the rain waiting for our start and I was already questioning my decision. As soon as they waved us good-bye and we set off I could feel my excitement increasing and I started forgetting about the rain. I stayed behind with Mark and Ty who insisted on calling me Ramona, it was hard to see with all the fog but it helped that the road was wide enough to run chorus line like and all three head torches complimented each other. I found the course challenging in the way that is hardly ever flat, either straight up or down, but not very technical, at least not the first 50 miles. It was fun running together and howling at the moon, a C2M tradition I am told. The 10.9 mile trail to Sisar Canyon was almost without incident, 100 yards from the air station a creek had spilled over the road and form a pond right in the middle, I slipped and fell getting wet, when I arrived to the CP yelling “ my bike, where is my bike” they looked at me wondering what I was I saying, “I didn’t realized it was a triathlon, I done the swim part now I need my bike.”
Next was Topa Aid station on mile 17.2, I started falling behind, the chilly night and wet clothes where a horrible combination, again it was a steep climb ,when I arrived I was mildly hypothermic, I was really disappointed that I could potentially drop out so early, thankfully volunteers were kind, they took my clothes and dried them on the bonfire and they sat me on a warm car wrapped in a blanked, in about an hr I was ready to head out again, with drier clothes and volunteer Matt’s socks.
By the time I was on my way to Rose Valley aid station I could see how far behind I had fallen, I was about two hour behind the group I had been running with, the only good thing was that Canadian Jenn Segger who had started at 3am was smoking the course, Jann is all class, i had the pleasure of going for some Mexican dinner with her and Bruce other Canadian and talented runner.
By the time I reach Topa Aid station and 32.4 miles later the very fast 100 runners such as Karl Meltzer had reach Topa for the first time and where already on their way to Rose Valley aid station, I had started 10 hrs earlier and in no time were going to pass me. As they went by I looked disappointed said, “ what? I am not going to win it?” One of them yelled as he was passing by,” Remember to hydrate and you just might!”
Even though it was a bit warmer I was still feeling a bit cold, and by now I had trouble keeping food or drink, out of nowhere the fastest registered female runner who was wearing a hat with a propeller tap me on the shoulder, as it is a C2M tradition, the fastest and slowest runners wear the hat, I had just been passed by the fastest female making me officially the slowest female on the course so I had to wear the hat, great, the only thing worse now I though is that if I got to Ridge Junction Aid station and I found out that my high school reunion was been held there AND my high school crush was still hot and recently single.
By the time I arrived I was shivering again, I sat there wondering if this time I was going to drop out, I sat there watching the 100K runners who had started Sat morning starting to come through. Again the volunteers went out of their way to warm me up and send me on my way, a few quesadillas later I stood there shivering ready to go when Luis Escobar pronounced “ lets make a vapor barrier out of a garbage bag!” so after 40 minutes wearing a garbage bag and the propeller hat I set out again, “living the dream” I thought. The most amazing thing was that not a single one of us thought “ wait a minute, this is a bad idea, maybe she should just go home” The truth is that while I had been previously been embarrassed because I was so slow, after almost dropping I was determined to finish.
It was back to Rose Valley Aid Station, by now it was raining again, I must have been a sight when I started descending to the next aid station, “ I know” I said when they smiled when I came around “ hard to believe I am still single” by the time I left the aid station the weather started turning for the worse, I was nervous, I had lost my map when I fell on the creek so I was now relying on course markings on the course and anybody that had participated on C2M, course markings are very few. As the weather turned and night came the last two runners who were behind me passed me, two elite runners who were tracking for a record finish, as they passed me I told them that I was know for my amazing negative splits so they shouldn’t write me off as competition so easily. As they passed they told me to turn right at the top of the road and turn left at the trail marking. By the time I go to the top of the ridge it was storming and I had trouble raising my head to see where I was going. I was worry since I was going to an area that I had not gone yet and was worry about missing the turn, after an hour I decided to turn back to Ridge Junction Aid station that I was sure it was the exact opposite direction. For 4 hours I struggle with the wind and the cold, by now I was desperate to find shelter, I decided to turn back to lower ground because the wind was picking up and I was worry that it was going to blow me off the mountain, I also started to hallucinate, I am sure because of the lack of sleep and dehydration, I saw army men on winter fatigues laying on the ground ready for action, the bushes turned into beasts and fought each other, bus stations, kids jumping rope, alligators, the hallucinations were incredibly detail, also fatigue and the cold was making me sleepy so I sang hard to force my brain to wake up, sadly the first song that came to mind was The Wheels on the Bus.
What to do? I needed to make a decision, I was still safe but I couldn’t possibly wait for anybody to come and find me, I didn’t know that they had already cancelled the race but it would have been irresponsible if they had allowed the race to continue. At this point I considered calling for help, I always carry my spot satellite for emergencies and I had my cell phone but I didn’t want to endangered the lives of rescuers unless it was absolutely necessary and at this point things were still under control, plus i had absolutely no idea where i was so it was going to take longer for them to find me that for me to find shelter. it would be an incredible irony that I have been in inhospitable places for races but it will be in California where I would be saved from a winter storm.
The one thing I decided to do was to find a road, Rose Valley Aid Station was at the parking lot of the park, I knew the had dismantled the aid station because we were not scheduled to go back but I notice a couple of guys that were camping, they had stood there watching us go through the gate with amusement, I was hoping that they were still there also there was a bathroom that I could use for shelter. As I started to run downhill the snow turned into heavy rain at lower altitude I knew that if the guys were not there I was in serious trouble, there is no such a thing as i couldn't run to save my life, after running over 50 miles i had no problem running hard, if i could only do that at races!
Fortunately when I got there about 45 min later,I could see two tiny tents, it was almost 1am so they were asleep for sure. For a few seconds I thought about how ridiculous it must look, been awakened by a strange woman wearing a garbage bag and a racing bib.
I told them that I needed help, fortunately Brian and Tony turned out to be Navy officers, they recognized that they needed to act fast, as soon as a stop running I got cold quickly, in a matter of minutes I was slurring my words, the boys took matter as seriously as an official mission.I was out of my clothing again (to clarify I always wear under armor sports underwear that look like biking shorts in case I need to change on a race, but listen to your mother and always wear clean undies) Brian later told me that when I started shaking and my eye rolled back he knew it was serious. They are both trained for medical emergencies so I could not have stumbled upon better help. After a change to dry clothing, water and some food I was feeling better, fatigued but I was still hallucinating so the boys chaperoned me to the race start to notify the RD that I was safe and sound and to pick up my car, then later drove me and my car to my hotel because i was not in driving shape, I am telling you chivalry is not dead, Brian and Tony's wives are very lucky women.
I arrived to my room close to 2am and my roommates arrived about 30 min later, one by one, Harold, John and Jack were all taking turns with the stories, Harold was showing signs of hypothermia as well, apparently I talked lengthy but made little sense.
The next morning we woke up to the damage, fallen trees everywhere, most of C2M crew vehicles had to be left at the ridge, the roads disappeared on the mud slides and they called a group to volunteer to bring down a radio guy who was unable to get down by himself, I looked at my shoes quickly but Harold was not as fast as I was and ended up helping bring him down.
Overall, there were no serious injuries, amazing considering that there were about 100 participants and some of them where caught by the storm wearing nothing but shorts and singlet. There was talk of this been the last of C2M’s edition since last year weather created havoc as well, not sure I agree with that. Trail races especially ultras always carry a degree of danger, is part of the allure, if I was somebody that didn’t want that kind of risk I would sign for a road race. Besides from the incredible discomfort the fact that I managed to remain calm tells me that this is were I belong, sure there were times while I was running wild to try and find help that I thought, “damn, I need to quit doing this to myself” but I knew that that was not possible anymore, at dinner last night, sharing a bottle of wine with Harold and Jack the talked turned to races that we had done and I could feel my heart rate go up with excitement at the talk of some races that I haven’t done but are on my bucket list, they don’t call it passion for nothing.
“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” Helen Keller.
Pre race activities included an evening of bowling and if you wore the best costume could earn you bonus points, the picnic had us all singing, fail to join in the fun and you earn boner points, it was amazing watching such serous runners like Karl Metltzer so relaxed bowling in a costume just days before that race. Make no mistake; the race is competitive and very challenging. The race package included great quality items such a Patagonia jacket but the majority of the items on the loot bag were useless items such a stir stick from a cheap hotel bar, last year’s calendars, or irrelevant pamphlets from places that aren’t even in the area .
I started on the M3 group; we start from slowest to fastest with the intention that everybody finishes in a 4hr window. My start time was Friday at midnight, two previous groups first as early as 6pm, while Howard drove to the start and tried to nap for a few hours, I ended up trying to relax back at the room watching my favorite novela Eva Luna .Jack and John kept me company pretending to be interested on the story line when they knew and I knew the only reason why they let me changed the channel was that Latin soap actress are easy on the eye.
Finally at 11:30 I decided to go to the start line at Thatcher School field, It had been raining already, I was dreading it for many reasons, I was hugely undertrained and the weather forecast was calling for a storm Sunday morning so while I stood there in the rain with 10 other runners in the rain waiting for our start and I was already questioning my decision. As soon as they waved us good-bye and we set off I could feel my excitement increasing and I started forgetting about the rain. I stayed behind with Mark and Ty who insisted on calling me Ramona, it was hard to see with all the fog but it helped that the road was wide enough to run chorus line like and all three head torches complimented each other. I found the course challenging in the way that is hardly ever flat, either straight up or down, but not very technical, at least not the first 50 miles. It was fun running together and howling at the moon, a C2M tradition I am told. The 10.9 mile trail to Sisar Canyon was almost without incident, 100 yards from the air station a creek had spilled over the road and form a pond right in the middle, I slipped and fell getting wet, when I arrived to the CP yelling “ my bike, where is my bike” they looked at me wondering what I was I saying, “I didn’t realized it was a triathlon, I done the swim part now I need my bike.”
Next was Topa Aid station on mile 17.2, I started falling behind, the chilly night and wet clothes where a horrible combination, again it was a steep climb ,when I arrived I was mildly hypothermic, I was really disappointed that I could potentially drop out so early, thankfully volunteers were kind, they took my clothes and dried them on the bonfire and they sat me on a warm car wrapped in a blanked, in about an hr I was ready to head out again, with drier clothes and volunteer Matt’s socks.
By the time I was on my way to Rose Valley aid station I could see how far behind I had fallen, I was about two hour behind the group I had been running with, the only good thing was that Canadian Jenn Segger who had started at 3am was smoking the course, Jann is all class, i had the pleasure of going for some Mexican dinner with her and Bruce other Canadian and talented runner.
By the time I reach Topa Aid station and 32.4 miles later the very fast 100 runners such as Karl Meltzer had reach Topa for the first time and where already on their way to Rose Valley aid station, I had started 10 hrs earlier and in no time were going to pass me. As they went by I looked disappointed said, “ what? I am not going to win it?” One of them yelled as he was passing by,” Remember to hydrate and you just might!”
Even though it was a bit warmer I was still feeling a bit cold, and by now I had trouble keeping food or drink, out of nowhere the fastest registered female runner who was wearing a hat with a propeller tap me on the shoulder, as it is a C2M tradition, the fastest and slowest runners wear the hat, I had just been passed by the fastest female making me officially the slowest female on the course so I had to wear the hat, great, the only thing worse now I though is that if I got to Ridge Junction Aid station and I found out that my high school reunion was been held there AND my high school crush was still hot and recently single.
By the time I arrived I was shivering again, I sat there wondering if this time I was going to drop out, I sat there watching the 100K runners who had started Sat morning starting to come through. Again the volunteers went out of their way to warm me up and send me on my way, a few quesadillas later I stood there shivering ready to go when Luis Escobar pronounced “ lets make a vapor barrier out of a garbage bag!” so after 40 minutes wearing a garbage bag and the propeller hat I set out again, “living the dream” I thought. The most amazing thing was that not a single one of us thought “ wait a minute, this is a bad idea, maybe she should just go home” The truth is that while I had been previously been embarrassed because I was so slow, after almost dropping I was determined to finish.
It was back to Rose Valley Aid Station, by now it was raining again, I must have been a sight when I started descending to the next aid station, “ I know” I said when they smiled when I came around “ hard to believe I am still single” by the time I left the aid station the weather started turning for the worse, I was nervous, I had lost my map when I fell on the creek so I was now relying on course markings on the course and anybody that had participated on C2M, course markings are very few. As the weather turned and night came the last two runners who were behind me passed me, two elite runners who were tracking for a record finish, as they passed me I told them that I was know for my amazing negative splits so they shouldn’t write me off as competition so easily. As they passed they told me to turn right at the top of the road and turn left at the trail marking. By the time I go to the top of the ridge it was storming and I had trouble raising my head to see where I was going. I was worry since I was going to an area that I had not gone yet and was worry about missing the turn, after an hour I decided to turn back to Ridge Junction Aid station that I was sure it was the exact opposite direction. For 4 hours I struggle with the wind and the cold, by now I was desperate to find shelter, I decided to turn back to lower ground because the wind was picking up and I was worry that it was going to blow me off the mountain, I also started to hallucinate, I am sure because of the lack of sleep and dehydration, I saw army men on winter fatigues laying on the ground ready for action, the bushes turned into beasts and fought each other, bus stations, kids jumping rope, alligators, the hallucinations were incredibly detail, also fatigue and the cold was making me sleepy so I sang hard to force my brain to wake up, sadly the first song that came to mind was The Wheels on the Bus.
What to do? I needed to make a decision, I was still safe but I couldn’t possibly wait for anybody to come and find me, I didn’t know that they had already cancelled the race but it would have been irresponsible if they had allowed the race to continue. At this point I considered calling for help, I always carry my spot satellite for emergencies and I had my cell phone but I didn’t want to endangered the lives of rescuers unless it was absolutely necessary and at this point things were still under control, plus i had absolutely no idea where i was so it was going to take longer for them to find me that for me to find shelter. it would be an incredible irony that I have been in inhospitable places for races but it will be in California where I would be saved from a winter storm.
The one thing I decided to do was to find a road, Rose Valley Aid Station was at the parking lot of the park, I knew the had dismantled the aid station because we were not scheduled to go back but I notice a couple of guys that were camping, they had stood there watching us go through the gate with amusement, I was hoping that they were still there also there was a bathroom that I could use for shelter. As I started to run downhill the snow turned into heavy rain at lower altitude I knew that if the guys were not there I was in serious trouble, there is no such a thing as i couldn't run to save my life, after running over 50 miles i had no problem running hard, if i could only do that at races!
Fortunately when I got there about 45 min later,I could see two tiny tents, it was almost 1am so they were asleep for sure. For a few seconds I thought about how ridiculous it must look, been awakened by a strange woman wearing a garbage bag and a racing bib.
I told them that I needed help, fortunately Brian and Tony turned out to be Navy officers, they recognized that they needed to act fast, as soon as a stop running I got cold quickly, in a matter of minutes I was slurring my words, the boys took matter as seriously as an official mission.I was out of my clothing again (to clarify I always wear under armor sports underwear that look like biking shorts in case I need to change on a race, but listen to your mother and always wear clean undies) Brian later told me that when I started shaking and my eye rolled back he knew it was serious. They are both trained for medical emergencies so I could not have stumbled upon better help. After a change to dry clothing, water and some food I was feeling better, fatigued but I was still hallucinating so the boys chaperoned me to the race start to notify the RD that I was safe and sound and to pick up my car, then later drove me and my car to my hotel because i was not in driving shape, I am telling you chivalry is not dead, Brian and Tony's wives are very lucky women.
I arrived to my room close to 2am and my roommates arrived about 30 min later, one by one, Harold, John and Jack were all taking turns with the stories, Harold was showing signs of hypothermia as well, apparently I talked lengthy but made little sense.
The next morning we woke up to the damage, fallen trees everywhere, most of C2M crew vehicles had to be left at the ridge, the roads disappeared on the mud slides and they called a group to volunteer to bring down a radio guy who was unable to get down by himself, I looked at my shoes quickly but Harold was not as fast as I was and ended up helping bring him down.
Overall, there were no serious injuries, amazing considering that there were about 100 participants and some of them where caught by the storm wearing nothing but shorts and singlet. There was talk of this been the last of C2M’s edition since last year weather created havoc as well, not sure I agree with that. Trail races especially ultras always carry a degree of danger, is part of the allure, if I was somebody that didn’t want that kind of risk I would sign for a road race. Besides from the incredible discomfort the fact that I managed to remain calm tells me that this is were I belong, sure there were times while I was running wild to try and find help that I thought, “damn, I need to quit doing this to myself” but I knew that that was not possible anymore, at dinner last night, sharing a bottle of wine with Harold and Jack the talked turned to races that we had done and I could feel my heart rate go up with excitement at the talk of some races that I haven’t done but are on my bucket list, they don’t call it passion for nothing.
“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” Helen Keller.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Dream big
In a few days I will be running Coyote 2 Moons. I am unreasonably nervous, i couldn't put it into words, the dreading feeling, until I had a conversation with Jack who is generously helping me with the logistics and letting me crash at his hotel room floor " if you find space" apparently i am not the only ultrarunner wanting to save money. He was asking me about my reluctance and I realized I felt like a plane crash survivor, I was feeling guilty for wanting to continue with my life knowing that Charlie is not free. Yes, I had nothing to do with it yet I feel terribly guilty. I have wanted to just lay low and work at a Starbucks for a while but it seems I am not good at it. It seems crazy after I yelled to the world that I wanted to do something about my son's condition how could I back away now? the great thing about taking some time off to sort things out was that it was a wonderful time to take care of the things that where neglected, having moved to Vancouver proved to be right,as hard and time consuming as it turned out to be, my kids could not be happier or healthier, I get to see my sister Muneca everyday and her family, scheduling things with her help is so much easier that I wonder how did I ever do without her. like now, I just get to leave and she takes over until my ex-husband comes to town for the kids for spring break.
Once I made up my mind I could feel the excitement building up, in a few days I will be with some awesome people that I have never met on an amazing adventure, the joys, the pain I will savour it all.
I am starting a series call dream big, I want my life back, all of it, I am going to stand tall and admit that I want more from life and I am not afraid to go for it. I am fortunate to be given the opportunity to live this life, a life of adventure that I have learned to love and refusing it will be ungrateful to the universe that had so generously offered to me in the first place.
I can see my life clearly, I will probably not die wealthy I like love my family too much to watch my bank account get bigger and them struggle ,I find it weird that some people just write a check to a charity get a tax receipt and dont really take the time to see if there is a niece who can't afford school tuition or a sibling who lost a job, I might not have a big bank account when I die but I will die as someone who lived fully and I hope my kids follow suit.
For C2M surviving will be the main plan, I haven't run 100 miles without stopping since Iron Horse Ultra in 2009 so it will be smart to stay conservative and see what happens. Howard is in my start group and I will be shadowing him all the way, Howard finish shy of 30hrs last year and he said it was hard.
I am starting to stay awake at night dreaming of what else I want to accomplish, it feels so good to have dreams and goals again.
So my question to you is, if I gave you permission to dream big what will it be?
"Let go of the past and go for the future. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined."- Henry David Thoreau
Once I made up my mind I could feel the excitement building up, in a few days I will be with some awesome people that I have never met on an amazing adventure, the joys, the pain I will savour it all.
I am starting a series call dream big, I want my life back, all of it, I am going to stand tall and admit that I want more from life and I am not afraid to go for it. I am fortunate to be given the opportunity to live this life, a life of adventure that I have learned to love and refusing it will be ungrateful to the universe that had so generously offered to me in the first place.
I can see my life clearly, I will probably not die wealthy I like love my family too much to watch my bank account get bigger and them struggle ,I find it weird that some people just write a check to a charity get a tax receipt and dont really take the time to see if there is a niece who can't afford school tuition or a sibling who lost a job, I might not have a big bank account when I die but I will die as someone who lived fully and I hope my kids follow suit.
For C2M surviving will be the main plan, I haven't run 100 miles without stopping since Iron Horse Ultra in 2009 so it will be smart to stay conservative and see what happens. Howard is in my start group and I will be shadowing him all the way, Howard finish shy of 30hrs last year and he said it was hard.
I am starting to stay awake at night dreaming of what else I want to accomplish, it feels so good to have dreams and goals again.
So my question to you is, if I gave you permission to dream big what will it be?
"Let go of the past and go for the future. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined."- Henry David Thoreau
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