Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.

The last 2 weeks have been really hard. I pull a tendon on my foot and couldn't run for a couple of weeks. I did everything else to keep sane, swim, row, spin. At one point I realize that I resembled the flight attendant who is trying to quit smoking on the TV ad. My foot has healed enough to resume my running. i am back to just half my mileage, can't over do it, I now run in the morning and bike in the evening, it amounts to the same mileage I was doing but less impact.

Is getting tougher to stay focus, I notice my motivation hasn't diminish, just the focus of my training. I am lacking the fire in my belly. for one thing is cold outside and I am doing a lot of indoor running on my treadmill. which is my favourite thing this week. My True ZI could go out but I don't want to slip again and re injure my foot. Second my next race is the Frozen Ass 50K in February, I was looking forward to it and maybe placing maybe 1st in my age group and then a saw the results. Syl Corbett was first last year, well what are my chances. There are also basically only 2 ages groups categories, under 35 and over 35, that doesn't really narrow it down.

I talked to a Friend of mine about it and I guess the focus of my training should be about finishing, smart tip given that ultras are all about insane endurance, and she is right, I didn't finish the Death Race and at the start of my training that was the focus, somewhere down the lines, as I get stronger, the lines get blurry

I have been talking to a lot of runners on-line and I am amaze of the different reasons people do what they do, some have been doing it for so long that they need no reason at all, is part of their life, just like going to work, or eating, other are like me, it was a way of coping with things such a divorce, the death of a child and such. Is strange that I feel so close to all this strangers, one common bound that keeps us stronger.

Karl and Hans had an amazing weekend, they both had swim meets and at different pools, somehow somewhere around 3pm on Saturday when i am driving from one pool to the other to watch them, cloning seem like a great invention.

Well Hans' meet when as well as his previous meets, he won 3 out of 4 and on Sunday he competed against the 12 year olds, I was lucky enough to volunteer that day, my heart was bursting out of my chest with pride, he looked so tiny compared to the other boys, he manage to place second, his arms and legs went so fast because he had to go that much faster than the other kids, parents around the pool pointed and laughed because he was trying so hard, but he did it, he was very determined and has been working very hard at it. i have seen him at the practices and he is always paying attention and he often begs me to leave him after practice longer and it showed this weekend.

Karl's meet was a lot different but just as successful, he is in Junior Lifeguards. he has never been good at swimming, the only reason why he is there is because the value team work and also because is the only sport he can do at the club. Karl's story was just like the movie Rudy, if you seen it you will know what I mean, he struggled though the whole event, he did win 1st for the rope toss competition, by 5:30 he was exhausted, he had been at the pool with bad lighting and no glasses for hours, the last competition was the 100m swim with obstacles, I was nervous watching him against the other kids. When the other kids where finishing he still had 50m to go, he just kept on going, I stood up and yelled his name, I wanted him to know I was there, so did Hans, all of a sudden the whole place was calling his name and clapping in encouragement, even the guy in the mike calling the events start calling his name. Karl never seems to care much about small things, he believes in trying your best and never giving up. When he finish, he had a standing ovation, parents around me where congratulating me and I was once again filled with pride.When went home that night laughing all the way. I place their new ribbons in their room. first and seconds for Hans and a first and third for Karl, the truth is there where only 3 kids on that competition, it didn't matter to me, he had earned, had he been too intimidated to show up he would never have gotten them.

So now, once again, showing up to my races is a reason for celebrating, I know I will check the results online after my race and maybe will be a bit disappointed, but I know that thanks to Karl and Hans I will always show up, work hard, go the extra mile,and give my best no matter the outcome.

The not so secret

I just finish my last race of 2007. The last chance half marathon. 1:39:04.An improvement from my last half by almost a minute. Not bad since it was a training run, I went on it as tired as I could be, to train my body to respond even when tired. When you run ultras, running tired is a normal thing, so asking my body to perform to such a level after a hard month is what it will prepare me for next summer.

I have decided to add a few more races to 2008. I am looking forward to doing the Swiss Jura marathon, 175K over 7 days or a half a marathon a day for a week , I am so excited I have been reading my race package as a bedtime story.

My best friend Nadia came trail running with me last month, she liked it so much we are talking about running transrockies together in September. That is 3 ultra in three months for me , Swiss Jura, the Death Race and Transrockies.

I have a idea on how I plan on accomplishing this, in two words, hard work. I feel it's a possibility, only because I see myself doing the work day after day. Now, I am not a big fan of the book the secret about positive thinking, I am old school. If you work hard at it, you can accomplish about anything.I don't want to sit at home and visualize myself on the race, I do it every time I go out for a run, or a power hike, a core session, every time I do I workout, I can see myself closer to my goal.

That's why the Secret is not my favourite book, for inspiration, I flip though Trail Running magazine or watch shows like Everest- Beyond the limit.

My favourite thing this week is friends. I just had a birthday,I turned 40 to be exact, and its friends that make times like that special, for my birthday, Nadia took me and my kids to Canmore and we raced Winterstart together, as I looked around I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate than that, with friends, family, a race and beer afterwards in a parking lot.

As for not believing in the Secret, I do keep an empty drawer in my bedroom just in case.

Love that is not madness is not love

What a week it has been. I was out last night and I was amaze how hard is not to obsess. I don't think that I don't like to go out because I am OC about running. I really don't like it. I enjoy an intimate dinner party, movies, theatre, music. Is just the big impersonal parties that I feel like fish out of water. What can I possible have in common with a bunch of strangers that the whole goal of the evening is to get a s drunk as possible or hooking up with somebody before you friends do?
Nothing wrong but I don't like drinking much and I am want to go home alone since my kids are gone to a friends house and I am looking forward to an interrupted night of sleep.. Am I just terrible wrong?
Except for that my life is going great. Karl is getting all the help he needs at school. St. James is doing a lot more that they are required to do by law and I could not be more grateful. Karl comes home beaming everyday showing me all the special books or showing me all the equipment he is getting to help him be independent in school. Things like large font text books, extra light in his locker, a colored volleyball with a bell inside, a CCTV computer to enlarge text to any book at school. I am very grateful because he feels empowered. I don't want to sound like Oprah here but that is what a child like Karl needs.
There was a minor bump on the road, Karl has giving up riding his bike and is bothering him. I explained best I could that even as a fully able person, we still by choice don't do everything we are physically able to do, we still choose only the things that appeal to us, so in the greater scope of things he still was doing as much as anybody else, the only difference is the choice was being made for him. There are a lot of things that he still could do and concentrating on that was not a less courageous thing, it was just practical. Karl has been so determine to show himself and everybody around him that this is not going to stop him that he is not giving himself a break. So after talking to Hans we came up with perfect alternative tandem bike, Karl loved the idea, although he question my driving skills, Hans complained that he could never beat us since it was two against one. I love my family, I love that we are able to look after each other.
Hans had an amazing week as well, he did amazing yesterday at his first swim meet and won a couple. Greg and I sat there beaming with pride, seemed very normal until other parent came to congratulate me and my husband for Hans. "He is not my husband", I replied, "he is my ex'.. I didn't want to say my ex boyfriend because it sounds like it was just a casual hook up, I must as well say, this ex convict I dated for a couple of weeks.. To my kids he is like a stepdad" you mean your ex husband?".." Hans' dad?" " no, he is my other ex"... " I guess you can call him the exstepdad" .. I some how felt like Elizabeth Taylor and I was on my third husband by now. I guess looking from the outside it might be a bit unconventional.There is a reason why people decide it is not working for the two of you. but how about the kids? what do they have to do with it? They have a completely different relationship with that person and that's what I see.Their relationship was working amazingly well. I asked my kids a few month ago how they where feeling about the whole thing and they said that their biggest fear was never been able to see Greg again. That's when I knew I was doing the right thing.Is their relationship, they decide when is enough.

I am ready for my trail run, I went to Barrier lake last Sunday and I felt butterflies in my stomach, I get such a trill to be out there in nature running on my own. Is my favourite thing to do. I am waiting for my Garmin 305 to come, a present to myself for my birthday in a couple of weeks. I am exited about trail running and I would like to track my performance better, is becoming a bit trickier now since i also started my class from university, I can't just endlessly run, I need to train smart and accommodate studying on top of kids, their schedule and work.
Last night talking to a few people I felt uncomfortable, is not my world at all. Is not where I belong, I belong here in my life, with my kids,and doing all those things that make me happy, taking care of them,looking after them. I know they are growing and ready to go out in their own, that's why I run, that is the thing I do for me, it will be there when they leave.
At this moment I enjoy being there mother and taking care if them, I wish I could put them on a tandem bike forever and take them around their life with me protecting them from all their challenges they are sure to face. But my role is to love them as much as I do then let them go and be there when they need me.

Who knew

The results for the race are in. 3rd in age group and 6th overall female. I was happy about the results although I was hopping for 2 and third overall. I saw the girl who placed second, almost 2 minutes ahead of me, the winner I never did, she was almost 12 minutes ahead of me. I couldn't stop thinking if they where in better shape or if they could dig deeper than me. They did look in amazing shape, but I am not sure if I need to train more or to utilize what I have and think like a racer. For 2 minutes maybe 12 minutes ahead I am thinking she was fitter than me for sure.

Is funny how things have changed now, 2 years ago I was usually trying not to be last, and now I am placing to 10 and still feel disappointed.

I am ready to start my training again. I don't have any races booked until Boston, where I plan on staying on my same time 3:39 because is a harder course, if I can do the same pace then I am doing OK.

Here is what my training looks like until now.

I am running 6 days a week between 5-6 miles and a long day of about 12 miles. I have a one tempo day of 6 X 7 minutes miles and hill training day where I add 4X 10 second sprints at the end adding one more each week and building to up to 10. sandwich in between are 2 or 3 core training which usually is 3 sets of single legged exercises like walking lunges,single leg dead lifts, single leg squats and of course bridges, push ups and sit ups.

My next training will be like this, is a training I have used last spring that builds the mileage to 70 miles/ week. I add mileage gradually to avoid injury, only increasing 10% of total weekly mileage every 3 weeks until I am running 70 miles/ week and then cut down the mileage to 70%. The plan I took from Running Times Magazine. I am from the school of thought that more is more, I know a lot of people that run a lot less and are performing better than me. I just feel good running a race knowing that I am prepare, and my body can handle the mileage. I am only writing my plan because I have been asked many times. I am not a coach or anything , i just simply love to run and I read a lot of articles on the subject.

this is what my training will look like in miles at the end of my cycle 3 weeks before Boston, running everyday and resting on Saturday. I do adjust my schedule to fit my kids but the mileage stays the same.

week # Mon.. Tue.. Wed.. Thur.. Fri ..Rest ..Sun
Week 1 -4am/5pm ..7..4am/6pm ..9.. 8 rest ..12..total=55
week 2- 4am/6pm ..8.. 4am/7pm.. 10.. 8 rest.. 13..total=60 miles
week 3 -4am/7pm.. 11.. 5am/7pm 11.. 9 rest.. 14..total=65 miles
week 4 -6.. 7.. 8.. 6.. 7.. rest ..9..total=43 miles

I tried this training very successfully last spring but I was spent for about a month, time commitment is big and forget about having a life.

I am mentally preparing for my next year, I am exited and for the first time I am thinking winning might be a possibility, since I will be in the 40-49 age group, I am not far behind the top age grouper, only a couple of minutes. Not for the marathon but for the trail running series, being lite is an advantage when carrying yourself up a hill, I just need to work on endurance.

My favorite thing this week is Maroon 5, specially the songs " Makes me wonder" and " Wake up call" my legs get faster just listening even if I am on my 15th mile.

As for motivation, is everywhere. I have been watching Karl struggle because he is doing new things that he is not used to and watch him try hard and learn his new school ground or try and fit in his Cross Country team. I know is hard because they train outdoors and he is often running without help, he is very slow since he has to run at much slower pace just to concentrate in front of him and his breathing gets compromised because he has to look straight down in front of him with his head down because he has almost no peripheral vision.

I went to Ha Ling again on the weekend and run it in an hour, 30 minutes less that last month, I just keep thinking of Karl and how hard is for him to just do the things we take for granted. Who am I to think my life is hard when I have been giving all the oportunities to succeed. Karl has been giving and unfair advantage and he doen't complain he just deals the best with what he is giving and try to adjust his life to his new condition. I think we can all learn a lot from that.

Danger is the new black

I still don't get why we humans behave the way we do. Buckle up when we drive but will pay money to jump out of a plane.

Danger is something that we seek right next to security. Do we need both to become happier humans or is it only the brave that attempts to have their cake and eat it too? I have a strong need to belong with my usual running friends, the marathoners but I secretly dream of racing ultramarathons. I pour though my Trail Running magazines and fantasize about all the ultras. Is the dream, the hope that you are going to do something that is dangerous but you are somehow going to come out of it victorious.

I don't consider myself a risk taker, but somewhere down the line, when the days become long and the tasks at hand become tiresome the dreams of escaping the monotony is the only thought that gets me though an other meaningless yet necessary task that I yet have to fulfill, like doing laundry. I have decided to race the Death Race, not just to finished but to actually race it. I spend my days calculating my game plan to get me there. There is a lot of information about running marathons but not a lot of running ultramarathons and climbing mountains at the same time, all I am going by my experience in my last Death Race. I didn't get passed on the flat surface, and very seldom on the incline, it was on the downhill where I lost most of my time so I am keeping the training to about the same distance, between 55-80 miles per week with speedwork and core training but adding hill training.

It should not add to any more time that I am already committing between 10-18 hours a week depending on how early I am on the training because all I have to do is to replace one of my easy runs with hill training. Other change that I am making is reversing my plan, concentrating on speedwork now and adding mileage later as suggested by Dr.David Martin from the Elite Athlete performance lab.

My favourite thing this week? My Asic Nimbus, great on the trail and the road.

I definitely feel very Lara Croft in Tomb Raider when I think about doing something so daring so bold. If you come over on a Saturday night and I am doing laundry don't be surprise if I am actually enjoying myself, I got plans of my own, plans of someday breaking out of this mold and turning into a butterfly.

If you don't like the ending of the book, write an other chapter

I have been thinking about what motivates us lately. My good friend from Venezuela stopped by Sunday night. I hadn't talked to her in a while, she is in love again and it showed. She is been separated from her husband for two years now and she is madly in love again. She is really pretty but she looked ever more beautiful as she talked to me about this guy. She definitely was glowing.

Passion is something that drives us to seek pleasure while risking pain.Is funny how my friend was looking at me with horror as I excitedly talked about the Death Race and my next race the five peaks in Canmore in a couple of weeks, 13K at the Nordic Centre? no way she said. The funny thing is that I was thinking the same thing about falling in love again. I much rather run 125K than falling in love again. At least for now.

What motivates us is either seeking pleasure or avoiding pain. Sometimes it starts like one and develops and an other. Running for me was a way of avoiding pain, the pain of laying in bed hour after hour thinking and unable to fall asleep. as the pain slowly left, I experience pleasure, the pleasure of feeling strong, the pleasure of keeping up to my best friend Nadia, a way better runner than me.

My kids couldn't sleep last night. Karl woke up at 3am with a panic attack, he is starting grade 7 next week and he is very nervous, he was worry his teacher wouldn't know about his eyes and would ask him to do something he wouldn't be able to do "Then you tell her you can't and explained why and what you need to do to be able to do it" I calmly told him. Then Hans woke up and joined in the panic attacked "What if nobody likes me" he asked, I had decided to pull him out of his school too and move both of them to a school that offered elementary school and junior high together. I feel guilty for doing that to Hans but family comes first. I need him as my spy, I know Karl will never tell me if he had a bad day, but Hans always will. After a 20 minute conversation with both of them about how we can't all do everything and event if we are able we might choose not to. and to Hans I simply said that if I could find friends he certainly could too, he looked at me and smiled.

I went on a short run after dinner and they both biked with me. Karl felt great, he knows the way really well and that makes him feel really good about himself. Is hard for him to do anything that is new, he relies on memory to fill in the blanks, is like doing things while squinting hard. Karl and Hans are experiencing pain but with time it will turn to pleasure, the pleasure of overcoming their fears or the pleasure of making new friends.

My run today was of about only 10K, I am going to supplement my running with biking to keep my fitness level and let my legs and joints rest a bit. I am starting to feel a bit bored of having evenings off, TV was a great distraction but now is really annoying me. Dating? too bad there is no training I can do to ease into it.

I figure if I can feel the same passion that I feel about my kids, or running,in my new job or a new relationship ( in time) there is really nothing that will stop me from succeeding at it anymore.

Happly Ever After

How many times can you fall in love? At my age I didn't think it was going to happen any more. And it happened, when I least expected. Trail Running is my new passion.

I have done it before but not successfully. I went to Ha Ling Peak formerly know as Chinaman's Peak, the climb was 1:10 minutes but running down was only 35 minutes of pure adrenaline. I learned that I need to lean forward not back when running downhill and stay low to the grown to avoid getting too much air. I put my ipod on and I was flying and loving the burning sensation in my quads. Hiking purist be damn, I was doing everything hikers are against, trying to go as fast I could possible could up or down.

Well I did stop to look at the view, at the top for a few minutes to quickly eat a banana to refuel for the way down, then I jogged to downtown Canmore to my friends Greg's place where my kids where waiting for me.
I arrived 2:51 minutes later, dusty and limping a bit since my knee was giving me trouble the last 2K. Just like when you are seeing a bad boy, every time I go for a trail run everybody expect me to say, that is it, is over, almost like I had finally realize that is only going to turn nasty sooner or later.

So far is working out, just me and the trail, a match made in heaven.
There are a lot of running clubs that go out and train in the mountains, I am a bit selfish and have trouble sharing my love, Breena wants to go next time with me, I panic I am not sure I am ready yet, I told her we could go for a long run along the reservoir instead, she wants to do 24K next Saturday.
I have 5 peaks race in a couple of weeks at the Nordic Center in Canmore and I can hardly wait, 13k,now I wish I had sign for the half marathon.

Of course I should slow down and get to know each other first, 13K then maybe a half in a few months and aim for the full marathon at Powder Face in July. I need to remember that Boston is in April and I need to focus on speedwork and tempo runs as well.

I am having trouble finding songs that motivate me this week, after running so much I have played the same songs to death, so no ipod songs list this week.

It was touch and go for running this week, I had good days but most of it was junk mileage. Now that I have found the key to trail running I should go back to quality running again tomorrow.