Sunday, October 25, 2009

Bathroom stall poetry

"Whatever love we think deserve is the love we receive" Unknown, written in a bathroom stall at the Chinook Mall.

Is about a month before I head for Argentina, I have been really busy preparing, both physically and mentally. I know my trainer Ray Zahab is the best in the world but let me tell you, his workouts are tough, he makes no apologies for it, i told him I was exhausted after he asked me how I was feeling and he said. " good, you should".

The kick off for Aconcagua will be at my kids school, the teachers been asking me to talk to the kids since registration to sports specially cross country have been dwindling. the week before I go to Argentina, I will run for 7 hours on a treadmill and the kids and staff at St.James school will try to beat me on a separate treadmill, they will also ask friends and family for pledges and the money raised will go to All For Humanity and Operation Eyesight Universal. Originally we needed 7 treadmills (one for each continent) to engage as many kids as possible but I was unable to find all of them.

Things are falling into places, I stopped feeling angry and forced myself to understand better. It's always been easy to feel the " if's" as in " if I had the money" " if I was not alone" but that isn't the case. I have been asking for something that I haven't proven that I am ready for and I should work hard on making sure I am, and that's what I have been doing recently, training hard. I call it surrendering, its really different from giving up. Once I understood this, the anger went away, if I work hard everything is still possible, just not on the timeline I had anticipated. My focus was on being the fastest female to ascend all 7 highest peak not for me but to maximize exposure to blindness but even if it takes me 5 or even 7 years, dreams don't have expiry dates. and if I only reach a handful of people that's worth it.

Unfortunately training it's not as easy as with running, I can't just simply take to the mountains as I can step out of my house and run, even my long runs I was able to put my kids to bed and run all night on my treadmill so I wouldn't leave them alone for 12 hours. The endurance part I can do, I practically live at the gym but the skills are a different story, the second best is to read as much as I can on the subject and head to the mountains whenever I get a chance.

My favorite magazine right now is Gripped it has an amazing article about staying motivated, it says that we need two types of goals, end goals and process goals. End goals are external things such as accomplishing a race, a climb or quitting smoking, process goals are the things you learn in the process of your external achievements, they are internal such as the ability to increase your lactic threshold or experiencing less anxiety from not smoking. The order of the goals is very important too, making process goals more important will keep you motivated even when things get though because you see them as a valuable part of the end goal. I have been doing just that without knowing it, I have been looking forward to the training because i think it will make me a better runner too, hills have never been my strength and seeing how much better I am at them makes me want to train harder and harder. To increase my motivation I also picked an other end goal, running Atacama Race in March and aim for top 3 female.

My favorite climber right now is Sean Isaac from Canmore, I am learning that mountaineering is a sport that attracts incredibly athletes but humble in nature, the best way for me to be accepted is to keep quiet and let my work speak for me. it's very important to be able to do the climbs only if I earn the respect of everybody that I share the mountains with. Sometimes the most talented people are the ones we never hear from, they get no satisfaction from glory, just from the act itself.

I am also finishing my university course ( international Business) and looking for a job as well. I need to start working in January and I have narrowed the search to 3 jobs. It has to be casual so I won't stress if I need to take my kids to the Doctor or go to a parent teacher interview, it also have to be shift work since I need to take my kids to their swimming right after school. It was a bit tough to get my head around the choices, housekeeping for the Fairmont Palliser Hotel, Barista for Starbucks or bakery at Safeway. It was not a problem until i realized i need to name references, I kept thinking please don't call my ex boss!!??. sending the resume will be hard too, my last job was as a marketing director, I mean isn't it suppose to be backwards? house keeping then director? but I need the money and I should never be embarrassed to work, no matter what the job is. My kids are growing up,they will be able to do things on their own and then I will be able to work full time at an office, by then I should have also my Bachelor of Management from Athabasca University.

Of course as my goals increased, so did the level of difficulty to accomplish them, yet I have never been happier, they keep getting harder and harder but since they are still things that are important to me I am happy. I guess that's when you know if the path you are on is the right one, I look around and I like what I see, I see somebody working hard to reach a goal, and in the process I am teaching my kids the value of believing in yourself.

"The mountains have rules. they are harsh rules, but they are there, and if you keep to them you are safe. A mountain is not like men. A mountain is sincere. The weapons to conquer it exist inside you, inside your soul.Walter Bonatti."