Bathroom stall poetry

"Whatever love we think deserve is the love we receive" Unknown, written in a bathroom stall at the Chinook Mall.

Is about a month before I head for Argentina, I have been really busy preparing, both physically and mentally. I know my trainer Ray Zahab is the best in the world but let me tell you, his workouts are tough, he makes no apologies for it, i told him I was exhausted after he asked me how I was feeling and he said. " good, you should".

The kick off for Aconcagua will be at my kids school, the teachers been asking me to talk to the kids since registration to sports specially cross country have been dwindling. the week before I go to Argentina, I will run for 7 hours on a treadmill and the kids and staff at St.James school will try to beat me on a separate treadmill, they will also ask friends and family for pledges and the money raised will go to All For Humanity and Operation Eyesight Universal. Originally we needed 7 treadmills (one for each continent) to engage as many kids as possible but I was unable to find all of them.

Things are falling into places, I stopped feeling angry and forced myself to understand better. It's always been easy to feel the " if's" as in " if I had the money" " if I was not alone" but that isn't the case. I have been asking for something that I haven't proven that I am ready for and I should work hard on making sure I am, and that's what I have been doing recently, training hard. I call it surrendering, its really different from giving up. Once I understood this, the anger went away, if I work hard everything is still possible, just not on the timeline I had anticipated. My focus was on being the fastest female to ascend all 7 highest peak not for me but to maximize exposure to blindness but even if it takes me 5 or even 7 years, dreams don't have expiry dates. and if I only reach a handful of people that's worth it.

Unfortunately training it's not as easy as with running, I can't just simply take to the mountains as I can step out of my house and run, even my long runs I was able to put my kids to bed and run all night on my treadmill so I wouldn't leave them alone for 12 hours. The endurance part I can do, I practically live at the gym but the skills are a different story, the second best is to read as much as I can on the subject and head to the mountains whenever I get a chance.

My favorite magazine right now is Gripped it has an amazing article about staying motivated, it says that we need two types of goals, end goals and process goals. End goals are external things such as accomplishing a race, a climb or quitting smoking, process goals are the things you learn in the process of your external achievements, they are internal such as the ability to increase your lactic threshold or experiencing less anxiety from not smoking. The order of the goals is very important too, making process goals more important will keep you motivated even when things get though because you see them as a valuable part of the end goal. I have been doing just that without knowing it, I have been looking forward to the training because i think it will make me a better runner too, hills have never been my strength and seeing how much better I am at them makes me want to train harder and harder. To increase my motivation I also picked an other end goal, running Atacama Race in March and aim for top 3 female.

My favorite climber right now is Sean Isaac from Canmore, I am learning that mountaineering is a sport that attracts incredibly athletes but humble in nature, the best way for me to be accepted is to keep quiet and let my work speak for me. it's very important to be able to do the climbs only if I earn the respect of everybody that I share the mountains with. Sometimes the most talented people are the ones we never hear from, they get no satisfaction from glory, just from the act itself.

I am also finishing my university course ( international Business) and looking for a job as well. I need to start working in January and I have narrowed the search to 3 jobs. It has to be casual so I won't stress if I need to take my kids to the Doctor or go to a parent teacher interview, it also have to be shift work since I need to take my kids to their swimming right after school. It was a bit tough to get my head around the choices, housekeeping for the Fairmont Palliser Hotel, Barista for Starbucks or bakery at Safeway. It was not a problem until i realized i need to name references, I kept thinking please don't call my ex boss!!??. sending the resume will be hard too, my last job was as a marketing director, I mean isn't it suppose to be backwards? house keeping then director? but I need the money and I should never be embarrassed to work, no matter what the job is. My kids are growing up,they will be able to do things on their own and then I will be able to work full time at an office, by then I should have also my Bachelor of Management from Athabasca University.

Of course as my goals increased, so did the level of difficulty to accomplish them, yet I have never been happier, they keep getting harder and harder but since they are still things that are important to me I am happy. I guess that's when you know if the path you are on is the right one, I look around and I like what I see, I see somebody working hard to reach a goal, and in the process I am teaching my kids the value of believing in yourself.

"The mountains have rules. they are harsh rules, but they are there, and if you keep to them you are safe. A mountain is not like men. A mountain is sincere. The weapons to conquer it exist inside you, inside your soul.Walter Bonatti."

New Blog

Hi everybody. I have a new blog. This blog is for Calgary students to follow my climbs. I am also trying to raise the funds to take two teens with me to Kilimanjaro. I haven't really posted there yet but as soon as things get rolling expect more action. What do you do when your dreams seem to be slipping through your hands like water? DREAM BIGGER!!!!! I will be posting on both of course this is the place where I talk out loud.

Not Afraid Of Greatness blog will be more PG.. :-)

Click here to access

Welcome Aboard

what an amazing couple of days. I received a lot of mail of support, it was overwhelming. Mehmet Danis, an i2p ambassador and winner of Atacama Crossing send me a few of his favourite quotes to cheer me, here are a couple.

To live is the rarest thing, most people merely survive. OW

Let us live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. M Twain

I also heard from Tom Adair who is guiding Ron Hackett, a blind runner, in Sahara race, here is his story

Ron Hackett, despite being completely blind since a tragic drunk driving accident when he was 11 years of age, has and continues to accomplish a great deal in life. He is still the drummer in a band, water skis at the cottage and continues to participate in sport. During his long athletic career, he has completed 8 marathons and has a personal best of 3 hrs. and 26 minutes. He became Canada’s first blind triathlete in 1988 and since then has completed dozens of events at a variety of distances. He participated in 3 World Cup Triathlon events in Montreal, Perth, Australia and Cancun, Mexico receiving Gold medals in 2 of them. In 2000, he received the honour of being awarded Canada’s Disabled Athlete of the Year. The 2009 Sahara Desert Race will be his first desert race and when he completes it, he will become the first blind Canadian athlete ever to complete a desert race.

Team CanShare is having trouble finding sponsors, so when they read my blog, they wanted to offer words of support, they helped me in ways that they didn't imagine, after reading and seeing their picture, I felt fortunate to be part of this group, a group of individuals who refuses to give up even though sometimes the odds of making it happen are slim, everybody knows about the half full, half empty, this group hangs on to any sliver of opportunity, they look at it and say" 1 percent is not impossible. I am now very positive that I will find sponsors, it will take some time, i might not have a chance on climbing all seven in a record time but I am still going for it even if it takes me 5 years to accomplish. I am also going to help find sponsors for Team CanShare, after all what Ron dream to become the first blind Canadian to finish a desert race deserve to come true. Ron is the perfect example of what I want to teach my kids and hopefully other kids in Canada, is through hard work that we accomplish such things in life, is not your physical ability or who you know, at the end the one still left on the court throwing baskets long after the practice is over is the one that makes it to the top.

last night I had a great chat with MLA Dave Rodney, he is a big supported of my quest and even spoke on my behalf at the Legislature Assembly of Alberta, he has summit ed Everest twice, he has been wanted to talk to me as soon as he heard I was planning on climbing Everest, I thought he wanted to persuade me not to do it but instead once more he offered his support, we talk about what it takes to make it and how going there for the wrong reasons can be dangerous, instead he said the fact that I am such a good mother will keep me safe, imagine that.

Other developments is that Helly Hansen and Clif Bars are going to be my sponsors, I was trilled when they call me to tell me the news, I am still looking for summit sponsors but this is a great start.

I spent all afternoon putting the presentation together for my kids school, i have a lot of pictures, what it strike me was my smile in them, I am truly loving what I am doing, I kept thinking how did a little girl who was born in Mexico, poor, is here in these pictures, smiling and believing that she has what it takes to make it to the top of the world. Here are a few more pictures from my Mt Athabasca summit.

Ice and snow training weekend.

I am back from Columbia Icefields where I spent the weekend training for crevasses rescue and glacier climbing safety. The 3 days i spent learning the basics like equipment, and safety then putting it into action Monday at Mt. Athabasca was the most inspired three days I've had in a long time. I loved everything I experienced, and you have to wonder,when I am on top of the mountain on a glacier coming down, after all this is where most accidents happened on the way down, the guide had very specific instructions, place your feet exactly on my steps so you don't slip and drag us all to the cliff down below. I developed the concentration not unlike the bomb squat. So why exactly did I love it so much? I am learning the difference between what's hard but possible and what's just crazy. I have found a new level of athleticism that is on a league of it's own.


I am definitely growing as a person, I think adversity naturally make you grow if you concentrate in the positives of adversity. I am learning to be less judgmental . Like watching kids ski jump, I used to think what kind of parents allow their kids do that?, what I wasn't taking into consideration was that before they are allow to jump they are trained on how to succeed, my opinion was based on ignorance not knowledge.

I am ready for Aconcagua, i leave Nov 28th, I am excited and busy setting it up. I am giving a presentation at St. James School where my kids attend and I am having them follow me on my journey, I am going to have as many school in Calgary as I can interest participate on the progress and ask questions.

i am hopping to teach them the value of goal setting and hard work. Emphasis on hard work, i just lost my Everest sponsor so everything is up in the air. Just like learning to walk, I am all of a sudden having trouble standing up on my own, since I am no longer with my well know-well connected ex-boyfriend it seems like my value had gone down. One by one I see the doors closing, gently but closing. As much as it hurt, I realized that if they weren't interested on my quest is because I have fail to approached the right sponsors, going with had worked in the past, I guess is time to roll my sleeves and get to work.

Looking in detail my life seems to be working like somebody's idea of a nightmare. I am single and for the first time I am thinking that maybe it will be forever, at night after the course I came home to a hotel were I listen to my mom and her best friend recite the rosary before falling asleep. I just met my ex boyfriends Brazilian girlfriend, it seems that Gissele Bunchen is the girl next door in Rio, as their lives improved mine gets more difficult. But instead of crying myself to sleep I smile. I have learned that happiness is a feeling not a check list.

I am still optimistic that everything will work out t the end, what I need to do is as usual, put my head down and work hard, I still believe that I am in the right path even though it's the one less traveled one. This is one more thing that I hope to teach my kids that passion runs deep, sometimes all we have is the believe in ourselves. Is not the number of times one falls but how many times we are willing to stand up.

All For Humanity

I have been busy training for Aconcagua, I am scheduled to leave Nov 29th, I am so excited and nervous to be leaving soon. i am off to Columbia Icefields to train for ice and snow climbing this Friday and hopping to Summit Mt Athabasca Monday at 3am. My body is starting to get use to new training, while I still get tired is not the overwhelming exhaustion I was feeling a few weeks ago. Even the mental strength required for my next quest was overwhelming, in a very short time I went from been the best mother to the worse, I have been getting a lot of heat for planning my Everest quest, is no use for me to say much, after all this is something that I didn't understand myself a few months ago, now however I have been learning a lot about what it takes to make it.
A few months ago I talked to a sports psychologist friend of mine, Hap, he wanted to know more about what goest to my brain when I face so many challenges yet I make no excuses and try even harder to overcome then instead of giving up, that after all is what he is hired to do. The question was is it Nature or Nurture? and I think is a bit of both, when I find myself with an obstacle I dig deep and find a way either over it or around it.

The truth is that the resistance I find now is nothing new, when i was 19 I left home to Japan, i was thrilled with the opportunity, we had no money and this was a great opportunity for me to pay for my university and help my family at the same time. My sister has a baby girl and things where though for us, the town been Catholic didn't take well that my sister was an unwed teen mother, so when the opportunity presented itself I took it with all my heart, where there any risks, you bet, this could have turned into a typical story of a young girl being sold, my family and I knew the risks but we where desperate and they supported my decision to go, we still talk about the moment when I called home to let them know I was safe and indeed there was a real job waiting for me, I worked hard and saved all my money while I worked and went home with enough money to put a down payment on a house in a nice neighborhood and go to school, when I came home however my family started to be harassed, the whole town speculated about how a 19 year old could have bought a house and after a month I left Mexico and never returned, Japan was now my new home.

I worked hard for the next few years to learn Japanese and pass the exams to go to University there, by now two of my siblings where living with me in Tokyo and going to school themselves, by the time word had spread around the word that Japan was experiencing a bubble, I was already fluent and working very successfully, there was just one problem, I didn't get along with other models and actors, I am only 5"3 and not the best looking either so they didn't understand why I was doing well.
Everything came to an end one evening I stopped at a club to meet with friends, when I arrived they weren't there but I recognized some people that waved me to their table, that is the last thing I remember before waking up the next day face down on a pool of my own blood, with blunt force trauma to the head, my front teeth where smash and I couldn't recognized the face on the mirror in the taxi on the way to the hospital, I kept asking the same questions over and over, why? this was early 90's Doctors didn't know about Flunitrazepam being used on drinks so they didn't believe me when I said I had just one drink. I was 23 years old.
There have been many year after that incident, I hardly ever think about it anymore, fortunately the positive memories are the ones that are everlasting, that baby girl that I help raise lives with me, she is 23 and going to Mount Royal College, my brother in Japan just received his MBA and it is expecting his first child, looking around all my siblings and their kids are doing great, what those guys in Japan set out to do, really didn't accomplish.

Every time I hear words that tell me, how dare I, I say, why not, after all, life gives us challenges to encourage growth, instead of being afraid I reach to people that are more corageous than me for inspiration, I stopped by to see my friend Rhonda, she is the director of All For Humanity, the work Rhonda, Linda and Lori do is both amazing and inspiring, I asked if I could dedicate some of my climbs to the kids that they rescue and she agreed, there are three kids in particular that need my help, they are trying to keep them at a school for the blind, she has no idea that this is something that I need as well to give me the strength i will need to keep going when it gets incredible tough.

Rhonda shared some of the pictures of the kids they have helped, there is one girl in particular Emma that I keep with me to remind me that while I will always feel pain for my son, I can turn my feeling into something positive with the right attitude. Here is a picture of Emma when they rescued her and six months later when she was placed in foster care




This is what these courageous women did in only five weeks, is incredible saving many kids lives and with the help of the Government of Ghana trough the department of Social Welfare they are hoping to deinstitutionalize and the closing the orphanages and promote kinship and fostering. Many families in Africa send their children to orphanages because of desperation since they are unable to feed and cloth them.

While I will never feel OK to see my son struggle, at least I can somehow make sense of a lot of the things I went through, maybe they where preparing me to face my life with dignity and hopefully inspire somebody else to do the same, to stop questioning life and launch into action to change it for the better instead. And next time someone asks me again, who am I to think I can do, I can say, who am I not to be, just like my favorite quote that is usually attributed to Nelson Mandela but it's by Marianne Williamson

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Transrockies Run- What a party!

I am back from the Transrockies Run. It was my first time on the race and I can tell you it will not be the last time. This race was like Spring Break for runners.
Nadia and I arrived in Buena Vista, a cool small town and the start of the race. I developed low grade fever on the previous days and found myself being incredible tired. I decided to run anyway since looking at the rooster, the race had big names such as Nikki Kimball, Hal Kroener, Dean Karnazes, Anita Ortiz, there was no chance we could place at all, also Nadia promise she just wanted to have fun. Dean remembered me from Sahara and had a blast catching up. His father is recuperating from a heart attack. he is thankfully doing well now.

From the beginning I struggle, I had trouble breathing, day 1 was 20 miles with 2721 feet of climbing. It was Nadia's first ultra event but it didn't show, she run strong and climbed fast, waiting for me at check points because it was mandatory for us to cross them as a team. I forgot my sleeping bag so I went from bad to worse since the nights can be very cold.

By day two things had changed, Nadia went from thinking "I wonder if I can finish this race to" I can win it!", event though the field had big names, as usual after a few days is anybody's game, as teams bickered and broke and injuries made runners quit ( Dean went home on day 4 with a broken rib) in few short days the top teams where unknown people.

Nadia kept asking me if I wanted to quit after watching me deteriorate but I didn't want to quit, everybody thought she was so sweet since she was concerned, how ever we knew the real reason was that she wanted to trade me for a healthy team member instead, I told her that since she didn't accept that I didn't come to the race a few months ago when i told her after all my races I was going to be both slow and tired, I was taking her down with me as punishment, having both of our names attached to my slow running time. I couldn't run fast at all but it would be incredibly rude for me to stop just because of that, after a few days everybody was suffering from something and some where suffering of more than just a bruise ego from not being able to run fast, specially when we arrived in Leadville, the town is 10,000 feet above sea level. A lot of us suffered from altitude sickness.

I didn't run on day 5 and choose to hike instead, I told Nadia just to run Stage 5 on her own and wait for me at the finish line, we where penalized for that but i knew Nadia was dying to see how fast she could run it. Her ego had suffered enough as she waited for me at every checkpoint.
I had a great time with the teams in the back, after all it was Colorado, the view was spectacular. I have always admire runners on the back as much as the top people, I love joining ultra events and surround myself of amazing talent, but I have found myself on the back more than once and I love the spirit of anybody who decides to take life to the fullest level. That day I hiked with the Japanese female team, one of the team members was Sumie Inagaki 48 hrs Ultramarathon record holder, her friend was slow but she came to spend time with her regardless, also on the back was the Old Goats Team, two 70 + year old guys who had a fantastic time.

It was only the last day of the race that I felt great and I decided to run hard, I knew Nadia wanted to place top 3 for at least a stage so we went for it, we came short and crossed 4th but had a blast chasing the other teams.

Even though i was very sick, the race was so much fun, I mostly stayed at my tent but it was great watching my best friend have the time of her life, she became the race's it girl. Every night she would come back to the tent after hanging out with everybody at the campfire and we would chat until late laughing and giggling like little girls at a summer camp. We developed code names for almost everybody, specially the guys at the camp, Plan B was a guy who run shirtless almost everyday and casually hinted to me he was single, Sleeping Bag was a guy who offered his sleeping bag to me when he overheard I was missing mine, one catch, he offered his with him on it, before long i figure he was married so he became married sleeping bag, Fastimes at Ridgemont was a guy who kept asking me to stop by to check his trailer everyday forgetting he had asked me the same thing the day before.

The race was fun but the top teams pulled fantastic times, this is after all a serious race. Ultradistance runners have a reputation of being top athletes and party animals at the same time. Nadia plans on coming back next year and try for top team, she asked me to run it but I asked my sister Muneca to joined me next year instead, she is not much of a runner but she is fit, I get enough satisfaction running my own races, there are still lots on my to do list, most of them are races that are either on nobodies radar or way to insane for anybody to want to do. TransRockies Run is a race where I get to watch somebody who has never though could do it accomplish something incredible, I got more pleasure watching Nadia smile wide like a kid everyday than any medal I received. This is something I learned from leaving in Japan, Buddha's teaching said “Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”

Transrockies Run

My best friend Nadia and I are off to Colorado for the TransRockies Run. It's going to be so much fun.
I am feeling guilty since I leave my kids again. This time however it's for my best friend, Nadia and I try to do a race together, just the two of us. last year we run Boston to celebrate my 40th b-day and it was a blast. This time is Nadia's turn to celebrate her 40th.

There are other reasons to get away as well, Nadia is going trough her separation and we have a lot of catching up to do. I haven't been there for her, she couldn't have time it any worse, just before my first race in Brazil. Thankfully, her and Magnus are great to each other and are best friends.

You should see my house now, it has become the head quarters of single mothers, between Nadia, Lisa Kuffmann and myself we have 7 boys between the ages of 14 and 11, my house resembles more the Tijuana strip. It's nice to know our boys are out of trouble, hopefully for a while. Lisa, Calgary's original supermodel, moved back from Brazil with her two sons, Christiano and Caetano, we only met a few months ago but it's like we been friends forever.

TransRockies Run is 113 miles, starts Aug 23rd to 28th from Buena vista to Beaver Creek, Co. its a team event, Nadia choose the name for the team, Crash and Burn, my choice was Cinderella's Ugly Stepsister's since prince charming isn't exactly riding in the wind towards Calgary.

There are some friends coming to the race as well, Leslie who also supported me in Australia is coming with her husband Keith. Also Katrina, Rob and Lenny from Toronto who were my tent mates at Gobi March this year, coincidentally they are also the three people that have summited all 7 highest peaks on 7 continents and are the ones that got me thinking when we where hanging out in the tent in Gobi that this is something I could do. It's funny how things seem impossible until you meet somebody who has done it, then it becomes a possibility, sort of when nobody could break 8 minutes per mile, as soon as it was broken, then everybody did it.

This is sure the best way to celebrate the end of the summer. I am looking forward to the race, I have been overwhelmed with the preparations for the climb. I go for training the last two weeks in September and if everything goes well, i start climbing late November.

I met with Jamie Clarke, Calgary's elite climber who is heading to Everest in the spring, I am asking him to be my adviser, since I don't have a lot of experience climbing, I need somebody who is not bias to judge if I am ready for Everest in the spring if everything else goes well. He is a bit hesitant to make it his call, " what if I say to go ahead and you die?" " I will hate that" of course I told him that I can't see myself dying, why survive all the things I have survive so far, the kidnapping when I was 17 for example just to die?, Mexico is notorious for young girls disappearing and never seeing again, taken in broad daylight, I am one of the lucky ones that escaped. Of course there is always a risk, event though I don't intent on dying, I am 41 years old and have had a full life, Karl is only 14, he deserves a lot more than life is offering. I feel calm and compose and can picture myself accomplishing it, sort of Richard Dreyfuss on Close Encounters of the Third Kind, where people though he was crazy but things seemed so real to him.

I haven't forgotten that after all, i am dedicating my life to make sure my sons are OK, how can I relax when I can see pain in Karl, he shakes it shortly because he is wonderful but his pain lingers in me, we make the best team, he gets over thing quickly, i don't. Things are a bit more difficult for him since his friends are taking their learners permit and are starting to ask girls out. Karl pretends he is to busy to care.
No matter how many times I hear that this is great, that I can relax and let things be, but I can't, as long as I can physically do more, I will always feel like,as a mother I have to do as much as I can. I am not afraid of climbing Everest, I am very afraid of watching my beautiful son Karl go blind.

Amazingly, my inspiration lately is coming from Miley Cyrus with her new song " The Climb"

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith