There are moments in life when words seem to fill the space that surrounds you. I am on my way back from what it probably was one of the most difficult weeks. Charlie was found guilty and i am shattered. While words fill the space in between my mind and my body none can come close to describing my feelings. I can’t begin to explain, but one question keeps coming up, how can it be? How can you begin to understand that one act of courage like running the sahara can prompt somebody to launch an investigation on how can somebody afford to take time off for such venture? How can somebody persist for 500 hrs until they can find something that can explain the reason behind somebody wanting to push themselves to the edge of where not many dare to venture that is something that some people find incredibly puzzling and the only explanation to them is that there must be something terribly wrong.
The only thing that keeps me moving is the desire to put this all behind us. While the details can be confusing one thing is always consistent, Charlie is a good man, flawed yes, and aren’t we all who desire more from life?, but decent, he is an incredible human being. Charlie trusted somebody and that turned out to be a terrible mistake, nobody is sadder than him that this is causing pain to everybody close to him, i am sad on the idea that trust can be a dangerous thing, i love Charlie’s ability to trust over and over again no matter what, that is the sign of true courage.
So here I am on my way home to my kids trying to piece this incredible love i feel into what it is sure to be an amazing mosaic of feelings and memories. I am so grateful for so many things in moments like this, for the love and admiration i feel for my boyfriend, for Charlie’s kids who seem to give us the strength and dignity we need right now, for friends and family who are ready to step forward and remind everybody about all the things that Charlie has done to better the life of others, and for the roads that that i will turn while i seek to find the strength i need to find peace. After sentencing Charlie and i have bowed to run at the same time each day,so we can feel together even if we are apart, after the love for our kids and each other we both share a passion for running. That started to give me hope, that no matter what, somethings cant be taken as long as you stay true to yourself. There is only one thing that i regret in life at this point is that i didn’t meet Charlie sooner.
Are we going to be OK? you betcha, Charlie and I are the kind of people that look ahead, the only time we look back is at memories that make us smile, even in the hardest moment, when anxiety was to much waiting for the verdict, i told Charlie that this was a lot like the movie The Jerk, Charlie been investigated when an article was published about his run, Steve Martin’s character in the movie is attacked by a sniper when his name is published in the phone book and he becomes “somebody” the pressure and sadness got the best of me yesterday and couldn’t stop crying, Charlie did his best Steve Martin impersonation and told me” he hates cans!” we couldn’t stop laughing after that, i loved that he was so worry about me, not himself. After all like someone said, “Nobody promise that it was going to be easy, just that it was going to be worth it.” and it is.Is just one more mountain that we must summit together, that's all.