I been thinking lots about why i persue time consuming and diffuclt paths since really nobody is watching all the time, why not just skip a work out or eat poorly? we have the life that we deserve, happines and kindness attracts that, more happiness and kindness.
I am working on the most difficult job because it has a very superficial angle, yet i work with people sometimes 20 years my senior and i feel right at home, i am very comfortable with who i am.
There are a few reasons of why living a healthy life is worth it.
From age 25 to age 30 i wore glasses full time, with time as i took better care of myself, it progressed to only for reading or driving until i stop wearing them al together, in my last eye exam a month ago i was told my vision is 20/20
I am 43 and turning 44 this year, my skin is healthy and hardly feel the need to wear make up
, not Halle Berry but so much better than famous party girl Lindsey Lohan's skin)
I was dignossed with depressions in my teens and early twenties and had lots of health problems that couldn't be diagnosed, most doctors attibuted it to genetics ( daugter of an alcoholic and raised in poverty), finally one smart Doctor told me that it was my lifestyle that unless i changed it was only getting worse. It has been 20 years since the last time i had to say in bed because of stress or depression, or had to self medicate with alcohol or cigarets, and except for my Mexican temper that shows up once in a while( i am soo not a pushover) i am very happy, genuinely, deep in my core happy.
I have deep and meaninful relationships with people close to me, my kids, family and friends. Kindness brings internal and external peace while i adore to participate in events that are full of drama or exciting i crave order and peace in my personal relationships, things get chaotic from time to time and they are dealt with when they raised but there is no need to bring anymore chaos into my personal life.
Is not necessary to make big changes right away, for me it has been a long road to find mysellf here, it started with minor changes then major ones like quitting smoking at age 24 and then drinking. I never did it for health or vanity, it was simply because i was tired of treating myself badly, is in funny we are great at nurturing others but terrible at nurturing ourselves? self compassion is a very difficult thing but is the best gift you can give yourself and to the ones close to you.
So what is it?
With me started with one word " enough" as in I am enough and i had enough, i am very glad i been journaling since the age of 12 is great to see the progression and also when i was ready i was able to see that sometimes i wasn't kind to myself, maybe i believed that i deserved it but it took one brave day to say enough, of course it was just the beginning, i took many steps back but just as many forward and that is what i needed, to just take the first step to accepting who i was.
So kindness start with you, you can't give what you don't have.
here is the actual entry of in my journal July 19, 2002 ( coincidentally is the year of my divorce)
"it's almost midnight, the clock is turning to the 19th day and today is the start, the beginning and it all start with a single word, enough.
I had enough of living my life complaining for what i don't have or what it should have been.
I's enough of me waiting for the perfect man, job, or my kids been at a right age to be fully happy and fulfilled.
It's enough with just what the universe has granted me
I am enough.
from this moment i promise to never compromise my life anymore.
I will respect me
I will believe in me
I will not compromise anymore
I will work had to accomplish the things i believe i can
I will not seek an easy way out
I will honor my believes
I will do what i takes.
Because I am worthy of a great life and all i need is he courage to take control of my life again".
Of course there were days that i cried after that entry but i went back over and over to it and i still do when i find myself at cross roads i go back to remind myself of the things that matter to me and also to avoid making the same mistakes.
Why am i sharing? i know there are some people out there that are having a hard time right now that need a friend, i want to extend my hand and say the same things i told myself almost 10 years ago, you are worth it, just have the courage to make the changes necessary to have the life that is meant for you, kindness starts with you.