A letter to my son Karl

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."Lao TzuToday you are 18 years old my beautiful son. I hope I still have many opportunities to tell you how amazing you are. As my first born, we have grown together, I am sure I have let you down many times and you have patiently accepted my shortcomings because you understand underneath it all the immense love you mother has for you. I want to let you know you were wanted very much. I didn’t always take such a good care of me. But when I met your father I suddenly realized that I was going to be a mother one day and took the steps necessary to make sure that I gave you the healthiest start. No more smoking or drinking for me. I was 25 when I quit and 27 when you came into my life. We have faced many challenges together. You were just a little boy when you watched you mom stay in bed all day, unable to take you to school because of all the fighting she and dad were having, you were so worry for me and brought me cheerios to bed and tried to make me laugh. Never once you complained when I woke you up one evening and took you away from your big home and toys and moved you to a tiny apartment. I am forever grateful how you comforted your younger brother that cried because now mom was never home going to school full time. I will never forget both of us studying together for finals, sharing pencils and stories. How you lovingly taught you mother the correct order of all the hockey gear that I had to put on you before each game and how you laughed when I asked why didn’t you just choose soccer!Thank you for making me feel so proud when I stood alone at your grade 6-graduation feeling inadequate and guilty and just to feel my chest exploded with joy when they announced your name as the winner of the citizen award of excellence.But that was only the beginning of your amazing strength, as life throw the biggest curveball yet. Just when things were settling back, we had a home and I was now expecting a promotion to management when we learned that your recent clumsiness had a name and a diagnosis, cone rod dystrophy. My own genes gave you undesirable genes and you were now going blind and you were only 11 years old. Once again you were the source of my strength when you came into my bedroom once more to stroke my hair and tell me that it was OK, that I could stop worrying because it was only your eyes. ONLY your eyes. Once again things got though for us as I lost my job, you never complained to that money was tight again. There is not a single day that goes by that I am not in awe of your strength and beauty. You continue to inspire everybody around you to be better simply because your light shines brighter than the darkness than sometimes surrounds us. You still continue to never complain focusing on the positive instead of the negative like the time when you call me excited that you had been approved for a guide dog never once stopping to dwell on the reason why you need a guide dog. You are kind and generous soul that now is you who encourages me to follow my dreams and passions, when I decided to run 2600 plus miles to Mexico you never once question my ability or judged me, you held my hand and said “ Mom, this is something you need to do for you, because I like to see you happy” but went even further by making sure our favorite shows were taped so we could watched them together as a family and I could just pick up being your mother when I returned home easing my guilty for leaving you and your bother for three months. This morning when I hugged you the roles have reversed, you are not the little boy that I held at the hospital 18 years ago, at almost a foot taller it is me who feels safe in your arms Happy Birthday Karl, thank you for being in my life. I am forever blessed to be your motherI love youMom