Race schedule

I am working on my new race schedule. I am still working on hopefully go to Mt. Aconcagua Argentina in Feb, also on the agenda is Ironman Woodlands, TX in May and Ultraman Penticton in Aug. I will also register for Badwater, cross my fingers and hope i get accepted next summer. So if everything goes well this is what it looks like

Aconcagua- Climb- Feb
Ironman- Triathlon- May
Badwater- Ultra- July
Ultraman- Triathlon- Aug

I am also looking for smaller races close by but it will be more to keep me busy, Thankfully things are back to normal. Karl is doing better at school, they are doing everything they can to make sure he has a fair chance at school. He is till has not friends, i don't like that, kids at school all they see is what he is able to do, not what he is capable of. I was going to train him to do a race with me to show his classmates that Karl is capable of so much but i decided to let him be, he is happy, he doesn't feel the need to prove anything and i have a huge respect on that.

things are working fantastic in Vancouver,it rains but is really beautiful and my sister Muneca and i play a good tag team with the kids.

The next few months will be busy but i love it, is all about the things and people i love.

It always seems impossible until its done.
Nelson Mandela

The Perfect Storm

There are moments in life when words seem to fill the space that surrounds you. I am on my way back from what it probably was one of the most difficult weeks. Charlie was found guilty and i am shattered. While words fill the space in between my mind and my body none can come close to describing my feelings. I can’t begin to explain, but one question keeps coming up, how can it be? How can you begin to understand that one act of courage like running the sahara can prompt somebody to launch an investigation on how can somebody afford to take time off for such venture? How can somebody persist for 500 hrs until they can find something that can explain the reason behind somebody wanting to push themselves to the edge of where not many dare to venture that is something that some people find incredibly puzzling and the only explanation to them is that there must be something terribly wrong.

The only thing that keeps me moving is the desire to put this all behind us. While the details can be confusing one thing is always consistent, Charlie is a good man, flawed yes, and aren’t we all who desire more from life?, but decent, he is an incredible human being. Charlie trusted somebody and that turned out to be a terrible mistake, nobody is sadder than him that this is causing pain to everybody close to him, i am sad on the idea that trust can be a dangerous thing, i love Charlie’s ability to trust over and over again no matter what, that is the sign of true courage.

So here I am on my way home to my kids trying to piece this incredible love i feel into what it is sure to be an amazing mosaic of feelings and memories. I am so grateful for so many things in moments like this, for the love and admiration i feel for my boyfriend, for Charlie’s kids who seem to give us the strength and dignity we need right now, for friends and family who are ready to step forward and remind everybody about all the things that Charlie has done to better the life of others, and for the roads that that i will turn while i seek to find the strength i need to find peace. After sentencing Charlie and i have bowed to run at the same time each day,so we can feel together even if we are apart, after the love for our kids and each other we both share a passion for running. That started to give me hope, that no matter what, somethings cant be taken as long as you stay true to yourself. There is only one thing that i regret in life at this point is that i didn’t meet Charlie sooner.

Are we going to be OK? you betcha, Charlie and I are the kind of people that look ahead, the only time we look back is at memories that make us smile, even in the hardest moment, when anxiety was to much waiting for the verdict, i told Charlie that this was a lot like the movie The Jerk, Charlie been investigated when an article was published about his run, Steve Martin’s character in the movie is attacked by a sniper when his name is published in the phone book and he becomes “somebody” the pressure and sadness got the best of me yesterday and couldn’t stop crying, Charlie did his best Steve Martin impersonation and told me” he hates cans!” we couldn’t stop laughing after that, i loved that he was so worry about me, not himself. After all like someone said, “Nobody promise that it was going to be easy, just that it was going to be worth it.” and it is.Is just one more mountain that we must summit together, that's all.

The end is often the beginning

“What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.”T. S. Eliot

I am in Vancouver now, it seems like a long time ago when I was still what it used to be my home. It was a bit weird to try and fit a lifetime on a 8"x16" storage space, trying to decide on what to keep and what to give away. I have never been emotionally attached to material things, but it was hard for me to walk away from the sentimental value of the objects that have surrounded me for the last 12 years.

The last few months have been incredibly busy,I guess you can tell that my move to Vancouver was somehow me trying to escape something. My house was not healthy anymore, i had spend so much time and money trying to keep the stability that my kids needed but the cost kept increasing, both emotionally and financially, at the end i just didn't want it anymore.

The first step was a clear one, sell my house, the other steps were not as easy to figure out. Been engaged, moving to North Carolina seem like the obvious choice, but when you have kids, falling in love and getting married are not as easy as the first time around. The last months have been a maze of suggestions and decisions to be accounted for, legally is one thing, but doing the right thing is an other. I love Charlie with all my heart but at the end doing things right by my kids is what made me happier, I do want things for myself, but i also know that is only a few more years that my kids need then the rest of my life belongs to me. Fortunately, Charlie agreed with me, reluctantly, but agreed to let me move to Vancouver closer to my sister.

Things aren't exactly easy for Charlie right now, and not been there at this moment makes me feel selfish. The last few months have been of deep soul searching and i longed to go back to the core of my being, the one thing that made wake up every morning and try my hardest was the desire for my kids to a better life. What a lot of people think is why not just go to court and get it? but at what price? to me the best way to give my kids a better life is to teach them to find it, to want it, and that is to lead by example.

You cant make people want things, but if you live your life the fullest you might inspire them to do the right thing. Since i decided to just go hard with what i do best and that is to live my life the best way i know, honest and openly.

I am a lot happier, I am gone back to dreaming again on the things that give me joy, once again I dream of climbing the highest peak, I feel alive and focus. That's how I know when I am on the right path, things where chaotic around me, nobody really seemed sure of my decision yet, at night when things quiet down, I once never doubted, I stood firm yet I had no desire to explained more than it was necessary.

I moved to Vancouver so I can get back to the things that require my full attention. I need to get back to work, soon, but I also have to make sure that my kids are not spending too much time alone at an age where is critical that I am involved, I am also experiencing some challenges with both of my kids, one is loosing focus and wanted to quit swimming, while what type of sport is not exactly important to me, teaching Hans the valuable lesson of following through is a lesson i want him to master. All the talent in the world would be wasted if you don't have the discipline and the desire to work hard.

Karl on the other hand quit exercising because it became to hard for him, the last few years i did what any other single parent will do, i spent countless of hours working at something that was putting food on the table, while my kids were home alone,even long after the paycheque stop coming I kept thinking that it was right around the corner, I just needed to work a bit harder.

so while i am stopping my adventures as a possible source of income, i am now pursuing them just as hard as a passion. It's been a crazy ride and one that i will continue to do as an amateur.

So my decision to move came after analyzing all the obstacles and coming with the best possible solution. My sister lives here so supervising kids will be easier if I have family close, also when I go back to working, having somebody hand me a homecooked meal once in a while will mean everything.

As for my kids, the best way for me to motivate both of them is to join them, I am going to be taking swimming with the intention of doing an Ultraman that way I am less inclined to let Hans convince me to not go to training if I need to get to the pool as well. I am also planning on doing a big biking quest with Karl, just the two of us, so I can have an excuse to be his training partner and he would not feel weird. Most of his peers are either way to advance for him at sports and he will never be invited or not interested in sports so he gets invited to do activities that encourage a sedentary lifestyle, so if i can get to a level where he can join friends he will be invited again.

The next few years will be crazy and difficult but I feel that I am nearing the finish line, you know, by now your lungs burn, your legs hurt and all you want is to quit. But this it the exact moment where been focus is most important. I believe that if i work hard, i will set my kids on a path that will take them to the life they were born to be.

I used to think that that was not possible anymore, just because I was single and struggling finacially now I realized that is not true, is passion, hardwork and unconditional love that will give them the tools they need to succeed in life. And by success I only mean happiness.

As for me, I do believe that if I stay true and do things for the right reason the universe will take care of me too.

Kilimanjaro

i have been back in Tunisia for a few days and i am still trying to find the words to described my trip. Africa is an amazing continent, is so unexpectedly beautiful. in our world we constantly try to find happiness by upgrading our lives, cars,jobs or fashion. in Calgary, every time i go out i am bombarded with things that i don’t have that i ought to. Africa is different, at least most of the countries here are. I am not going to romanticize it, people in Tanzania, work extremely hard for their money. Nadia wanted to know why people that are so poor can be so content. Having been born in a Mexico in poverty I could answer her question. is all relative, she was comparing her life to theirs, compared to her, they don’t have much but she is comparing apples to oranges, we all compare, i don’t remember growing up been aware of our limitations, it was only after i left and started to make money that i understood how much we lacked. in countries like Tanzania it could be a lot worse, instead of looking up, you are constantly looking down and feeling grateful. Why? growing up poor in Mexico, we were use to things never working out, when they did we were so happy and when they didn’t we didnt complained for long, after all that was more likely. In developed countries we expect and can demand that things work out, after all, that’s why we have democracy and pay high taxes.
Now i am not selling my things and giving it to charity, I don’t like to struggle unless i decide to do it. Tanzanians call it life we call it adventure. I think we have a lot to learn from each other. I am still learning to stand up and demand more without feeling like i am greedy, on the other hand, i doesn't take much for me to feel happy.

I guess you could say that growing up like Karl teaches you a lot about feeling grateful. I watch him struggle in Africa,trying to learn and adjust to his new surroundings, what makes me feel more sympathetic is that he hardly ever complains, he still asks to be independent, i would like to bubble wrap his environment but i am aware that i shouldn’t do it, he needs to learn to deal with adversity on his own. I sign him to play water polo at the resort we are staying in Hammamet, the other players had no idea that he has limited vision, he did OK for the majority but there were times when he passed the ball to the opposite team, why? they asked for it, they will yell pass and he simply did. His team members were not very understanding. Karl never complained even though i am sure it might be incredibly hard. My other son Hans struggles more emotionally than Karl and that is because he is use to doing well, things usually work out so when it doesn’t he doesn’t handle it well. As a mother of two very different children, i am constantly reminding Karl that is OK to demand more and Hans to be more grateful.

I learned a lot in Kilimanjaro, I feel very confident about choosing the toughest route. Climbing 1000 mt or 3000 ft a day is perfectly fine, i wasn’t taking onto consideration that I am very tired. the route that we choose was incredibly beautiful and isolated, we never run into anybody else until we merged with the normal Machame route.

Nadia and I were treated to an amazing experience, we had a crew of 9 guys all to ourselves, we thought it was a bit over the top but the government in Tanzania is now demanding that locals are hired, it was mandatory, it makes sense, tourism is one of the main sources of revenue, i was glad to find out that they are making sure that locals benefit.

we hiked for about 5 hours per day, by the time we arrived to camp, our crew already had our tents set up, on day one we lost one member of our crew, he had an incredible hard time keeping up, we later learned he was suffering from Malaria, unfortunately it affects a lot people in Africa, we later came across an other porter that was affected by malaria and needed our help.

Climbing Kilimanjaro was incredibly rewarding, the trail was incredible then we had outstanding meals. Nadia and I giggle like school girls, my best friend has always been strong and a fantastic climber, most of the time Azizi and her were ahead of me, i enjoy been alone, its usually my time to think or to simply unwind. it was also my decision to skip camp 3 and go directly to base camp, it seem crazy to sleep at a same altitude than we started not really having gain any altitude, instead we pushed for other 2 1/2 hrs to base camp. we arrived around 6pm had a quick supper and call it the night around 9:30pm, summit attempts are done at 1am. Nadia and I were suppose to be ready at 12:30am for tea. Azizi overslept so we ended up been one of the last to attempt the summit. By now I was feeling incredibly tired and I wasn’t sure anymore that going that fast to the top had been such a good idea.

I was a bit mad at myself, I knew i was not going to have fun for the last 9 hrs, but that didn’t matter, what matters is that I have to be careful, to not summit because of a decision like that will be terrible. Also just as we were getting ready to leave, i got a bit too close to Nadia as she was picking her pack and her poles sticking out of them and ended up with a black eye, Nadia felt terrible, i was angry at myself once more, at the last minute i decided against bringing crazy glue, i failed to see the point of bring it, lucky for me i didn’t end up bleeding. I have definitely been doing it for too long when all i can think that i much rather crazy glue an injury that to cancel a climb.

the next few hours, i had a hard go, i managed to catch up to the rest of the slow group, it must have been quite a sight, there we were walking so slow, I am sure that we resembled extras at a zombie movie, like a scene of the Night of the Living Dead. Nadia did amazing, she felt great and climb very well, I was glad, it would have been terrible if she had come all the way to climb and hate it.

When I saw her at the top, i broke down crying, partly because i was glad it was almost over and also because for the first time I had a somebody with me. Nadia and I have been friends for over 10 years and have supported each other through tough times as well as celebrated good ones.

I was glad to be back at camp, i am always nervous, i feel unable to relax until i have summit, after that i can go hard, i am not worry anymore, i feel that even if i push it doesn’t matter. You are not suppose to spend the night at base camp, and that might be the reason why you are suppose to attempt your summit so early, you are suppose to came back, pack and head down.

There is a route specifically for descending, its incredibly easy. We had decided early to descend all the way to he gate and make the trip officially 4 days from start to finish, but Nadia and I decided to spend one more night in the mountain, it seem crazy since making it all the way it meant we had to arrive into Moshi ahead of schedule and pay for accommodations and meals, in the mountain, except for the tip it was paid. It turned out to be the best decision, once again we were treated to a beautiful camp. The next morning, after an early breakfast we run the last few miles and arrived at the gate just 58 minutes later. I was the first one down, ahead of all the porters, which it means I need to look closer into Diamox, i guess it was the altitude that made it so hard for me. Nadia was as fresh as a daisy when she arrived just 10 minutes after.Not catching up to me because she forgot her runners and run all the way in hiking boots. We felt foolish because we were glad to beat all the porters. The porters are incredibly fit and can out climb anybody, even if they are carrying such heavy loads.

I haven’t decided anything about my next climb, physically, it is possible to continue at the rate I am going as long as I start to slow down and not climb as fast. Going with Nadia however made me want to do the climbs with people that I care for, ideally, I would love for Charlie to be there with me. I think that the shifting that is happening is a positive one, I am started to expect more of my adventures, I usually find joy on the fact that I am doing them at all, now I am thinking that sharing them with somebody close to me are more meaningful.The farther I travel and the higher i climb the more I discover how important my loved ones are.

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.” Morrie Schwartz

The Adventure Begins

Today we just walked around downtown Moshi and got some snacks for the climb. People in Tanzania are very friendly, walking in town you would think it was the 90's, they are selling cassette tapes and the ads for the movies on the video store are about 20 years old movies. Its very cool having Nadia here, i love having the company, usually i arrive at a town and meet people, its always great but this makes it so much more enjoyable.

I was a bit tired and not very excited coming here, not having my niece to look after the kids, it just seems like i am constantly leaving them and i feel so selfish sometimes, the boys did roll their eyes at me and told me they are old enough to be alone for a few hours a day until dad gets home from work.

I feel the same about Charlie. He encourages me to keep living my life and pursuing my passion. He has his own life and challenges and right now we aren't getting much time together. I worry that he will get tired of me traveling without him. But he knows i love him and i know he is devoted to me. I hope we will be together for the next climb.

There where endless planes, airport security checks and trying to sleep at yet an other airport gate, trying to find room on the floor beside a sea of strangers. I think this is the first time that i wasn't excited when i boarded the plane, then just before landing in Tanzania, there it was, Kilimanjaro! So amazingly beautiful, the plane circled around a bit, and I could feel all my worries and unhappiness fading. Kilimanjaro is such a beautiful mountain, it stands so tall, the clouds resting below its peak. i noticed that i was already smiling hard, this is the life that i have forged for myself, every step i have taken, stubbornly it's taking me here, how grateful am i. It's back home where we feel like our problems seem bigger than they really are, its because we have surrounded ourselves with comfort and material things that we give status and materialistic things so much value. Mountains and trails are real, they are the true treasures in life. I am not feeling guilty anymore, how can anybody judge me for trying to feed my soul? I will go home having more to give to my loved ones, i think we have become a society that we try to see stress and unhappiness as a badge of honor, the only wealthy person that i know that prides himself of been passionate about other things besides his business is Richard Branson, his enthusiasm for life and adventure is so contagious you want to fly on his plane or buy his phone plan.

People here in Tanzania have it all figured out, they are incredibly happy with a lot less than we are, they have nature and family, anything else is just stuff that you need to dust or clean. They have legs to get them places, there are no gyms, just a soccer ball, a street and a bunch of friends as a form of exercise and later you can always gather your family and watch a good family picture like Ghostbusters at the local theater.

I definitely feel ready for the climb, how can i not be grateful and happy for the opportunity to surround myself with so much beauty, I decided to live my life collecting memories not possessions, and i hope my family follows suit, and the only way they will do it is by example, it doesn't matter what i say, it is how i live my live that will teach my loved ones what i think life is all about.

The climb starts Monday we should finish on Friday. I will post again when I can.

Norma

Kilimajaro

I leave for Africa tomorrow. I am taking my kids to see their dad to Tunisia, so it seemed a perfect opportunity to go to Tanzania as well.

My best friend Nadia and I will be trekking Kilimanjaro via Umbwe route, here is a short description of Umbwe

"The Umbwe Route is generally regarded to be one of the hardest routes when you climb Mount Kilimanjaro but has spectacular scenery including a number of caves that can be viewed en route. The Umbwe Route often draws fit young people who are attracted by the route's designation as the hardest route on the mountain. The route is certainly raw and unkempt and very steep until it reaches Barranco at 3,984m, from which point it intersects the Machame Route. Only two days are spent reaching the same point that is reached after three days on the Machame Route and for this reason headache and mild nausea are relatively commonly on the Umbwe Route, even below 4,000m."

Make no mistake since Nadia was able to come, it will feel more like tweens on a sleepover listening to Justin Bieber than a climb.

We start climbing July 12 and we are set to be done the 17th. I am sure looking forward to this climb, it is suppose to be an amazing trek and maybe we will be able to see wild life.

Considering how crazy life is at the moment I am surprise to be feeling well, I have had some great runs.I sold my house and even though the original intention was to move to North Carolina after Charlie and I got engaged, I decided to move to Vancouver for a year to be with my sister now that she was recently diagnosed with Lupus. Muneca is doing OK, she is working hard on trying to figure out how her life is going to change if any. My kids are a bit stressed since dad is not crazy about us moving to North Carolina, so I am taking a year to sort things out. after a year in Vancouver my kids will get to choose where they move to, with dad to Malta or with me in North Carolina. I wish I have had those choices growing up. While it might be confusing and seem stressful, I cant help but loved that my life is so much different now, just a few years ago, I felt alone and vulnerable now it seems everybody want us and we are in the position to help. Is time to give back to the universe.

I wish everybody had the strength to not quit and find an easy way out,there were many times that I had my choices question and I almost did settle, fortunately, I am my own worse enemy or my best adversary and I am unable to do something that at the end doesn't feel right for me. and trust me for every time I cried, I ended up laughing ten times after. Is hard for me to know what's right for anybody else but myself, what I do know is acting out of fear, pain or ego is not something that will lead to a fulfilling life. I use those emotions to channel the courage necessary to get things done. I happen to think that obstacles are just opportunities waiting to be discovered.

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”Kahlil Gibran

People always seemed to know half of history, and to get it confused with the other half. Jane Haddam

It used to be so much easier to blog about my adventures. Nothing has really changed so it should still be the same. I start an adventure, work around the things that seem to be obstacles to what i want, go hard and try to accomplish successfully what i set out to do. In essence nothing has changed yet everything seems to be.

I just got back from Mt. McKinley after a successful summit. Except from a split toe, i got back healthy and happy about my performance.
From the moment I announced my intentions on climbing, i had to fight the wave of criticism, i tried to just put my head down and not pay attention but it just seem to be coming from everywhere. Many times i lay in bed wondering why? the advantages was that it was something that was getting attention, after all, that's always the goal, to do something noteworthy. I have experience something like this in the past when I decided to go to Japan, I was only 19 and i had the opportunity to go and work. Just like mountaineering, the risk were big and obvious, if the agent was not who he said he was i could have been sold to slavery, yet with my family blessings i left. It turned out to be a real agent and a wonderful father figure. It also open many opportunities to the rest of my family. I benefited greatly, got an education and managed to break the circle of poverty. Unfortunately I also paid the consequences, i never returned home, the whole town turning against a young unmarried woman leaving home to find opportunities. Was it unfair and bias? you betcha, my brother soon follow me to Japan and he was features in the local paper as a hero just as i sneaked the back door.

I found myself for many reasons in the same position, I am who I am and i have the feeling that I will continue to do everything I can for my loved ones. I guess is unnatural for a mother to want to risk her life in the hopes of a better life for her kids. My intention was never to foolishly risk my life, if anything understanding the risk made me pay more attention and never take the mountain for granted. I talked to many people about climbing and discover that it can be done safely.

So in spite of the wave of controversy i left for Mt McKinley May 18th. Patrick Delaney an accomplish mountain guide and friend was my companion in the journey. we arrived in Talkeetna around midnight and by the next day at 3:30pm we were on our way to base camp at 7200 ft. Things never slowed down after that, we didn't stay at base camp and we continued to camp 7800 ft carrying about 200 lb between both of us.

The next day we almost made it to camp 11,000ft, we build a shelter and camp at 10,600 ft, the weight clearly slowing us down. Let me tell you, slowing didn't really mean slowing, through it all Patrick and I maintained a relatively high pace. It was not until we carried gear to camp 14,000 that i had to talked to Patrick, we never climbed together before and i don't know much about mountaineering but i do know pace and heart rate, i knew that at the rate we were both going we were both going to end up getting sick, so after that Patrick granted me a steady pace and at the end we ended up faster just because we didn't have to stop much to rest. One of the advantages of been a female in the world of endurance is that we are more patient, it didn't bother me to see groups ahead of us, I didn't have anything to prove to them, taking care of me was of more importance.

The hardest days for me were the last 3, we had to carry gear from camp 14,000 to high camp 17,000 and then summit, Patrick's style is fast and light so we only carried a light tent, a couple of days of food and our sleeping bag to high camp. we climbed and slept with what we had on. On day 9 since we started the expedition at 5:30am we headed for the summit, i was tired almost immediately as we started, the only thought that kept me going that day was the desire to be done and come home. By the time we made it to the summit around 1:30pm i was cold and exhausted. I didn't unfortunately find nirvana, i wanted to come home. On the way down we came across other climbers on their way to the summit, it felt great to be done. Just before we arrive to camp, we came across two climbers on distress. One was suffering from frostbite on his right hand and was screaming from the pain, the other climber was just confused. Patrick quickly got them on their feet and helped them down the mountain. It was a tricky situation to help these two guys incredibly shaky and awkward on their feet, I understand why they say most accidents happen on the way down, it takes a lot more coordination but also it makes it psychologically hard since when you are going down you can see how high you really are. One of the guys slipped three times but Patrick managed to hold on to them until we finally got to solid ground. At the end instead of 10 hrs we ended up been out there for 12.

The next morning, we decided to go hard and try to meet the last plane to Talkeetna, we skipped breakfast and with only a litter of water we headed down from high camp to base camp, a loss of over 10,000 of elevation. We stopped briefly on camp 14,000 and 11,000 to get the rest of the gear and give away as much of the food we had left as possible, pop tarts were a huge success specially with the Koreans who never had them before. things where going great, i was in pain from trying to maintain some sort of control using my feet to try to slow us down but i knew that it was of no use to complain, we needed to get down no matter what.

Just before we arrived at base camp, only about 5k away, we came across a German man named Hans, just like my son, who asked if he would travel whit us, his friends had left him since they all had skis and he was snowshoeing. In no time Hans found himself in a hole. Patrick once more came to the rescue and got him out. It took us two hours to arrive to base camp going slow making sure not one of us ended up at a bottom of a crevasse. we missed the last plane but thanks to Patrick we both ended up nominated for an award thanks to rescuing climbers in trouble.

Over all, i was incredibly pleased about the climb, I felt strong and healthy, very fatigued but understandable considering we didn't have many rest days. The only one problem we encountered was when i left a bag of waste in one of the camps. I was determined to follow the " no trace left behind" rule always climbing with bags to dispose of waste, it's very sad that there are a lot of climbers who disregard this rule, follow instructions only until nobody is looking. The climb to the summit is full of human waste, i wish DNA was an option and every climber who disregard this rule would receive a nice notice in the mail. I was determined to bring it all the way down as instructed but left it in one of the camps when we stopped to retrieved our gear. the bags are marked with our climbing number so no need for DNA, it was double bagged and ready to be disposed. At the end I picked a $250.00 fine, ouch, but i still don't regret having done what i believe was the right thing.

So i guess you can see why it's hard for me to write, what it used to be a trait to be admired, persistence and undeniable commitment to my family became, egotistical, delusional. I haven't changed at all, i do take advantage of the media attention is creating, after all that was one of the goals i set out to do, but at the end, as long as I am home with my loved ones, we are smiling and laughter is heard more that screams or tears i will know that I am on the right path. I hope that my kids learn to never be afraid, to be true to themselves, to follow their passions with all their heart and to know that they have a mother who would do anything in the world for them.