Big girls don't cry

I went for a bike ride today. Just for an hour. I haven't been feeling that well lately. sitting at home and watching TV every evening has made me feel a bit sluggish.

I had to go for a bike ride, I was experiencing stress and decided that an hour will probably be good. I had to resign my job today. if your clients are not calling you back because is summer , or maybe three new competitors opened their doors and your are sitting in your managers office looking fit and tan, then she hears that your are running 125K, no amount of explaining of how you are working your hours will get you out of that one.

Perception is a funny thing, people assume things just because of your clothes, hair or choice of car. I run at 5 am and evenings when I am trying to build mileage, I do my core for about 50 minutes in my lunch hour 3 times a week. I do run at lunch once a week with my best friend but I other than that I am working. I guess is human nature to try and size each other up.

When I stopped at Gord's running store to get my shoes I asked to speak with him, I was told by friends that because he is a well know ultramarthoner he was going to be the best person to help me. Then he saw me, I looked more like Victoria Beckham than Deana Kastor, I could tell he was a bit annoyed to be disturbed, once he heard how many miles a was logging a week he was very generous with his advise.

The beauty of my kids is the way they perceive themselves and our life perfect. They both are so embarrassed by me, they think I am a geek and refuse to be seeing in public with me, Karl who has to wear funny glasses that look like inspector gadget at school because he can't see the whiteboard and Hans knows everything there is to know about Star Wars and wears a Clone Trooper costume at home and yet somewhere down the line I became the dork. Nothing around matters is what we in our heads see that matters. I wish I could think like my kids and see myself not from the outside but from the inside.

This is my last entry before the race, I leave early tomorrow. Thanks to every ones generosity I have collected $3000.00 that is unbelievable. We are so close to finding the cure for blindness. Dr. Ells, was very positive, last time she saw Karl said we are approximately 10 years from finding a cure and even better, they are reversing the damage, she was very positive Karl was in time to benefit by all the research.

I don't think that my life is what fairy tales are all about, but even after all, lost jobs, flooded basements, broken hearts. I hug my kids good night and I feel just like a princess of a far far away kingdom.