Friday, July 27, 2007

I only laugh when I am nervous

Wow! I am screening calls now. I think I have collected more pledges from people that ask me not to do it that the other way around.

yes is nuts. I am very intimidated by it. some people seem to think is a cry for attention. I can think of better ways of crying for attention. Being 39,dressing up in animal print and hitting the bars. Now that sounds more like something that I could do this long weekend that will also give me attention.

I am really doubting my ability to finish this race now. When I first sign for it, I knew it was going to be crazy but there was a small part of me that thought "maybe" is not like I have being sitting in the couch and all of a sudden saying "My kids are gone for 2 weeks, let's see, I can get an other cat or I can race for 125K" .

The thing is, my life is getting easier, I am looking forward to my next Athabasca University class and the craziness of two preteen boys and their school and sports schedule, and it's getting harder for me to wake up at 5am every day to go for a run. The truth is a feel guilty for looking forward to a less stressed life ( I do have some stress, I am after all a single mother of 2 boys), if it's not for organizations like the CNIB that provide help to families like mine, I wouldn't have being looking into the possibility of going back to a normal life so soon.

I feel great about being able to give them 24 hours of my life so they can go ahead and do what they do. The strangest thing is that I almost never notice that Karl is visually impaired, but once a week I will get a yellow box with braille writing and a book on tape and I remember that they are only a phone call away

Before I ever considered doing the Canadian Death Race, I imagine this race being full of renegades, people who had trouble adapting to the norms of society and after talking to a few people who have done the race solo I realize they are your average white collar corporate Calgary. Sure is unusual to spend some of your hard earned vacation time to do something like this.

Darcy whom I met for a run so I could asked questions about this race never doubted my ability to do it. Darcy has run this race for 4 straight years and he is doing it again this year never needed an excuse for racing ultras, except that he just loves running . He was however very disappointed that the 100 miles Lost Soul Ultra in Lethbridge was full and I couldn't sign for that one too.

I am committed to do this race, I hope I completed so I don't have to give it an other shot next year, unless just like Darcy, I end up falling in love with the sport and I will look forward to spending my long earn vacation time in Grand Cache Alberta in the August long weekend.

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